so as i sit and listen to my relationship self-help podcast-hmmm now i am trying to think about what i am hearing and process it and apply it to my own life.
so i am embarking and engaging in a wonderful adventure with an amazing man-so like most people you think -hey don't mess this up
so then you think about all the mistakes you made before and how you want to do everything you can do to make this time right and lasting and make this person happy and making sure you are not sacrificing your needs or beliefs
so i know i've made major mistakes in my past-one that even lead to an "I-do!" BUT i think with every experience there is an opportunity for growth-
i try not to think of things as a mistake but as a beautiful mistake because there is some beauty to be found in everything-
ive had to learn a lot-but in the meantime i have learned a lot about myself
i realize as the youngest as the baby-i was ummmm used to things going my way and everyone loving and adoring me and acting accordingly to "princess april"
but i realize now its not totally realistic- i mean i do kinda still expect it from those around me but not like i used
but more importantly ive learned some important lessons-
ive learned COMPROMISE-that was a hard one-i wanted it my way or you can hit the highway-gosh that was a BIG pill to swallow-if i knew that and understood it like i am learning to NOW-it would have saved me heartbreak, heartache, and and headache, but hey that's hindsight 20/20-and if i knew it and had all the answers then my life would be horribly perfect and hey WHO really likes perfection....or is there even such a thing as perfection....or is that an illusion or a self-created, self imposed utopia that merely exists in our minds?
i'm learning to listen-as the youngest and as a lady i always want to get the last word in, and sometimes in my effort to do so i miss the message or the need that someone is trying to convey
patience-oh my gosh-an everyday battle- learning to not make rash decisions-learning to take a deep breath wait for the calm and know that "this too shall pass"-damn i wish i knew that one-for those who have never seen that side of me-i can be a hot head-i can get mad work myself up and then just start cutting the fat, and often times when the blood is done splattering and i am doing damage control-i think how did i get here or why didn't i count to 10 and then react and unfortunately i am a person once i hang myself out there i stick with my guns EVEN if they are wrong (yes i am working on the humble pie thing)
i have learned that no one is perfect but there is a person perfect for me-and that to me means knowing, loving, and accepting someone for exactly as they come because LORD knows if you love me and can deal with me in any capacity you probably deserve the NOBEL PEACE prize or something comparable!
i know i'm not perfect and i just want what everyone wants to be happy and loved, but i have realized that so much of that starts from within and in my past i have put so much on my plate that i was unhappy and i in turn lashed out on everyone around me,
which is why now i am so content with having SO little on my plate
for almost 3 years straight-i worked a 12+ hour day (because everyone knows i was an overtime queen) so i worked my regular 80 hours plus an additional 60+, and I drove 1.5 each way to work so that totalled 3 hours a day-i don't know how I even made it-well i do and i am thankful for the angels that watched over me-existing on 3 hours of sleep-i was a zombie
im glad that's in the past but when i was in the thick of it-all i saw was disposable income and not dealing with other stuff i had going on
so its nice now to work a 8 hour day and enjoy life, enjoy the roses
ive also learned to talk to those around me, i realized one day i DO NOT know it all-as much as i would have liked to believe it-i dont and so i am learning to rely on others that i love and have wisdom to share-i enjoy bouncing ideas off of them and seeing whether i was way off or pretty much on the mark
soooo everyday is a journey and everyday i learn something new and i just hope in all my relationships i can be better at listening, loving, and laughing!
