Blog-a-licious

well its Monday so I better pump out some thoughts, some ideas, something lol

so i am sitting here with my "opportunist" 4 year old...its storming out and of course to ensure she gets cuddles and a night of sleeping with mommy she has planted the seed of being afraid and "not wanting to sleep alone" Toddler WIN..Parent LOSS

my funniest moment of the day...my darling adorable nieces were apparently having the best day with their day and he had a totally new appreciation for how hard his wife works daily with them

i can JUST imagine the voice of my 3 year old niece who is incredible smart and vocal..I can picture her giving her Dad instructions and her opinion because that is what granddaughters of educators do..they are smart and smarty pants-y

speaking of free entertainment...my child post shower tonight has her pajamas shorts hiked so far that it cannot be comfortable AND she has her undershirt tucked in..hmmmm  and while i type she is singing "winner winner chicken dinner"...note to self do not teach her anymore annoying sounds or sayings


as this impending Mother's Day..I just have a whole new appreciation for my Mom and all of her love and support and prayers to make me who and what I am today ..


short blog but hey something is better than nothing :)

While eating Little Bites...

What a TERRIFIC Tuesday

let me start by saying I am not necessarily a slacker BUT there is something about the combination of your boss being out coupled with an 89 degree day that makes the average person well lets just say focused elsewhere

My morning started with the usual amount of shenanigans on behalf of my TERRIFIC daughter...Me: Jord get out the bed or we will be late Jord: it's too cold out the bed, my eyes are cold Me: *blank stare*

So to say my day started with laughter was an understatement and did I mention by the time I got to work it was already 74 degrees, PRIME picking for utter mental distraction

Sans my boss I was unstoppable...

Anyhow-work was great-it's always a TERRIFIC time when my days are not spent in meetings all day


This past weekend my Josh showed me this candle and the title captivated me MANLY INDULGENCE
That kind of name intrigued me and so I had to check out the candles...the one that I got was called appropriately SUIT and TIE

I am a woman who loves descriptives words and painting a picture and image with adjectives

when this candle arrived and i smelled this candle ..... *lets just pause

SUIT and TIE

when you close your eyes and allow your senses to truly take this aroma in...just WOW

you picture a man, one not anything less than dapper
you visualize a man with a fresh shave and shiny shoes
you picture a gentleman, well groomed in not only his appearance but his behavior

you picture a man who holds doors and pulls out chairs
you picture your quintessential GUY when you smell SUIT and TIE

Now that Josh has opened that door I cant wait to smell the other scents: Bachelor Pad (maybe not so much this one), Ivy League, Midnight (definitely this one), Last Call, of course Black Tuxedo, Fresh Shave, and 5 O'clock shadow...

I dont know about you but my sense of smell is one of my most powerful and favorite...it invokes memories and memories are lasting

Scent (albeit I am referring to good scents) lingers and scent is :

 -the most powerful memory trigger
-a woman's scent tells more about her than her handwriting
-can be like a drug
-is all about trying to communicate emotion


I have so many favorite scents..too many to list...although my favorite scent just like my favorite memory and my favorite everything is....the smell of Christmas...the pine, the spices, the egg nog, anything and everything Christmasy....

ok i think today was two different thoughts...but hey my blog..my thoughts lol

laters

Such a beautiful day

Today started off like any other Monday...running late...holding the pillow just a little longer...debating on a sick day or maybe just a taking a half day

but then broke up with my bed and began my morning...i spent some time with my creator studying and listening and learning....and after i felt at peace in my heart and soul...i went ahead and began getting ready to face the world...

my little was in great spirits this morning after a roller coaster weekend and we managed to get out the house not necessarily on time but not too far after...

along my morning ride i received my morning check-in from my other mother and I think that is honestly what set my day on a path of just wonderful surprises and special smiles...

Gigi Marigold (as coined by Jord) always greets me at just the right moment to inspire me, love me, and fill my day with new perspective.

As i think about it now looking over my day I have such amazing people in my life...my village...my A-team, my loving circle is SO incredibly dynamic..

It speaks to God and the type of people he knows I need in my life..I am in awe at the type of encouragement i get day by day...On the days when I may be in a slump I receive a text or just the right words..

My work partner in crime...she and I took nice walks outside today in nature and the weather was oh so perfect...

I am still at a loss for words but today was just a beautiful day..
full of love
full of warm sunshine
full of laughter
full of hope
full of joy


Mondays are generally a day that most people just try to "make it through"
but i floated through this Monday
I glided through it

I glowed through it...and whenever I wonder how and why my life is so sweet..I just think about the one I pray to and talk to and who guides me through each sweet sweet day and I am reminded what life is truly about

its not always the big thing
its not always the earth shattering fall to your knees things
life is good and life is sweet because of the love that we see and feel ...and often its wrapped in perfect small packages

frazzled...incomplete thoughts..ideas...

