as i sit here now in my rocking chair while my munchkin sleeps i keep saying what should i write about
do i write something funny, serious, or maybe in between
looking at jordan and hearing her snore lightly
part of me thinks of all the things i could be doing, i could run by my old apartment and get my clothes for work or i could take a nap with her
but maybe i should and maybe i will just sit and be calm
maybe i should enjoy the time of not having to really be anywhere or do anything other than be me
so often during the week its busy this and busy that and we long for quiet moments
as a mom we often crave a time to ourselves when the kids are quiet and safe and we can have "our"time -so i guess this is my time
and i can use it to troll the net or whatever i choose
sometimes i come up with these lists of what i want to accomplish in a day for example today i thought get up go to church, get lunch, then nap, unpack more, and then do jordan's hair
then i revised to getting our toes done, then lunch, then nap, then hair
and eventually or what i actually did was unpack more, then lunch, now nap and hopefully after i can wash/do her hair THEN pack some more (ie grab my hanging clothes or work) and get back home
funny how we make a schedule and sometimes we follow it and sometimes we don't
maybe the lesson or the parallel in this is how we try to plan out our lives we have an idea of what we want to happen when and how we want it to happen but God has his plan and when we are met with obstacles, resistance, or failures and disappointments instead of embracing it and seeing it as a course correction or the opportunity to find a new path, we often stop right there and wallow and try to figure out why our way isnt working
i say this now although i think i am generally a pretty optimistic person
i try to find the good out of situations
i take my moment to have my pity party sure but then i say if this is the situation how can i make it the best situation with what i have
from the insignificant things like today not getting all the things i wanted to get done-DONE
to some of the larger life interruptions ie my marital status changes
i read an article yesterday in HuffPost about the misconceptions about Divorcees
there were some myths that i think i too am sensitive to because i know people assume it
one being that i dont believe in the institution of marriage or that i see divorce as a solution or a quick fix
i am the BIGGEST proponent of marriage, not the wedding and the outward(which are nice and fairytale-ish) but I believe in MARRIAGE i believe in the sacrament and sanctity of marriage, i believe in partnership and commitment of two people, i wholeheartedly do. i grew up witnessing a long strong union and that is what i have always strived for
and i also never advocate divorce, i have friends who have gone through it and i feel like its my duty to offer whatever advice i can and suggestions to "trying to fix it or did you try" and never would i ever say divorce is easy or the best solution, its painful, it hurts, and while sometimes you have to rip the band aid off to allow a wound to heal, divorce is a gaping wound
BUT i look where my life is today versus a year ago
or i look at how each day got easier and i look at how can i learn from this and how do i work with the current pieces
despite knowing how society views me or my choices i have to say April how do YOU view yourself? How does your child view you? How does your family view you?
AM i happy with myself? The answer is YES
so while i had to have a redirect-i am taking it in stride and making lemon martinis out of the lemons
