why we date at the level of our self esteem

So I want to dedicate this blog today to my other half..the one that shares my brain and my heart..and right now she is my she-ro *however corny that may sound*

before I get into my blog and this all does tie into the initial blog from the other day

BUT my girl is strong and confident and embodies so many elements that other women should...

i got an email from one of my sites..its called THE DAILY LOVE and it usually provides a good thought or some good quotes in regards to love and such

and today's topic was WHY WE DATE AT THE LEVEL OF OUR SELF-ESTEEM

i saw this and was like WOW...and after reading it and I will attach it at the bottom of my blog..I thought HOW TRUE and HOW APPROPRIATE IT THIS

i am not judging anyone and their relationship and the decisions they make

I WAS blown away though at the grace and strength of my pretty who decided to take charge and control her life and the 4 year relationship she was in...He was not on the same page and instead of falling victim to just "staying around" my girl got up brushed herself off and with grace and dignity and her head held VERY DAMN HIGH ...she walked away...she gave him the opportunity to make right...she gave him time to talk reflect and reassess but at the end she knew what she wanted and what she stood and stands for and so she closed that chapter....

I think its often too hard for people to "walk away" even if we know its the BEST thing for us to do..YES it hurts and yes its sometimes safer to safe...but do you ever really accomplish things in life by playing it "safe"!!!!

My girl is SUCH a rock star right now....which leads to me to another point...so she met another guy and this one so far is FABULOUS..and its just right...because here is my thing..we can't CHANGE anyone but ourselves...and when you meet someone and the timing is right and the person is in the right place..it just is smooth....this guy is in the right place and he is ready for all the things my girl is

TIMING is everything...when a man or woman are ready and in that spot they are in that spot...you cant force someone to be there...

when i met my hubs...he was in that place and it became a natural step vs fighting or pleading or convincing...

So to my girl..you make me proud and you set an example to your younger sisters and some other women who know you

its not easy but with everything else in life..we take it ONE STEP AT A TIME

HERE IS THE BLOG

We date at the level of our self-esteem. Your relationship is a direct reflection of your own self-love and self-worth.

A lot of TDL Seekers have written in saying that they are in a relationship (dating, marriage, etc.) with someone who they really are into, but they are not getting their needs met. They keep asking me how they have to change to keep the relationship going.

Pause.

Let me be clear - the only way we should have to change is to be more authentically ourselves. This means compromise, of course, but this also means not abandoning ourselves to please another.

The common question seems to be: "How can I change myself so this will work", and the response is "Don't change yourself - BE YOURSELF".

Many Seekers are terrified of being alone and of the unknown. And I understand, it can be hella uncomfortable in there. But if your needs aren't being met in a relationship, it's not the other persons fault. The responsibility is on you to communicate your needs and to choose someone who honors you, cherishes you and loves you.

If you don't love, honor and cherish yourself, you will settle and your needs won't get met.

To be a Seeker we must get comfortable with the unknown and with letting go of toxic relationships. We must step into the Faith that we can create the life we truly desire, not as we change to please others, but as we step more into our own authentic selves. This means communicating our needs, having higher standards around the people we are dating and stepping into our own self-love and self-care.

Of course in any relationship we have to compromise and find a middle ground. This is part of being in relationship. But this blog is aimed at the thousands of folks who have written in asking how they can change to please other people. Please yourself first and then you will attract someone who is pleased with you.

This means embracing the unknown and being okay with letting go of something or someone that isn't meeting your needs.

Ask yourself this question: "If I REALLY loved myself, what would I do?"

Response to a Facebook Post of a highly influential person

So a very wise man posted the following on his FACEBOOK page and yes it’s long but I think it’s worth reading..10 years ago I would have read something like this and argued and gotten upset and thought that can’t be true and I would have looked at this through my rose colored naïve and fairytale glasses and tried to “fix” him. Now as a good and grown woman who has lived some life had some good and some bad…I find MUCH of this post very true…Since this is long..today I will share the post and tomorrow I will continue to respond…I truly believe that we do not want to deal with REALITY –we want to think that some of these things are not true and very true they might not speak for ALL but I can say I agree with the 14 points made in this post. So read it..think about it..think about it with some real honesty and I will discuss it more tomorrow!

