A whole lot of guilt

when the people you rely on in life go on vacation...

im driving to work today as i do every Monday but something was different..what you ask...oh lets see it started with Mrs. McEvil not being at work today, which ok in fairness i should be understanding because i more than anyone understand the need to take a day for some R&R or just not coming into work BUT STILL

then my PARENTALS whom i usually talk to on my drive in..oh let me tell you where they are...ON A CRUISE....who leaves their 34 year old daughter all alone...WHO DOES THAT...oh let me tell you..THE HOLMES'

I will say my darling brother did try to call me , I'm sure just to check on me, make sure my shoes were tied and I didnt stick my finger in the socket BUT by the time he called I was actually at my desk pouting...

Mondays are well...everyone feels how they feel about Mondays..its my day to ease back in and i like when people do not bombard me with questions, requests, OR expectations!!

I love that about my boss, if we dont have meetings...she will easily hide in her office and me at my desk until well after noon like today then we can touch base on anything upcoming for the week

So after a smooth day at work I skipped on out the office and headed home to use my NEW Toy...his name is MR GREY and he is a descendent of the Le Creuset family...He comes from good stock and right now he's making my kitchen SUPER HOT

lol
Mr Grey replaced my long lost Red &Black Dutchies and since I have a new toy I couldnt wait to get home to COOK

I spent all day yesterday mulling over the PERFECT maiden meal to be cooked in my new GUY...
I decided on my ULTIMATE, LABOR OF LOVE, not a quick meal....you better love the recipient meal

Bon Appetit's Braised Beef Short Ribs with Chocolate and Rosemary!!!

Now I have not cooked this dish in over a year and I certainly remember why...the food prep alone took me a good 45 minutes and that does not account for the 3.5-4 hours cook time...

BUT let me tell you...as the pancetta crisped...and the red wine reduced and deglazed....I was in my element ....
I hope all who sample my treat enjoy and appreciate the decadence and savor the myriad of sinfully delicious flavors.....


Anyhow-that was my Monday FUNDAY

Gettin Bloggy with it...

Ha that was a poor spin off Gettin Jiggy with it!!!

SO I just asked for input from my 5 year old about what I should write about and she said to say that Jord is sweet and Jordan loves her Mom

lets see i missed the Monday mark because i was celebrating 5 amazing years of being a Mom

5 years of laughter
5 years of learning and growing
5 years of patience
5 years of love
5 years of shenanigans
5 years of hugs and cuddles
5 years of smiles
5 years of awe at watching this little person grow from being a small inhabitant of my belly to this life sized , eating, pooping, crying baby alive

there is nothing that could have prepared me for this time in my life

i have looked on at other Moms and parents ..heck i even babysat...
nope there is no comparison for the lack of sleep and you staring at your child at 3am trying to figure out JUST how God chose you to be their parent to be their protector

I lay awake many nights in disbelief that she was my daughter ..that she was a part of me

i often still stare at her and smother her in kisses and the magnitude in which i love her is truly indescribable
so i am glad my mini loves me and is sweet but i am most of all grateful for the love that she grown within me and learning to love someone else first

to my little buddy
to my little smile
to the laughter soundtrack in my house

I LOVE YOU and i am excited for many many years to come and to watch you grow and change and i hope your lovey nature never changes

Daily dose of SHALLOW

I talk about transparency and authenticity a lot
i like to feel like i am a straight up person
i think i am honest and true

recently i MAY have been a bit snide about people's "friend screening process" and i've always worked from a place of trust upfront UNTIL  you give me a reason to revoke the friendship pass and then good luck getting it back

but as i have delved a bit deeper into the term "FRIEND" i have determined that i like the person i judged-- have my own process and if not a process i definitely have categories and buckets in which i play people in my life

i realized recently there are people who i am close to BUT i dont have that sense of deeper connection..there are people i can chat with and chat with frequently but they dont really know me

i have some people who i connect with but dont really have that vulnerable and raw closeness

in most social settings (SHUT UP JOSH-I can be social) but for example work...i appear super friendly, bubbly, and people probably think i am the life of a party...BUT that is superficial...despite all the hi's and waves and socializing in the halls ...there is but ONE who actually knows me, tolerates me, and still loves me...