I had this great plan on Monday to get my blogs out each Monday..i wanted to begin to have some consistency again

and then Monday came and went and there were no creative juices flowing

honestly today is not much different

i dont have any topics weighing heavily on my mind..

or maybe that's me being deceptive and just being unwilling to share

i go back and forth with wondering do i want my blog to be fun and upbeat and maybe sometimes positive and encouraging or do i want it to always be genuine and me

as i sit here...i could share how much i realized i don't like the early parts of dating

i can say now at 34 AND with a child and a 4 year old at that..dating gives me anxiety

i see how some people avoid it..i mean people avoid dating with no kids and you throw in a kid AND a girl at that with the current online, fast speed, creepy creepers lurking behind every corner and its just a dynamic that is DAUNTING and EXHAUSTING

I have traditionally dated safely as in I date guys that work with me or near me or somehow are connected to me so I know their backgrounds and I have a baseline understanding of who they are and what they could be

BUT in looking at my track record, that has not panned out to the perfect "happily ever after"
so they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results

so I am attempting to step out of my very safe comfort zone and try SOMETHING NEW *Kellee and Gigi might get a snicker out of this reference to the movie
BUT this go around I will be open to not dating someone who works where I work and someone who is different with a different background

maybe allowing some differences , while not fundamental ones, will add for new experiences and bonding on a level that i have no achieved before

not seeing someone at home and at work could open up doors to meeting new friends as well as different conversations

maybe dating outside of my comfort zone will force me to grow and learn more about myself
i ran into an old coworker today and she asked how my dating was going and i responded meh and she's like BUT look at you...and her response was that if she looked like me with my body she definitely would not have a problem meeting guys

so i love that people dont see me as a mudd duck BUT i realize anyone worth their salt and with substance is not just looking at the outward

#notetoselfNOonlinedating

sooo tonight that's all i got...nothing profound and not truly venting...just sharing where i am

nope don't want a pep talk
dont need to hear how great i am

dont need to hear that being single isnt so bad
save it all

ive heard it

i know it
grrrr

ok

*exhales*

so its been awhile

that may even be an understatement

where to begin...what to say..what to share...

as authentic as i proclaim to be...there are times when i think i shut down my transparency

i am not sure how much of it is wounded puppy sitting alone licking its wounds vs that fear of people judging, saying i told you so, or even knowing just how i genuinely feel

or the times when i really dont have it all together

my mom has said it and i might agree with her especially of late

i am the person who will put that smile on her face no matter whats going on

i will smile through the sadness

i will smile through the struggles and even the hurt

no matter whats going on..i am going to try to smile

i dont know if i smile because "fake it til you make it"

or maybe i dont want anyone to worry about me

maybe i dont want to truly expose my vulnerability and at times frailty when i want to be perceived as "strong"

do i smile because i know eventually whatever is hurting will stop and my smile will be genuine again

do i smile so that no one will ask me if everything is okay

i dunno....probably a little bit of all the above

lately there have been peaks and valleys

life always is full of curves and straight aways

i think the past year has taught me that life is never going to be what you expect and you can only control so much and yet control nothing at all

there are only a few things in life that are guarantees and we all know what those are

what i have learned is that you have to keep going forward

you can't quit

on all the days when i want to sit and cry and scream how unfair things can be

i realize that's not an option

as much as i would love to stay on my couch in my magical robe

i know its not healthy

but its human

its human to want to retreat

to want to lick your wounds

to want a new strategy

its human to not have it all together

its human to not always be strong

its human to cry

its human to feel life and struggles are not always fair

its human to feel

its human to hurt

its human to not want to smile

so hello my name is April and i am a human

*this blog return was requested by KSN...you're welcome lol

--

*exhales*

so its been awhile

that may even be an understatement

where to begin...what to say..what to share...

as authentic as i proclaim to be...there are times when i think i shut down my transparency

i am not sure how much of it is wounded puppy sitting alone licking its wounds vs that fear of people judging, saying i told you so, or even knowing just how i genuinely feel

or the times when i really dont have it all together

my mom has said it and i might agree with her especially of late

i am the person who will put that smile on her face no matter whats going on

i will smile through the sadness

i will smile through the struggles and even the hurt

no matter whats going on..i am going to try to smile

i dont know if i smile because "fake it til you make it"

or maybe i dont want anyone to worry about me

maybe i dont want to truly expose my vulnerability and at times frailty when i want to be perceived as "strong"

do i smile because i know eventually whatever is hurting will stop and my smile will be genuine again

do i smile so that no one will ask me if everything is okay

i dunno....probably a little bit of all the above

lately there have been peaks and valleys

life always is full of curves and straight aways

i think the past year has taught me that life is never going to be what you expect and you can only control so much and yet control nothing at all

there are only a few things in life that are guarantees and we all know what those are

what i have learned is that you have to keep going forward

you can't quit
on all the days when i want to sit and cry and scream how unfair things can be

i realize that's not an option

as much as i would love to stay on my couch in my magical robe

i know its not healthy

but its human

its human to want to retreat
to want to lick your wounds

to want a new strategy

its human to not have it all together
its human to not always be strong

its human to cry

its human to feel life and struggles are not always fair

its human to feel
its human to hurt

its human to not want to smile

so hello my name is April and i am a human

*this blog return was requested by KSN...you're welcome lol

16 days into a new year and i am finally sitting to pen a blog....

I could have started the new year off with a recap of 2015 and all my lofty goals and plans for 2016 BUT instead I would rather take this new year as a gift and accept the gift one day at a time and simply just enjoy

i look forward to a year of new ventures, new faces, new experiences, a lot of laughter, and of course true to my form, a lot of LOVE

LOVE is always unpredictable
LOVE can look many different ways

LOVE is sometimes unforgiving and relentless
LOVE is EVER powerful and always all-consuming

LOVE has good, LOVE has bad
LOVE has conditions, true LOVE does not

This year as with the years of the past, I will not give up on LOVE but remain open to it
BUT I will only allow TRUE LOVE to capture my attention and TRUE LOVE to influence my actions, choices, and decisions

I will no longer be swayed by lukewarm or half-assed LOVE
I want solid as a rock, strong as a diamond, impenetrable, growing, thriving FOREVER ...TRUE LOVE

True Love is not based on emotions or a cute face, but it is grounded in the one who IS love and who loved us first
by seeking HIM first and taking his path THEN and ONLY then will TRUE LOVE be mine

Mine to enjoy and bask in

because while lust and like fade

Love NEVER Fails.................