I had this great plan on Monday to get my blogs out each Monday..i wanted to begin to have some consistency again
and then Monday came and went and there were no creative juices flowing
honestly today is not much different
i dont have any topics weighing heavily on my mind..
or maybe that's me being deceptive and just being unwilling to share
i go back and forth with wondering do i want my blog to be fun and upbeat and maybe sometimes positive and encouraging or do i want it to always be genuine and me
as i sit here...i could share how much i realized i don't like the early parts of dating
i can say now at 34 AND with a child and a 4 year old at that..dating gives me anxiety
i see how some people avoid it..i mean people avoid dating with no kids and you throw in a kid AND a girl at that with the current online, fast speed, creepy creepers lurking behind every corner and its just a dynamic that is DAUNTING and EXHAUSTING
I have traditionally dated safely as in I date guys that work with me or near me or somehow are connected to me so I know their backgrounds and I have a baseline understanding of who they are and what they could be
BUT in looking at my track record, that has not panned out to the perfect "happily ever after"
so they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results
so I am attempting to step out of my very safe comfort zone and try SOMETHING NEW *Kellee and Gigi might get a snicker out of this reference to the movie
BUT this go around I will be open to not dating someone who works where I work and someone who is different with a different background
maybe allowing some differences , while not fundamental ones, will add for new experiences and bonding on a level that i have no achieved before
not seeing someone at home and at work could open up doors to meeting new friends as well as different conversations
maybe dating outside of my comfort zone will force me to grow and learn more about myself
i ran into an old coworker today and she asked how my dating was going and i responded meh and she's like BUT look at you...and her response was that if she looked like me with my body she definitely would not have a problem meeting guys
so i love that people dont see me as a mudd duck BUT i realize anyone worth their salt and with substance is not just looking at the outward
#notetoselfNOonlinedating
sooo tonight that's all i got...nothing profound and not truly venting...just sharing where i am
nope don't want a pep talk
dont need to hear how great i am
dont need to hear that being single isnt so bad
save it all
ive heard it
i know it
grrrr
ok