Here at 34 I have a great circle of ladies who support me and encourage me, but adding in that level of vulnerability where I am completely open to how i feel, ups and downs, wishes, dreams, and desires...There are but a few

I have two ladies who i can be completely brutally honest with about EVERYTHING from finances to boys and there is trust, there is love, there is mutual respect and understanding

i know advice is given in love, i know that secrets are safe, and i feel there is reciprocity in these relationships

i dont count my family in these statistics because that is different****

When I use the word shallow..its not necessarily bad..I think every person in our life fills a role and everyone is not meant to help you count out every stretch mark and know the intimate details of your life, maybe a friend is your meal buddy or shopping buddy

either way, friends are precious, true friends are invaluable, and the best of the best of those are just indescribable 

Monday..blog day..a shortie

It's 7:21 pm on Monday evening

I felt very productive today..that came out wrong and like i normally am not productive on a Monday BUT lets be honest..Mondays are usually spent mourning the passing of another weekend and dreaming about naps and leisurely time spent in your robe with some wine...or is that just MY Monday hot fantasy lol

I knew with my workload being kicked into overdrive recently and probably for at least the next month i could either drag into work everyday and let all of my tasks pile up and overwhelm me OR i could figure out a plan to manage things and keep a calm and cool head and actually be productive vs spinning my wheels

So today I worked a mere extra hour and a half and now i feel like while the rest of my week is going to be sprinkled heavily with meetings and other obligations, this evening I gave myself a leg up and an advantage so I dont spend the rest of the week playing catch up

Now I am home with my ALMOST 5 year old ( I still cant believe its been THAT long) and we are in my bed with our respective Apple products relaxing and unwinding before the bedtime routine begins

Im glad no one is here to witness exactly WHAT we look like right now, but hey what happens in the princess palace STAYS in the princess palace

Monday-I feel like I conquered you and Tuesday-BRING IT ON!!!!

Just Breathe...

Well another Monday under the belt

I don't know about you but mine was overwhelming and hectic and I allowed myself to be filled with anxiety in trying to get a ton of things done and couple that with not one but two desks moves
taking my total to 14 since working in the building and well yes I felt frazzled

Between the extra responsibilities and the shortage of employees and the influx of new employees who require a little extra instructions and transition time....I felt like I was just spinning and spinning

I was grateful for my time at the gym although before I even began my workout I was sweaty due to the high temps in DC today

So amidst all of the things going on today I forgot to do the ONE thing that I know I ought to and the ONE thing one of my current Christian songs tells you to do and that is to ...JUST BREATHE

Had I taken the time to BREATHE

Had I slowed down

Had I closed my eyes and asked for a little PEACE & PATIENCE

I think my day would have felt more manageable

But alas at 4pm...well I stopped and talked so more so at 424 pm I left the door and amazingly I left all those feelings and all the stress behind...

It melted off of me just like sweat in the 100 degree heat and humidity and I entered back into the zone

the zone filled with purpose and understanding and calm

the zone where what makes me happy is the love of family

what makes me happy are texts from my Bestie from her day at the zoo

what makes me happy is hearing my Mom tell me about her "generation good luck" students

what makes me happy is pulling up and seeing my Punky Brewster child coming to the door and running to my arms

what makes me happy is coming home to my princess palace and having A/C and feeling so blessed

what makes me happy is knowing where true love and joy comes from and what it looks like

so if you have had a crazy Monday or whether it was fabulous...dont forget to take a moment to

Just BREATHE :)

Just don't become a Buckeyes Fan!!!

