Eating humble pie.....

Well this is my blog so I can be honest and say what I want, I can be as transparent as I choose or as funny as I wish (which usually is not very funny at all)


Yesterday, I was a poor communicator, I did all the things I know better than to do and yet in a moment of "me", I did everything that I have learned and read NOT to do.


The worst part was that I am versed enough on communication to have noticed the red light and the warning signs and I should have stopped myself BUT instead I mashed the gas and plowed full steam ahead in my wrongness...or as the quote says just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong....
and I did


I consulted my in-house therapist and had great advice-we talked and determined a plan and YET I made no steps to follow through with any of it


I admittedly had a moment that lasted all day where it was not so much anger building but its that moment when you skip school and it's that go big or go home thought...yup that was me..I was basking in my wrongness and poor behavior that I was literally skipping and delighting in how wrong I was...The little piece of the conscious the good gal who taps you and says YOU KNOW THIS IS WRONG..well she was clearly taking a NAP


All day long I felt mildly justified in my behavior-even dolling out advice to others


By the afternoon-I was high on the hog-I would not say that I was self-righteous BUT I was determined to hold my position as the QUEEN of WRONG


and this morning I was still okay


and THEN I read my morning devotional (albeit not until 430) and the reign of wrong came to an end and was promptly filled with regret and apologetic thoughts and feelings


Communication is hard-heck its hard for EVERYONE


yet I strive to always work on mine because I know how much of a challenge it can be amongst people...I think about how when its an important relationship that communication has to be worked at that much harder if you want the relationship strong and intact


I will just cover the highlights of my devotional :

Words Fitly Spoken

While communicating frequently and with many people seems to be the goals in the culture today, there is a much more godly goal for you to keep in mind.  Here are just a few of God's keys to loving communication. Your words are to be soft. A soft answer turns away wrath, and a harsh word stirs up anger. The Bible says pleasant words promote understanding. Your words are to be suitable -- sweet to the soul and health to the bones. And a difficult one for sure is "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19 NIV).

So I consider myself a Christian woman and yet my behavior and words yesterday probably would not have looked any different from someone who does not see themselves in the same optic.


Our mouths are such an important tool-our words have the ability to hurt or the ability to heal.


Everything in the above passage is so true and so accurate-it is a excellent blueprint for communication with anyone and everyone.
But why is it so hard in the moment to calm ourselves and choose words that are soft and that are not inflammatory
why can't our words always be laced with love and tenderness
why do we instantly pull out our top 5 venomous lines


WE all know the moment your words are harsh or rude the other person becomes defensive and how many discussions end well when there is anger and unkind words??


I yearn to be a woman whose words are soft and who people can come to and tell anything to without fear of backlash or me using words to hurt or attack them


I want to be a woman of understanding and harmony-not conflict


I want to be a woman who is not selfish and considers the feelings and emotions of others and not just mine own


I don't know if anyone else has a problem with their tongue and doesn't always think about the AFTER and the effects of the things we say, but yesterday and then today was a sobering moment


I knew before but sometimes we just need a gentle reminder...and I got mine...well received














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TGIF!!!! BEWARE this may be a feel good rant

I was sitting during my last few quiet hours of work, no let me rephrase quiet is fine, I was sitting listening to the ventilation system the last 3 hours of work after the entire UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT except me went home and therefore it was as my old coworker describes morgue quiet, but I was sitting and thinking of what topic was brewing for a blog

before i delve into the two things that came in mind (stemming from trolling Huff Post)

I took the love of my life, my little heart out for date night, we checked out a fabulous place by us, a farm to table or farm to fork whatever its called restaurant called NOT YOUR AVERAGE JOES
food was yum and i absolutely enjoy what is quickly become our Mommy daughter routine and a chance to unwind at the start of the weekend and decompress

NOW on to the blog
the first article i read was on a new phenomenon referred to as "mutual engagement", clearly I am out the loop because I had never heard of it and maybe this is once again some trendy new age "thing" that only New Yorkers or Californians do, as we ALL know they tend to be more out the box and on a different sheet of music.

anyhow the article intrigued me because it was once again a shift and a change in traditional gender roles. i understand maybe this is part 2.0 of the last trend of women proposing to men because they are "feminists" and want to take their future into their own hands.....*insert long eye roll and excuse me while i put on my hemp shoes and tree sap dress*

but the whole idea of MUTUAL ENGAGEMENT evolved from women wanting to take a more active role in their engagements and wanting the engagement to not just be about him asking for her to spend the rest of her life with him but him wanting to spend the rest of his life with her *again insert the image of the pro feminist who doesnt shave her armpits and wears tank tops all summer *

NOW I am all for pro women and women being empowered to live the life they want to life and being true to themselves and finding their authentic "self" BUT I am going to just say WOW REALLY and not that I speak for all women or even most women but i am pretty sure i can speak for me, my mom, and even my other half AND her Mom and say enough already

I think that is one of the biggest problems in relationships and marriages is that the gender roles are becoming so blurred in an effort for everyone to exert and define their independence that we are losing that piece of femininity and masculinity that actually draws us to the opposite sex.

I think its progressive enough that women (even myself) are involved and know what their engagement ring looks like, whereas traditionally, engagement rings are actually a surprise. Men would ask your best friend and sneak around for clues as to what you like.  Now men want to know and ensure you get exactly what you LOVE as it is such an investment. However, is that what marriage or even an engagement is about??? just a thought
but back to my point, women in their effort to sometimes prove they can do things for themselves and by themselves are taking away the role and need for a man and that is NOT the way God intended.

marriage was intended for men and women and for them to compliment one another and be each others cheerleaders and helpmate.
when you find that life partner your job is to love them and do so unconditionally
not love them when they are sweet and all the little things that make you smile
when you are married your role is to love them when they are unloveable and even when they may not love themselves

marriage is supposed to be a safe place, the safest relationship
but if the man and his role is threatened by a women who is afraid to submit and allow her mate the room to lead and be a man-you have a recipe for disaster
independence and being able to do it all is great
but knowing when to step aside and follow or support versus always leading is a powerful skill

i think in most relationships there is a power struggle and there is the fear of putting someone else's needs and wants before self
but i think that is the ULTIMATE test and definition of a relationship

when you talk to your mate-do you launch into how you are doing OR do you stop and allow them to vent and talk about their day
when they express a need or a feeling about something, are you able to hear them, really hear them

most people listen with the intent to respond and not the intent to understand
how about the next time someone anyone is talking to you , instead of forming your response, just LISTEN and if you REALLY want to drive home clear communication, repeat back to them what you heard or THINK you heard and allow them to say yes or no

there are so many tools out there and available so why is it so hard to put them into practice
why is it after our failures we become so wise and yet when it comes to doing it differently we still struggle

i know i bounced around with the topics but i guess the idea of wanting to be equal on EVERYTHING kinda rubbed me the wrong way
i am girl power all day long and as the mother of a little girl i definitely want her to conquer and change the world BUT at the same time i want her to be a lady
and know when to step back and allow a man to hold her door and pull out her chair

ok that's enough for a Friday