 

 

 

 

I'm a bit more unfiltered in 2012 :-)

--I’ve recognized that a few of the thoughts I have concerning Women of the world may seem a bit controversial to some when shared via Facebook, but the point missed is that generally what I say is shared amongst guys during out intellectual yet poignant deep meeting of the minds type conversations! lol (Yeah that made me laugh too). Here’s a few thoughts to consider Ladies that run through Triggs’ head when I browse posts on FaceBook: 1. There is no such thing as a good or bad guy – We are all (or have the potential to be) Dogs! We are all out (initially <= keyword) for the same thing => The Va Jay Jay! You all get confused cause some of the routes/methods used to get you seem ‘good’ or ‘bad’. 2. Nothing you do will prevent a guy from cheating!! Cause him to cheat? Well now that’s a different story, but no matter what you do or say the final decision is His. Being that we are visual, logical and instinct driven creatures your only recourse is to paint a picture for from which we’ll decide not to cheat <= meaning what are you bringing to the table? What are you offering that outweighs our desire to stray? Your ‘pros’ to trump the ‘cons’ of him cheating. 3. The number of children a Woman has directly affects her chances of getting a guy to settle down with her regardless of the ten children a guy may have. Yeah its unfair, but that’s life and life is… Well you know that rest. The affect is lessened by how well that same woman is able to manage without a Man’s help, BUT it get amplified the more she TELLS a guy that she doesn’t need a Man to manage <= we aren’t blind, let you actions speak for themselves. 4. Any woman with the term “TEAM-Whatever” as a part of their user/screen name may as well have the label “TEAM-ForeverSingle” or “Team-DesperatelyWantingToBeSomeoneTheirNot”. The same could be said about the ‘Barbie’ phenomenon <= You look like a clown and will get treated as such. 5. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLACK AND WHITE WOMEN!! “White Girl Drunk” and “The Angry Black Woman” are fallacies. Trying to outdo the other with crazy sex acts or dog another race with assumptions does not present them in a bad light as you intend, instead it takes away from yourself. It’s is environmental not cultural. There are STRONG and WEAK women with a few that fall into a gray area => In the end you’re all pink on the inside! 6. Bad experiences happen to everyone – GET OVER YOURSELF!! You chose the guy/situation, so the blame lies with the one you see in the mirror. Learn from the experience – become wiser => choose to evolve instead of becoming a bitter complaint ridden person. So long as you are/were genuine and gave yourself fully to the situation/person there should be no regrets only growth for the next person to rejoice in. 7. Describing yourself as THICK and… SLIM and… DIVA this… FABULOUS that is prequalifying what should be something that’s self-evident. Self-confidence is a wonderful character trait, but just because I say I’m a millionaire unfortunately doesn’t make it so. BE the best YOU and we’ll determine what we see. Begin with CONFIDENCE <= regardless of your size/age/color/station in life everything else will fall into place. 8. The more you use a term like “WIFEY” the less likely you’ll actually become someone’s WIFE! 9. Which bring me to my next thought: Guys (generally speaking) get married for a REASON rather than for LOVE. <= yeah that sounds bad, but the truth usually does. 10. TRUTH <= As Jack Nicholson stated, “Y’all can’t handle it!!” Let me rephrase... You all can handle your version of the truth => meaning what you want/choose to hear/believe. 11. Whether you were raised with 30 brothers, have 100 best male friends, watched every Tyler Perry movie or read every Steve Harvey book/Cosmopolitan relationship article => YOU DON’T KNOW HOW GUYS REALLY ARE!!! 12. What’s with all of the Tattoos?? Despite what you hear in comparison there is nothing more attractive than the all-natural beauty of a woman. A few tatts here and there maybe, but I’d doubt anyone would put bumper stickers from front to rear on a Lamborghini… or? What are you hiding from? Trying to cover up? Improve upon? A guy sees that and think, “Wow, she’s nuts – crazy girls are wild – I gotta get her => just for the night!” 13. Attractive women need to realize you aren’t as interesting as you think you are!! Our interest will wane just as quickly as your looks do (will). What you LEAD with is how you will get treated… Don’t get me wrong I like looking at a nice picture, but if that’s all you have to offer expect to be treated like that very Beauty that draws guys in <= Temporary and fleeting. 14. THE MORE YOU DON’T NEED US = THE MORE WE WANT YOU!! Plain and F—king simple. You lead by example with your accomplishments, requirements and if we’re smart we’ll follow – if not move the *bleep* on!

