6 years ago ......

6 years ago almost to the hour my life changed forever

6 years ago at 6am ish a group of nurses flooded my room at Virginia Hospital Center and informed me

IT IS TIME (kinda like Lion King ...but but not really)


6 years ago the journey of growing a child within me

watching my body change and expand (there was a lot of expanding)

6 years ago today I learned just how strong a woman's body is

i learned you can endure a whole lot more in the name of love and babies

6 years ago my center shifted from all about me to all about someone else

i think until you are a parent you will never truly understand what being selfless and what sacrificial love is

it is SO very different from the love between a spouse or any other relationship

becoming a parent changes EVERYthing

6 years ago the months of anticipation and wondering ..girl or boy

wondering would the baby look like me or Ray

6 years ago finally i held the most beautiful baby, MY baby...... Jordan Lee Crump

Over the past 6 years Jord, Jordy, Jojo has changed my world in ways I never expected or could have ever anticipated

over the past 2,190 days she has made me proud to be HER Mom and so happy to be A Mom

for anyone who knows the journey to Jojo ...it did not come easy and so i really take the time to savor every moment and appreciate each day as a gift ...because it is

So today as I last minute called off of work to spend the day with my baby

and while it was not planned i openly embrace the ability to call in to work on short notice and turn

a moment like my child asking me to stay and celebrate her 6th birthday with her into an opportunity to make a lasting memory

because 6 years is special and i want her to know just how special she is TO ME

4 months later

Oh it's been awhile... like 4 months to be exact

Today I woke up just like any other morning and I checked the news on my phone...

i get the important political stuff but i also get the celeb fluffy stuff

so there was something that caught my eye

another celebrity divorce

and for some reason despite my two trips down that road

i always feel such a profound hurt when i see another couple going their separate ways

now before i sound too judgy, i am the first to recognize that sometimes there are reasons

and obstacles that may seem insurmountable or people feel pushed into a corner with no other recourse

i get that, i truly do

but i also think one of the lessons that God has allowed me to learn from my losses is just how fragile and how much work are required of relationships and marriages are the supreme relationship

its meant to be forever and transcend hurt feelings, seasonal change, loss, gain and everything in between

i think whenever i hear about a new divorce i mourn and hurt a little bit for the loss of my marriages

that is NOT to be confused with REGRET because I am where i am and who i am because of those losses

they have changed me to the core and changed my capacity and understanding of love and relationships

as a newlywed now i have a more refined understanding of fighting for and protecting my marriage

in the past i didnt recognize and have the tenacity and grit to dig in and fight on the days when you may not want to look at that person let alone share a word

now i plant seeds of forgiveness and understanding and compassion DAILY

its not just good enough to forgive once, you have to forgive over and over and over and over

AND OVER

and sure there may be days when that person gets ON YOUR NERVES (and boy does he)

but then i remember what a PEACH i can be and i realize that's balance and that's LOVE

so while the news came today of one couple calling it quits..


there was another couple  -LL Cool J and his wife Simone that celebrated 22 years

within the realm of celebrities and public figures, what is it that causes some to fail while others somehow someway still thrive and defy the statistics

What grounds some

what destroys others

so that was my thought of the day.....

a drink for one and a prayer for another

Hi! My name is...

Between sickness and travel..it's been AWHILE ...to say the least


HOWEVER


I am back!!!


I had a very interesting conversation this weekend on a topic very near and dear to my heart


FRIENDSHIP


I am 35 and while I have many ASSOCIATES .. I do not have many FRIENDS


and I am okay with that and I like that


There are people in my life who I am close with and who may be closer than an associate but friends


I can count on one hand


During this discussion this person and I talked about the cycles and chapters that they have had with a particular person in their life


each chapter starts and ends kinda the same


but at this stage they are no longer interested in trying to craft a different outcome and they are okay with where things are and the repetition of the relationship


it really got me thinking about why I only let so many people in


it got me thinking about the type of friend I try to be, I hope I am, and work at being


I try to be drama free because past 20 WHO needs additional drama when you have LIFE & RESPONSIBILITY


I want to support my friends and I want them to know I have their back no matter what


I want my friends to know I will always listen and that I am true and loyal


and I also want to be the friend that is honest..always...


I remembered someone mentioning to me the "5 types of people you need in your life" and I have pasted it below


I think there is a lot of truth to that...it is good to think about the type of friend you are and to think about the people in your life who fill those roles... (I almost said rolls)


some people will overlap, sometimes not


but I think today is a good day to think about FRIENDSHIP


xoxoxo me




Everyone knows the types of people to steer clear of. The toxic, negative, bullies of the world and the people that bring you down. But what about the people to keep in your life? Who are the friends that you should be holding onto?


In a world of negative people and toxicity, making sure you have positive relationships in your life is essential to maintaining your mental health and improving quality of life. So, we compiled a list of the top 5 types of friends you should be regularly seeing and why.


The friend that always makes you laugh
A crucial friendship is one that gets you laughing. Even if you’re the predominately “funny one” of the bunch, you should always have someone who’ll make you laugh in return once in a while. Find someone with a similar sense of humour to you and let the medicine of laughter help you get through those tough times.


The friend that forces you to go out
Particularly important for those introverted/reclusive types. Having a friend who is energetic and constantly invites you out will force you to maintain a regular social life. While they may not be the friend you can hang out with every single day, they’re definitely the friend to help get your mind of anything bothering you. Hanging with high energy people will help with lifting your own energy and improving your spirits.


The Low Maintenance friend
Probably the most important friendship you’ll ever have. There is nothing worse than only having friends that you have to put up a front with. Having someone you can talk to freely (about any awkward or gross topic you want) and someone you’re happy to sit and do nothing with will do wonders for your mental health. Sometimes, we need human connection, but don’t want the obligations of having to go out or make a big event of it. So make a friend that’s happy sitting at home watching Netflix in their pyjamas with you.


The friend that tells it how it is
Sometimes polite relationships will prevent you from seeing things in a realistic viewpoint. Surrounding yourself with people that don’t feel like they can tell you when you’re in the wrong, when you’re making a mistake, or just when you have food stuck in your teeth, makes things a little awkward. If you’re not told when you’re wrong, you could develop unhealthy narcissism or lose crucial self-awareness. So make sure you have someone you can talk to and seek for advice that’s going to be real, raw and honest.


The supportive friend
Just as you need a friend to tell you the truth and keep your head out of the clouds, you also need one to lift you up and support you no matter what. When you’re a person that’s riddled with insecurity and uncertainty, it’s very important to have someone there for you who is going to get you through those tough times. Sometimes, we all just need a little bit of positive affirmation.


These may not be all different people. If you’ve managed to find someone that meets all these requirements in one: congrats! You’ve found a friend for life. But still try to keep your friendship group varied. Surround yourself with a number of wonderful people and you’ll live a rewarding, happy life!

Become a student again...

Ha!!! catchy title but NO I am not encouraging everyone to return to academia


however I was listening to a podcast and I think reading in a pre-marital book


and the concept of "being a student of your spouse" was introduced


after reading a bit more down the page I realized what a powerful concept that was


so while this is technically a cheater move today I am going to Copy + Paste an article that


very clearly explains this concept.


I hope you enjoy!


If you are in a relationship, may you think about this and apply some of this valuable information


and if you are not in a relationship, I hope the next time you are, you remember this and find it useful.


A few more disclaimers-while this is written for married couples, I think it is also applicable to long-term and other serious and committed relationships.

Going Back to School to Study Your Wife

Become a lifelong learner of your spouse. Some things you learn may be great and others not so great, but ultimately it’ll help you connect more intimately with your wife. It’s time we all go back to school to study our wives. Below are five reasons going back to school to study your wife is a great idea as well as five practical study habits you can develop to make it happen.

