Choices....Facebook...and Switzerland

I was on Facebook last night and as usual Facebook is the club of over sharing and TMI

Facebook is a place where people feel the need to share their most intimate pieces of their life with reckless abandon

The problem with social media however is when it's good it's good but when it's bad or fickle it's BAD

the whole world or your list of 600 followers gets to follow your life and your life drama play out like a bad soap opera

I noticed yesterday that a certain couple who I will describe their past two years of their marriage as a roller coaster of breaking up and getting back together

Are now back together again which is great

But I have realized that the best advice given to me by not just my mother but other very wise people is that you always remain neutral when it comes to other people relationships

People- while generally young and immature sometimes break up get back together all the time 

some people  maintain a high level of drama in their life and their relationship and  the key to dealing with these people in your life is to remain neutral and be Switzerland because if you take a stand on their relationship or on their partner when they do inevitably get back together again you can't still be the person who is hating their spouse because they don't anymore

 

It is nice to support your friend but that is a fine line-once you start bashing that person and then they reconcile-they potentially could turn on you because now you are bad mouthing their spouse who they are back to cuddling up to because there is nothing more persuasive than some cuddles to make the mind forget any anger once felt

And the other reality when dealing with these roller coaster relationships is that no one is being forced to be there, so if one party is complaining about their mate..they have choices..they can fix it or leave..and if they leave and choose to go back then at some point you have to think ..they must not be that unhappy or that person must not be as bad as they said

there are always three sides to every story, his side, her side, and the truth..and most people dont want to be totally honest and forthcoming about their side..

its ego, its pride, its perception

that's all 

she may be crazy but they say behind every crazy woman is a man who makes her that way...and that goes right back to his side of the story and hers......

that's really all

not getting furloughed...just lost a bet...feeling salty now..creating juices just dried up

 

Hindsight 20/20

Because I have insomnia tonight (note to self take a melatonin) and because I was reminded by my bestie that I have not written a blog in what has probably been months, here is a late night submission to appease you KSN

We are currently thick in what society likes to call "cuffing" season...and before anyone (EBH) starts thinking thats a reference to the literary disaster 50 Shades of Grey ...let me put the brakes on that and say simply its a term for marriage or wedding season

Last weekend I witnessed the most beautiful, loving, inspiring wedding..of my God-sister and her new husband... Having watched their chance meeting turn into a happily ever after, I was moved and my heart was overwhelmed with LOVE..I sat at the wedding with the eyes and the perspective of a 33 year old who has contributed to the divorce statistic and the 33 year old who despite obstacles still believes in LOVE.

Alyse-is 25 and I reflected later on what I wish I knew when I got married at 25, or what my now 33 year old self would tell my younger self.
I realize its a bit unfair because much of the wisdom (and I say that with extreme humility) has been learned the hard way.

The perspective I have now on love and marriage and commitment is far more honed and advanced from where I was at 25.

I think now at 33 almost 34 I finally have a better idea, I finally have a mature idea of "what it takes"..Its unfortunate that I had to get a few bruises along the way, but I can  honestly say I love myself and who I am today far more than I did at 25.. I possess more understanding, more patience, a deeper and greater capacity to LOVE, and clearer understanding of LOVE, and not superficial -temporary-replacable love, but soul-aching, tear-envoking, I will give you my ALL and move MOUNTAINS ..LOVE

In looking introspectively I believe I am a better woman now, a better friend, now a Mom, so many events and so much life has sculpted me and grounded me than before

Not to say that 25-year olds cannot make it in marriage, but I think that I was not ready, I had an idea but I lacked some of the pieces and "gumption" that I think now runs deep within my core

So as I thought about Alyse and I thought about me I thought what advice would I give myself then or what pearls have I since learned that I would pass along to someone else entering into marriage IF ASKED for my advice......

1. The little things DO matter....because eventually little things become BIG
2. Great and AMAZING marriages do not just happen by luck or chance-they require work..the same way you exercise to maintain your body..you need to put in the work into what is the most important and long relationship...
3. Everyone is NOT a friend of your marriage-watch who you vent to and watch who you seek advice from...find couples who have the same values and levels of commitment who will encourage you to work AND who will be honest with you
4. There will be days and times that person will get on your nerves...SO what...get over it...better days will come
5. NO ONE is PERFECT..especially not YOU..
6. Forgiveness is EVERYTHING-practice it often and give it MORE
7. Laugh and then laugh some more
8. Men and Women fundamentally think different..always have always will..end of discussion
9. You can't change ANYONE but yourself...
10. Be your spouses #1 fan..always or someone else will
11. Love your spouse the way THEY need to be loved NOT the way you nee to be loved or the way you want to love them
12. Date nights are important-never stop dating-complacency is a relationship killer
13. Always hold their hand...don't let the space come between you...space is like #1..the more space you allow in..the more space you will have
14. COMPROMISE
15. Last but certainly not least PRAY...you may not quote scriptures or have 10 Bibles in your house, but when life gets tough, when life knocks you down, and you don't have an answer ..that's a good time to PRAY and ask for help......because what God has joined together let no man separate .
16. and one more for the road...Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.