Sent from my HTC on the Now Network from Sprint!

--

Love is everything it's cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.

Erica Jong

 

 

Hump Day-Humor

#1-I would like to thank my little nugget aka Jordan Lee for the 1am wake up and then followed by the laughter and playing and then it turned to cuddling and putting her feet up on me and for the next hour or so she laughed and nestled herself in my arm…when I finally got her settled back down..the 4 legged monster woke up and stood up and did a thorough shaking waking the nugget out of her milk stupor and I had to start over…BUT despite that I would not trade my mini me for the world and even though my alarm clock goes off at 5:40am –moments with her are PRICELESS and I don’t mind them at all!

 

#2 *and yes these are in a random order* It is NOT okay to have the entire back of your window covered in those sun tinting schemes such as the one I saw this morning…a whole pack of coyotes and snow scene things…I would also like to extend this rule and I know it generalizes against a certain group BUT no flags across your entire back window PLEASE!

 

#3-So yesterday we had Latin Tuesday at work (YES my idea) so being the greedy that I am-I thoroughly enjoyed and over did it..I’m talking Thanksgiving Day overload…If there was ever a possibility to overdose on food..yesterday would have been my day

I was so sick..when I went to bed last night at 8pm (from a hurting tummy) I was still full and sick…..4 words….REFRIED BEANS WITH BACON!

 

So I’m curious for the males that might read this ..I want to talk about “effort” for a second….From what I have observed some males don’t seem to appreciate or they don’t communicate it when a woman does little things…for example when you first meet a women and she always seems so well put together..manicure pedicures and hair always done….but then fast forward say 9 months to a year and she doesn’t seem to receive those same compliments from you that she did before…why is that? The funny part is that the moment she stops you DO notice and make comments

 

When I shave my legs everyday for example it’s all gravy but yet if I didn’t that’s when a male not specifically talking about RDC..but just speaking males in general would notice..

Is it hard to make sure you appreciate someone and all the little things

 

Okay you know what I can’t finish my blog and my fun thoughts because the same person from last week who was “clearing” their throat on the other side of my desk..I think he just hacked up the entire family of green guys from that nasal commercial..I won’t say the B word BUT he keeps making that NASTY noise and its GROSS

 

 

 

 

 

 

april janelle

"Let go of the things you fear to lose. Die to your attachments. Free yourself from everything you think you are and embrace the truth that you are abundant, eternal, fearless and worth being loved."

 

- Jackson Kiddard, author and polymath.

 

 

Dating vs. Marriage

Greetings!