5 Reasons to Go Back to School to Study Your Wife

1. To be the expert in your wife. To know your wife like nobody else knows her is an amazing thing and something you should desire.
2. To keep things fresh. Your relationship will never get stale because you will continue to discover new things about her.
3. To stay sharp. Ever been caught off guard by something she said or did? When you constantly learn about her, her habits, her likes/dislikes, etc., you aren’t caught off guard as much.
4. To increase desire. I want to be attracted to my wife in all areas forever! When you learn about someone, you tend to desire them more and more, and it just may go both ways.
5. To increase self-discovery. The more I learn about my wife, the more I learn about myself which helps me to keep growing and becoming the best I can be.

5 Practical Study Habits to Learn More About Your Wife

1. Listen to her. Groundbreaking idea, huh? I list this with full disclosure. I’m not the best listener, but when I really intently listen to her, I learn a lot. Be intentional about this.
2. Spend regular and frequent time together alone. Block out at least 15 minutes daily for each other, and date weekly. Just spending 15 minutes together per day will provide a consistent opportunity to talk and learn more about one another, just like dating will, and it’s fun.
3. Exercise together. Striving for and achieving fitness goals together is amazing. You’ll learn a lot about her in how she responds when stressed, when challenged, when tired, and when succeeding.
4. Read books together. Grab some books on marriage and parenting, or money and fitness, or just a fiction book. As you discuss it, you’ll get more insight into her thoughts and her feelings.
5. Pray for her and with her. Prayer is very intimate, and you’ll learn a lot. When we pray for our wives and ask God for help, I believe He gives insight to us about our wives as well. Pray daily and see what happens.

The Tooth Fairy does NOT live

Soooo yesterday my child lost her FIRST baby tooth


after much drama


after a lot of wiggling


after threats from her dad of being "the tooth reaper"


after tears


after not eating solids


after swearing off anything beyond pasta


the tooth was on its last


hanging on by a prayer


sitting out the socket


complete 180 degree capability


we left her dads


she escaped his many attempts to grab it


we laughed in the face of his talking smack about "pulling" it


she hopped in the truck heading home


and...


mommy my tooth is out


and sure enough that little rice grain was out


no pain


no blood


all smiles


new name Princess Toothless Sweet Bunny ( I can't make this stuff up)


next topic...the Tooth Fairy


now everyone knows I dispelled the Santa myth mainly for church reasons but the Tooth Fairy


I did not have a good game plan


so we get home


I put it in a snack bag


finally at bed time


rice grain goes under the pillow


BAM


I had $2 in my wallet


Uncle Josh suggested a $2 bill


I didn't get around to it


next time...actually NOT


so once she is sleep I think


here is my time


so I call my mom and asked do I take the tooth


she says yes


so fine it take said tooth


I write a quick note "yay to the loss of the 1st tooth..see ya soon-the tooth fairy"


put it in an envelope with her money


and DONE and done


next morning


Jojo wakes up and stumbles into the bathroom and that is when things went south


Jojo: Mommy where is my tooth


Me: the tooth fairy took your tooth and left money


*money lays on the floor*


Jojo: But I really wanted my first tooth *tears begin*


*and so does the lying*


Me: well the tooth fairy leaves the first tooth under the Mommy's pillow so she can save it and always have it


J: Mommy can I have my tooth back to look at a little longer


M: fine


J: So since you are a grown up..have you seen the tooth fairy


M: No


J: Is the tooth fairy invisible


M: well...yes ..yes she is


J: there is no such thing as invisible people


M: *blank stare*


J: what does the tooth fairy sound like?


M: Ok Jord-the tooth fairy is just like Santa


J: Ohhhhh ok-so I can just keep my tooth then


M: yes


Then we both walked out the bathroom..$2 still on the floor


the moral lesson of the day..lying never works when you have an analytical child who questions things and whether they make sense


2 epic childhood stories dead

Almost Hallmark/Cupid Day

SO tomorrow is 2/14

Hallmark and even now I think the groceries next favorite holiday next to Christmas

Typically, oh i would be ever so excited HOWEVER this year I feel slightly ANNOYED

Now don't get me wrong, I am not hurt or bitter or feeling negatively about LOVE, which is my favoritest thing EVER

but what i AM annoyed with is the process of addressing, categorizing, alphabetizing, labeling, and organizing School Approved Kindergarten Valentine's!!

Oh yea! I went there!!

Maybe this is merely a Mommy rant but let me tell you...

For school, I tried to be proactive, we got the valentines last week and we filled them out last Friday
(in my mind -WINNING)

I even went a step further and put them in cute Ziploc bags labeled GIRLS and BOYS

(Mom of the year right here)

To add some icing on the cake, I even put all the extras in yet another Ziploc bag and that too went in her backpack

(killing it)

I was feeling good..no wait I was feeling GREAT and ACCOMPLISHED

Until...

Aftercare sends home an email saying "We too are going to have a Vday party and here is a list of another dozen + names"

*insert big eye roll* FINEEEE

fast forward to Monday night after working a full day, we are stopping in Walgreens to buy some stupid (yes i said it) pieces of paper which by the way my cleaning lady JUST came and quite frankly i dont want any extra pieces of paper on my floor OR in my truck (hmmm maybe i can leave them at her dad's house) i digress

we get MORE valentines for her buddies (airheads for any valentines day purest) and in looking at the setup i realize they need to be organized

so while trying to make dinner and fit in a shower (because this Hot Momma went to the gym) and a bedtime store ALL before the dear pumpkins bedtime

we sat and addressed and signed and then put them in snack bags so that the candy stays with the silly little card

*done and done*

BUT wait theres more...upon double checking everything I realize oh they are supposed to be in alphabetical order...*cringe* why cant the kids do it

Oh and there is a Valentine's day party at the school tomorrow at 930

oh but wait i have a meeting at 9am

whats a Mom to do

so ...i pulled out my NEW AGE Mom trusty dusty handbook and it said: WHEN IN THESE PREDICAMENTS, DO NOT FEEL YOU ARE ABOVE BRIBERY

Bam-gospel

"Jojo-Mommy is going to try to make the Vday party tomorrow at school BUT if i cannot will it make you feel better if I take you to AC MOORE (Yup only Gigi's baby gets excited about that store over Toys R Us) and get the little art statue that you wanted"

and just like that she said Mommy I understand and I half way want you there but i half way want the statue.... and then the thoughts of the Poppy statue began to take over her brain

and ITS BEEN HANDLED

Valentines Day was supposed to be fun and Im sure tomorrow will be, but the prep involved in getting a little kid fully locked and loaded for school ..for 2 schools-arghhhhh

i think i sprouted new gray hair

and that my good people is the Valentine's Day Grinch special Mom edition

Constant Protection

I was trying to thing what I would write about today

it's Monday after all and that's BLOG DAY

I thought about doing an ode to my Mother and how much I love her

I love her for her understanding and during our conversation today, she reaffirmed just how much she wants what's best for me first and foremost

Mom i VERY much love you

and thank you for our conversation earlier and for your blessing to proceed down the path

BUT then as I was within the last block from my house

as i was anticipating FINALLY getting home after a long 1.5 hour commute due to a car accident on the freeway

my light turned green and as a proceeded to cross the light

an SUV waiting in the turn lane to my right decided to take the light

which by all accounts I am not sure how they were going anywhere considering the turn lane would have been very red and it was a turn only lane

either way as i proceeded into the intersection  i see this SUV approaching rapidly

and its on my right hand side, the side where my child normally would be

it just so happens her booster is in the middle right now

BUT my tactical driving skills kicked in and i swerved FAR left and then a FAST right to avoid the other car in the proper turning late

bottom lane i evaded being T-boned and my truck is unscratched

and my child most importantly is SAFE

SIGH

Now I am in and I just thank God for protecting us

that's all i got

A day late...but not short

Yesterday was blog day but somehow amidst my day of trying to calculate how I can generate some


extra vacation time and planning a birthday lunch for a colleague


I managed to not blog


I don't have a real topic so let's see what is on my mind


maybe I will just discuss what is going on with me in my world right now


I just returned from Detroit for a fast and furious weekend to celebrate my sisters' bridal luncheon


it's always good to go home


there is nothing like sleeping in my bed


YES I said MY bed


there is nothing like being under the roof with my parents


I feel like I can step out of my mommy role for a minute and just let loose drink wine