Well Kellee this blog has been in the works or at least in the back of my head for a few weeks and of course with your delayed departure I have been afforded extra days


I know you have anxiety and excitement about going into the unknown and this experience for you is  unknown
but a few things I wanted to share with you as someone who lives 500 miles away from her "HOME"


#1-View this move as an adventure...its an adventure to live somewhere new and different..you have always lived in Detroit and this is your chance to see other parts of the US AND Ohio is just our next state over..who knows you may become like Josh and never want to move back lol


#2-living somewhere away from your family can make your either truly appreciate the love and support you have at home or it can make you truly appreciate your independence and space :)


#3-you are able, capable, and amazing and this move will be your chance to see those things...when you have to be strong you discover just how STRONG you are and can be...


#4-This is move is about YOU and YOUR immediate family...while its not the popular thing to say and no one wants to hear..when you get married you and your husband cleave and become one and the priority goes to the 4 of you first and foremost. Think about all the military wives who move countless times and move countless miles away..they do it for their Country yes but they do it because that is what they married in to. While slightly different in some ways it is not, Biblically speaking Dereje is the head of the house and your role is to support him and if this job means him being better for you and the girls...well you know what the path is.... Others may disagree BUT at the end of the day...YOUR house ...YOUR decisions...we all can determine how we want our own house to be.


#5-This move will be what you make it, if you are excited and open minded about it...that is the experience you will have ...yes you will always miss the comforts of home but there is so much more out there and there are experiences to be had in Ohio that you and your family will share and the girls will share and it will give them a much richer childhood


#6-Do I miss home yes? But would I trade the friends/family and experiences I have had living away ...ABSOLUTELY not! There are plenty of times and things that I think man if only my Mom were right around the corner, but then I look around at the makeup here and my support system here and its quite rare what you have had with having your nuclear family so close to you and readily accessible...at times I have been envious BUT I look at the example I have set for Jordan and what a strong woman looks like and that she and I are not only SMART but KIND and HUMBLE and STRONG and RESILIENT and CAPABLE and we have realized that family is not always defined by blood ties but by those who you connect with and you can rely on...


#7 -so I say all this to say..I'm proud of you..I am SO excited for you..I am only a phone call away...no tears Kelz..just put on your crown and chin up buttercup..You GOT this!!!

4th of July Freedom and Hair

Well today is the ever popular 4th of July

As a kid this invokes memories of staying up late and playing in the street and of course FIREWORKS

At 34 the 4th of July while the meaning is not lost on me I can't but help think that man I must be failing as a fun adult and as a fun parent because all ive done today is

*insert dramatic music*

wash and restyle my hair...EASY PEASY

but then I had to tackle the hair bear's hair...

*moment of pause and cringes for anyone who has seen the mass of hair my child's head possesses and even more of a moment of respect for anyone who has had to wash or style it

i began this project yesterday and in fairness mentally i have been in basic human survival mode all weekend...you know Netflix binging HARD and fundamental human functions..eating, drinking, and a few well coordinate bathroom breaks

besides that its been COUCH love

yesterday in the back of my mind was a plan to take out Jord's hair the wash and restyle

over the course of 14+ hours all i managed to do was remove her twists and braids from the other week ..and it was a struggle...between my lack of ambition and her intense desire for "breaks" and "i just want to escape" it took me all day to get to 98% completion .


i took the last 5 twists out this morning

and being as though i painted myself into this last minute corner..today i was forced to dig in deep to find some gumption or maybe just to quit being lazy (probably more of the latter) and do her hair


so being as though in VA its raining and dreary on this ever so patriotic day i mustered up my strength and 2 hours later Jordan looks presentable again and less like Animal from the Muppet Babies lol

now we are home and she's drinking coffee (thanks Gigi) and yes she even sounded like my Mother in her "i just need some coffee" when we came in the door and watching a little Bubble Guppies while I ensure that the Monday blog reaches a certain demanding person (KSN) lol

here's to another week..i am anticipating a wonderful week full of wonderful surprises and marvelous things....
and hey its only a 4 day work week :)