*Let me first put out a DISCLAIMER that my blog is MERELY my opinion..it’s what the hell I think or know and there is no PhD behind my name and I do not proclaim to know it all.. I know stuff based on MY personal experiences, my friends experiences, and sometimes I use some of my friend’s friends experiences…But once again it’s MY blog so let’s get that straight*

 

 

So a wise man told me something years ago and this is an ongoing debate conversation ..When you are dating you do things because you WANT to versus being married and doing things because you HAVE to

 

I wanted to argue and I believe we did over and over but something clicked and something makes sense

 

Dating-when you are dating certain behavior is curbed…i.e..when you are dating bodily functions are often suppressed…when you are MARRIED..they slip..they become prevalent

 

When you are dating..you have the patience of a Mother Theresa…when you are married..your fuse is short and quick

 

In the world of dating…you always look sharp..you are an avid gym rat..a permanent fixture at the salon for waxing and nails and hair….MARRIED…all of a sudden the line “the good and the bad” is spoken

 

Dating you sneak in time all the time every time…Married you take for granted time

 

Dating-you kiss until your lips are sore and you are out of break…Married..a quick peck with half the passion

*they say a couple that stops kissing is heading to their end* *when I say “THEY” it was in a marital book-it could have been a quote or a line-not really sure*

 

Dating-you stay up all night talking and laughing and sharing your dreams…Marriage you go to bed and try to get sleep

 

The differences and changes are not so subtle and the list can go on and on and once again I say * THIS IS NOT ALL MARRIAGE OR DATING SITUATIONS*

 

I sit and think now however should it NOT be the opposite…When you are married it is FOREVER *In theory pending crazy or unfortunate circumstances*

 

So if you will have the same players in the show from this day forth should that not be the motivation to do MORE than you did when you were dating…Shouldn’t marriage be the motivator to be even MORE spontaneous…shouldn’t you kiss more..talk sweeter..share more dreams and lay out the groundwork to achieve those dreams

 

Shouldn’t you do things to make that person feel secure everyday…When you were dating you flirted and often were less than shy about your intentions…are you the same why today? if no..WHY NOT!

 

You can’t sell someone an Audi V8 with a 4 cylinder so why would you sell yourself any differently

 

If you were the old school Keith Sweat Brian McKnight H Town Shai LSG lover than guess what keep it up step it up..don’t downgrade

 

Don’t stop being romantic..don’t stop trying….keep on loving..keep on growing…In my theory the better you get to know someone the MORE comfortable you become which opens up more doors and more opportunities to put a smile on their face or keep that fire going…

 

If you wouldn’t slack off on your job then why slack off in the MOST important relationships we have

 

There is a certain energy and excitement and high that comes along with meeting someone new and falling in love……have you ever listened to a album (a love album) and the entire album make you smile and made you think “I feel that way too” and you can’t help but SMILE

 

Keep working at that for your marriage…Keep it spicy- keep that person smiling glowing and loving you more and more each day

 

 

*So I try to keep my blogs neutral in the religion department-all of my readers are not religious or don’t follow what I follow and everyone’s walk is different..so I won’t infer or push that information…my blogs are fun and light hearted J *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

april janelle

"Let go of the things you fear to lose. Die to your attachments. Free yourself from everything you think you are and embrace the truth that you are abundant, eternal, fearless and worth being loved."

 

- Jackson Kiddard, author and polymath.

 

 

Soapbox for a second-FOOD for thought!

SO I READ THIS AND I COULD NOT NOT SHARE…IT’S SO TRUE AND SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT FROM A RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE STANDPOINT

 

I used to be such a starry-eyed believer of love. I thought that love conquered all - and that as long as you shared that feeling with someone, it meant that the relationship would last. In the theory of fairytales and movies, this may be the case, but in North American reality - not quite. Instead, love is only one of the many ingredients needed for a long-lasting partnership. But the concerning issue is - people put so much weight on the feeling of love, a feeling that inevitably changes, takes different forms and can get blinded easily.

A partnership is not just about the emotions and feelings of love. A partnership is about commitment, and being responsible to that commitment regardless of what the external variables of the time are. It's about the commitment to choosing decisions that will serve the relationship even when it would "feel" better to not. Married or not married, when you decide to enter into a partnership with another, commitment means you act with integrity, respect and care -even when your emotions are telling you otherwise.