and be April


because after all from the moment Grampy picked Jord and I up from the airport


I recognize that it's all about her and they are there to love on her and indulge her


as grandparents do so well


Saturday I sat at the "family" table of the most beautiful women besides my Mom


although technically my Mom was at the table too


As a young woman growing up it is SO key to have the proper role models and mentors


they help guide you and influence you


I sat and looked at my two Moms and surrogate Aunts :Sabrina, Jennie, and Debbie


and thought wow this is the epitome of Essence magazine and beauty inside and out


these women oozed class and classic beauty and elegance


from their well put together appropriate ensembles to their care of themselves and the warmth and


obvious love of their family


leaving the luncheon yes I was excited about my sister's upcoming nuptials


but more than anything I walked away excited to be a woman and loving family


AND seeing women who are all aging yet not aging but doing so gracefully and so well


There were elements of all 5 women that I can weave into my life and into ME


Nothing is more empowering then seeing women who are strong and courageous and who have lived


life but not let life live them


despite different seasons and storms these pillars still are standing


standing with the awe inspiring womanliness that makes me proud to be a woman


Soooo to my Mom, my other Mom and my Aunts..


thank you for being excellent role models and showing me "how it's done"!

Tuesday thoughts

So I get that I'm a little late as usual on music however better late than never

and when it's good it's good

and when its REAL good music it will be good at release and a long time after

 I stumbled upon an album that I had a few songs from but had never listen to the whole thing in entirety 

 

 do you ever have that one album or listen to an album and all of a sudden  memories come rushing back 

 

and it's just one of those feel good albums that make you fall in love

 

 the kind that makes you think of love Jones

 

 when the movie first came out and that feeling that you had 

 

that first love emotion and excitement and newness 

 

 And those emotions and butterflies

 

 well if you have then you know what I'm talking about 

 

and if you have not then you need to get in touch with your emotions

 

 however I was just listening to John legends album (Love in the Future)

 

 and man talk about making you fall in love or want to fall in love 

still not sure how i only ever listened to 3 tracks from that album

this morning i listened from cover to cover

well worth it

Okay-happy Tuesday

All of me...

i started my morning off in a cloud of happiness

despite the grey clouds

looking beyond the inconsistent drizzle of rain

BUT I was happy

I was pensive, reflective, and happy

The reality of going to work was digestible

Found a great parking spot

parallel parked like a BOSS

skipped through puddles of happiness (and water)

all the way inside

my boss delivered some unexpected good news

think $$$$$

BUT right in the midst of my happy

i got pushed off my cloud of giddy

conflict arose

and just like any human

fight or flight kicked in

I dug my heels in

it's easy to go to that place

to hide

to retreat

but sometimes in the midst of conflict

you are reminded

and you refocus

of what is important

and what is not

coming out of that spot

is hard

it goes against our very nature

when our feelings are hurt

when people do not hear our perspective

when we feel our needs are not understood or even just respected

hurt people hurt people

but just like at the end of most good rainstorms

what emerges

but a rainbow

to bring back the smile

to flashback on the happy

to give hope

healing from the storm

and the reminder...


















Loves all of you...ajh

Where are we on "THE DREAM"...

Today we commemorate the life of Rev. Dr. (I can never remember which order those go in) Martin Luther King, Jr and I am greatly going to enjoy my day off...

But I will not take for granted the legacy he left behind, the seeds he planted, and the work that he left for us the next generations both black, white, red, yellow, and all colors in between to carry on

Today particularly on the cusp of the Inauguration of the Nations next President

A man who has propagated so much hate not only during his campaign but even post election

that it begs many to wonder what the next 4 years will look like for our country

Our country was not built on perfection, it was built on the backs of some and many toiled and slaved to simply have a voice

our country was built on divisive measures and segregating ideologies

and in 2017 it would be nirvana to think we have fixed the hurt and eradicated the pain

but we have not

hate and racism is a cancer that spreads into all areas no matter the color and no matter the socioeconomic standing

it is a very numbing not so subtle hand that continues to push and separate many

So today I ask Where are we on THE DREAM??

I think in some arenas we are living the dream

diversity is now a topic and a buzz word...whether it is truly being implemented is a secondary conversation unfortunately and while diversity now has become overly defined to incorporate many ideals that it was not originally birthed to include.... it is still a newly socialized concept

We just had for the past 8 years the first BROWN President of the United States

that is a totally foreign concept ..that is a dream that many never thought they would see

on the flip side, the likelihood of that occurring again is so very slim that it makes me think we are not far enough on the DREAM

The concept of a Minority having power is still not a vision that is held broadly around the good USA

there are many who are all to ready to discount someone still just based on the color of their skin

recently in my own safe suburbia there was a situation at the local Mexican restaurant where a patron left a note for their black server saying "Good Service but we do not tip black people"

This is 2017 -this makes me cry-this makes me scream and it should give everyone else that same reaction..

I could say WOW that someone feels that way, but that is not the alarming part

The piece that pushes me to the point of wanting to scream is that someone felt so BOLD and so EMPOWERED to express WHY they were not going to leave a tip

This is 2017...Where are we on THE DREAM

The fact that since this next President Elect has been identified more and more acts of hate and outright racism have become consistent occurrences in the news tells me

some of us have forgotten THE DREAM

or it was never a DREAM for some..maybe it was a nightmare

BUT if we are ever to be a great Nation

if our societies are ever to come to harmony (and again maybe that is idealistic) we must find our common ground

we must remember we all bleed the same, we all hurt the same, we all feel love, we all feel hate

Just say NO...

Everyone remembers that slogan back in the day

and with the emergence of new drugs and cosmetic drugs

drugs to make you smile

drugs to make you smile....less

drugs for irritable bowels

drugs for antisocial behavior

drugs for overly social behavior

drugs to make you sleep

drugs to keep you awake

and for the criminals and predators...

drugs to make ladies sleep

drugs to make ladies remember nothing

but lets not get distracted...

for the past week i have been dealing with Vertigo and let me just say of all the aches, pains, and illness I have endured THIS one takes the cake

as someone who avoids roller coasters, never reads in a moving car, and always likes to drive in order to avoid that feeling of motion sickness....vertigo is my worst nightmare

i can deal with aches, runny noses, colds, flus, and even allergies BUT

nausea and dizziness take the cake for me

and since that is the heart of vertigo...yea happiness has been upon me

I might even trade this for the runs (just not the runs and trapped in a car)

Now before I sound a little too ungrateful, let me step back and say while yes I have been besides myself in dealing with the no go vertigo, I am grateful mine was not as debilitating as others and I am grateful that when I went to the ER...

I walked in...and out by myself while some others did not

I am grateful for insurance to buy the DRUGS needed to treat my symptoms

but lets rewind to the DRUGS

Vertigo has to correct itself, its an inner ear ...crystal..out of the something (the doctor explained it so eloquently but yea drugs)

However the medicine used to treat the dizzy feeling and stuff ..the ANTIVERT drugs

all i keep hearing in my head is the Dave Chapelle -Cocaine is a helluva drug!!

I took two in the hospital while in a hospital bed and with a great IV pulsing through my arm and i awoke with a heated blanket on me (i LOVE nurses)

and went home....i thought i was going back to work the next day

i took my next dose at the designated time and MAN that was all she wrote..I remembered NOTHING after

*for the concerned parties-I was sure to take it at bedtime so my child was safe and sleep*

I attempted to go to work the one day several hours after taking a dose... my head was in such a fog...

there was such a delay in my thinking and responding

but throughout all of this i kept thinking of roofies and such and wondering if that is what it was like

because i could hear my thoughts but the synapses were firing so slowly it must have been the snail crew

while normally after an illness or injury I can tolerate the best of the best of drugs (minus codine -that too will take me out) but the ANTIVERT (meclavine) is NOT my friend

however which do you pick...the out of body out of mind experience

OR

the world is spinning and won't stop and hey beware of the stairs adventure

Happy Monday to ya!!!

and remember Just say NO to drugs!!!!