Because love isn't enough. Let me clarify, love, in the way most of us define it, isn't enough. Love isn't what makes you decide to not act out your desires when someone attractive starts showing you attention (and you haven't had sex in months). Love is not what makes you apologize and give your partner a hug after an argument (even though inside you know you're 100% right). Love is not what makes you weather the storm when disaster strikes (which it will). Love is not what makes you decide to treat each other with kindness, respect and empathy during a breakup or divorce (you'd be surprised how quickly love can feel like hate at that time). No, it's not love. It's commitment. It's the responsibility to keeping your commitment. Not just to the other person, but to yourself.

Love, and that giddy feeling in your stomach may be what guides you when you're feeling great about the apple of your eye. But what steers you when you're going through an ebb, or a rough patch? Can you depend on love at that point?

Love isn't rational. It can't be controlled. If you allow a feeling that is so emotional and malleable to dictate your behavior, you'll realize quickly that it only pans out when things are up, not when they're down. Commitment on the other hand, will guide you through both. Commitment is not dependant on the heartstrings, it's dependant on a conscious choice you make - and that, is something you have complete control over.

Amy Chan

 

 

april janelle

"Let go of the things you fear to lose. Die to your attachments. Free yourself from everything you think you are and embrace the truth that you are abundant, eternal, fearless and worth being loved."

 

- Jackson Kiddard, author and polymath.

 

 

random funny musings

Yesterday was my first day back to the gym-New Baby New body 2012…or something like that….

 

So I get downstairs and put on my gym clothes..one small caveat….my sports bra’s are still in my pre baby pre nursing size……..Can you say INAPPROPRIATE I put a top on BUT still I had the “ boob bubble” ! I thought that would excite me but at work NOT SO MUCH!!

 

Cream of Wheat-you know the wheat cereal you ate as a kid..WELL-they have a new flavor-CINABON and let’s just say I had a two for one coupon *yes I have been clipping coupons-in a NORMAL-not obsessive way* so I brought it and I LOVE IT!

 

The guy on the other side of my cube is getting over a cold and keeps clearing his throat BUT it’s that nasty first thing in the morning hacking one! Disgusting !

 

Listening to Erykah Badu…something about her songs make me think of summer time and the warm sun kissing my skin

 

Wow-now JOE-All the things your man won’t do..man I can’t believe how OLD this song is.

 

Is it bad that I am looking forward to my lunch? I love when I cook or have something homemade and I can’t wait to eat it..So I defrosted some of my whipped sweet potatoes and then the brisket I made the other day-lunch is looking to be pretty promising

 

Today’s eating has been swell..oatmeal with craisins ..so far 32 ounces of water..a few pretzels…..and my afternoon snack is yogurt and I have some butter free popcorn!!!

 

I was going to climb on my soap box and say something about the new year and how this year we need to all be more forgiving of ourselves and say yes more than we say no and spend more time with those that mean something to us …….but hey it’s a new year…just do what you want…whether that is something new or what you did last year

 

 

 

april janelle

"Let go of the things you fear to lose. Die to your attachments. Free yourself from everything you think you are and embrace the truth that you are abundant, eternal, fearless and worth being loved."

 

- Jackson Kiddard, author and polymath.

 

 

Sentimental moment

There is something so very humbling about passing by Arlington Cemetery -it doesn't matter how many times I drive past ..one look over at all the white tombstones just makes me pause and melancholy to know the many many lives that have be given for my behalf and for my liberties and safety
Today while passing there were wreaths on each headstone and I am sure each one was laid with the utmost respect and even though it could seem like a tedious long task -i would think each one would just be a reminder
I have military in my family and everyone joins for their own reasons but those that lost their lives lost them all the same (in the sense that they lost their live no mater why they joined)
I appreciate my military and I am thankful everyday for those that take the jobs that no one else takes
For those that run in when everyone else runs out
Thank you
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry