Eating humble pie.....

Well this is my blog so I can be honest and say what I want, I can be as transparent as I choose or as funny as I wish (which usually is not very funny at all)


Yesterday, I was a poor communicator, I did all the things I know better than to do and yet in a moment of "me", I did everything that I have learned and read NOT to do.


The worst part was that I am versed enough on communication to have noticed the red light and the warning signs and I should have stopped myself BUT instead I mashed the gas and plowed full steam ahead in my wrongness...or as the quote says just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong....
and I did


I consulted my in-house therapist and had great advice-we talked and determined a plan and YET I made no steps to follow through with any of it


I admittedly had a moment that lasted all day where it was not so much anger building but its that moment when you skip school and it's that go big or go home thought...yup that was me..I was basking in my wrongness and poor behavior that I was literally skipping and delighting in how wrong I was...The little piece of the conscious the good gal who taps you and says YOU KNOW THIS IS WRONG..well she was clearly taking a NAP


All day long I felt mildly justified in my behavior-even dolling out advice to others


By the afternoon-I was high on the hog-I would not say that I was self-righteous BUT I was determined to hold my position as the QUEEN of WRONG


and this morning I was still okay


and THEN I read my morning devotional (albeit not until 430) and the reign of wrong came to an end and was promptly filled with regret and apologetic thoughts and feelings


Communication is hard-heck its hard for EVERYONE


yet I strive to always work on mine because I know how much of a challenge it can be amongst people...I think about how when its an important relationship that communication has to be worked at that much harder if you want the relationship strong and intact


I will just cover the highlights of my devotional :

Words Fitly Spoken

While communicating frequently and with many people seems to be the goals in the culture today, there is a much more godly goal for you to keep in mind.  Here are just a few of God's keys to loving communication. Your words are to be soft. A soft answer turns away wrath, and a harsh word stirs up anger. The Bible says pleasant words promote understanding. Your words are to be suitable -- sweet to the soul and health to the bones. And a difficult one for sure is "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19 NIV).

So I consider myself a Christian woman and yet my behavior and words yesterday probably would not have looked any different from someone who does not see themselves in the same optic.


Our mouths are such an important tool-our words have the ability to hurt or the ability to heal.


Everything in the above passage is so true and so accurate-it is a excellent blueprint for communication with anyone and everyone.
But why is it so hard in the moment to calm ourselves and choose words that are soft and that are not inflammatory
why can't our words always be laced with love and tenderness
why do we instantly pull out our top 5 venomous lines


WE all know the moment your words are harsh or rude the other person becomes defensive and how many discussions end well when there is anger and unkind words??


I yearn to be a woman whose words are soft and who people can come to and tell anything to without fear of backlash or me using words to hurt or attack them


I want to be a woman of understanding and harmony-not conflict


I want to be a woman who is not selfish and considers the feelings and emotions of others and not just mine own


I don't know if anyone else has a problem with their tongue and doesn't always think about the AFTER and the effects of the things we say, but yesterday and then today was a sobering moment


I knew before but sometimes we just need a gentle reminder...and I got mine...well received














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TGIF!!!! BEWARE this may be a feel good rant

I was sitting during my last few quiet hours of work, no let me rephrase quiet is fine, I was sitting listening to the ventilation system the last 3 hours of work after the entire UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT except me went home and therefore it was as my old coworker describes morgue quiet, but I was sitting and thinking of what topic was brewing for a blog

before i delve into the two things that came in mind (stemming from trolling Huff Post)

I took the love of my life, my little heart out for date night, we checked out a fabulous place by us, a farm to table or farm to fork whatever its called restaurant called NOT YOUR AVERAGE JOES
food was yum and i absolutely enjoy what is quickly become our Mommy daughter routine and a chance to unwind at the start of the weekend and decompress

NOW on to the blog
the first article i read was on a new phenomenon referred to as "mutual engagement", clearly I am out the loop because I had never heard of it and maybe this is once again some trendy new age "thing" that only New Yorkers or Californians do, as we ALL know they tend to be more out the box and on a different sheet of music.

anyhow the article intrigued me because it was once again a shift and a change in traditional gender roles. i understand maybe this is part 2.0 of the last trend of women proposing to men because they are "feminists" and want to take their future into their own hands.....*insert long eye roll and excuse me while i put on my hemp shoes and tree sap dress*

but the whole idea of MUTUAL ENGAGEMENT evolved from women wanting to take a more active role in their engagements and wanting the engagement to not just be about him asking for her to spend the rest of her life with him but him wanting to spend the rest of his life with her *again insert the image of the pro feminist who doesnt shave her armpits and wears tank tops all summer *

NOW I am all for pro women and women being empowered to live the life they want to life and being true to themselves and finding their authentic "self" BUT I am going to just say WOW REALLY and not that I speak for all women or even most women but i am pretty sure i can speak for me, my mom, and even my other half AND her Mom and say enough already

I think that is one of the biggest problems in relationships and marriages is that the gender roles are becoming so blurred in an effort for everyone to exert and define their independence that we are losing that piece of femininity and masculinity that actually draws us to the opposite sex.

I think its progressive enough that women (even myself) are involved and know what their engagement ring looks like, whereas traditionally, engagement rings are actually a surprise. Men would ask your best friend and sneak around for clues as to what you like.  Now men want to know and ensure you get exactly what you LOVE as it is such an investment. However, is that what marriage or even an engagement is about??? just a thought
but back to my point, women in their effort to sometimes prove they can do things for themselves and by themselves are taking away the role and need for a man and that is NOT the way God intended.

marriage was intended for men and women and for them to compliment one another and be each others cheerleaders and helpmate.
when you find that life partner your job is to love them and do so unconditionally
not love them when they are sweet and all the little things that make you smile
when you are married your role is to love them when they are unloveable and even when they may not love themselves

marriage is supposed to be a safe place, the safest relationship
but if the man and his role is threatened by a women who is afraid to submit and allow her mate the room to lead and be a man-you have a recipe for disaster
independence and being able to do it all is great
but knowing when to step aside and follow or support versus always leading is a powerful skill

i think in most relationships there is a power struggle and there is the fear of putting someone else's needs and wants before self
but i think that is the ULTIMATE test and definition of a relationship

when you talk to your mate-do you launch into how you are doing OR do you stop and allow them to vent and talk about their day
when they express a need or a feeling about something, are you able to hear them, really hear them

most people listen with the intent to respond and not the intent to understand
how about the next time someone anyone is talking to you , instead of forming your response, just LISTEN and if you REALLY want to drive home clear communication, repeat back to them what you heard or THINK you heard and allow them to say yes or no

there are so many tools out there and available so why is it so hard to put them into practice
why is it after our failures we become so wise and yet when it comes to doing it differently we still struggle

i know i bounced around with the topics but i guess the idea of wanting to be equal on EVERYTHING kinda rubbed me the wrong way
i am girl power all day long and as the mother of a little girl i definitely want her to conquer and change the world BUT at the same time i want her to be a lady
and know when to step back and allow a man to hold her door and pull out her chair

ok that's enough for a Friday

Sunday... a day to find peace..and calm ..or

dear diary,

this morning my mom returned to Detroit leaving me and her grandbaby teary eyed and feeling a serious sense of empty

i love my mom-i love her so much more as an adult and now as a mom
but this past week has been surreal and so amazing

having her here and then with me in W. VA with Jord
i have such an appreciation for her BUT at the same time it makes me realize how when you have a village or just having more than 1person around you-life can be so joyous and rich

hearing Jord and Gigi laugh and laugh and debate and negotiate warmed my heart in ways I can't fully articulate

i miss my mom
i can't deny it, 33 and i feel like she just left me at VBYC for a week in the sumer

as a result, Jord and i came home and slept the morning away and then we did what we knew how to do in order to soothe our aching hearts

laid around and cuddled

eventually i got up and threw myself into my child and let her go out and play and ride her bike, but it kept coming back to missing Gigi

normally i enjoy VA and our princess palace but right now i would trade this place for the comforts of my 15427 home and all the love that is there-every time and any time

second thought-today is my other half's anniversary and i want to say i love you and i am so happy for you
i am wishing you a lifetime of many mores and anniversary after anniversary
i am grateful to have a front row seat in your life and watching your family grow and life change and grow us
i love our past and i love our present and i am pretty sure our future will be such as wonderful

i wouldn't and couldn't ask for a better person to share my brain and my thoughts and who gets me and my emotions

i love you for understanding and getting me
we have proved that relationships based in love and good communication and mutual respect can stand the test of time and here we are 33 years strong
no one else has weathered the seasons and storms of life and still been there with me loving me and laughing with me *besides my parents and some family

third thought: people show you how they feel about you truly based on the things spoken and the things not spoken

fourth thought -tomorrow starts my spring cleanse as i once again reach inside of me for discipline and strength as i say no to processed foods and sugars and get back to eating good and feeling better..

i can't wait to put on my bikini for Vegas..let the transformation begin :)

Happy Sunday all

The Definition of......

​characterized by understanding; prompted by, based on, or demonstrating comprehension, intelligence, discernment, empathy, or the like:

​

​bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.

having the ability to impress the mind; arousing admiration, awe, respect, etc.; moving; admirable:

having acute mental or emotional sensibility; aware of and responsive to the feelings of others.

to maintain or advocate (a theory, principle, etc.).

having a capacity for moral decisions and therefore accountable; capable of rational thought or action:

​

​all of the above definitions are what one may consider positive attributes, ones that we all hope to have and exude, and yet when they all are attributes of someone who is on your team and in your corner -these words are not just words but STRONG character traits.

sometimes in life someone absolutely blows you away and its not always in the biggest way but in something that is small and yet so critical.

people never understand the affect they have on you-generally they think they are just being themselves and its so sweet when them being them is all those definitions above and more

I am grateful for big things and little..i am grateful to know that in my life I have amazing people and that there is stability

as a result of hurt and past interactions where people fell below the bar, you begin to expect the worst and wait for the ball to drop and for the bad to come

and yet when someone says NO I am not going to follow that pattern and shows you a different way and a better way

what you do get is restoration and renewed belief and a warmer heart and a fuller heart and a stronger heart

and that results in LOVE:

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

not limited by conditions; absolute :

UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING

​

What the BLOG

SO I asked my coworker for a topic to write about for my blog today
he said Love and Forgiveness

and i immediately said NO that's stupid
i dont want to talk about that or write about that

last night at Womens small group
what did we talk about ..repentance and forgiveness and apologizing and saying we are sorry

it sounds so good it sounds so easy
but right now im mad at someone and i dont want to be the bigger person

i dont want to apologize for my petty behavior and silent treatment which I am VERY good at
i dont want to apply all the things I learn in Church about being a good Christian and being the first one to say sorry even if it's not your  fault or even when it is

I don't want to say I am sorry for any part I may have played in this
I don't
I don't
I don't

now that i say that and write it-i sound like a petulant child
BUT when you are in the midst of all your wrongness and you are stubborn you don't care

you rationalize things by saying its not your fault its the others
you say well i want them to think about what they said or did

you want them to feel an inkling of how they made you feel
it sounds a bit like an eye for an eye

which once again convicts me because i KNOW BETTER
that's not how i am raised and not what i believe

i was raised  to love and to forgive
treat others the way you want to be treated

as a Christian you want God to forgive you for all the mistakes you make and the wrong you do
and yet the ones closest to us
it is SO hard to let stuff go

its a sin i know
and how can we want others to forgive us when we dont want to offer a genuine forgiveness or when we have a selfish heart

shouldnt we want to have a quick heart to forgive
shouldnt we have a heart so full of love that we forgive over and over
especially to the ones we love
 you cant say you love someone and not forgive

you can't say you love someone and be slow to forgive
and what is LOVE

LOVE is GOD
and God is LOVE

so when you LOVE and are in LOVE you make God happy as he sees himself in you and your actions
its not about religion that is man made its about the more abstract

God doesn't ask us for much and his greatest rule or commandment is to LOVE

that's it
to LOVE

and LOVE encompasses so much

LOVE=forgiveness
LOVE=humility
LOVE=compassion
LOVE=understanding
LOVE=listening
LOVE=tenderness
LOVE=happy
LOVE=sad
LOVE is..................................

update from me on my by me

i figured i better write a few words before certain people started complaining or others thought my blog got shut down

its been a minute, life is still good, life is GREAT....
one of my supreme besties and sister from another mister got engaged on Valentine's Day and the other part of the triple threat is now expecting baby numero DOS

for most women their initial thoughts are never putting someone else's happiness first but my heart literally swelled in their exciting news and life changing moments

i can't think of any two more deserving women than Coco and Kelz and yes i am biased because they are my sisters but still

I am excited for Summer 2015 for Kellee and 2016 for Court...life changes but I have realized that as life changes, life gets sweeter and we grow and we learn and we become better people..or at least we should

our paths and obstacles define us in so much as we either learn from them and dance to a different beat or we continue to take the path of thorny bushes and difficulty

i look forward to the new adventures our trio will have ...kids and spouses are a new dynamic but it gives us another common ground and another strand in our relationship that further strengthens us

a lesson i have learned and its about putting it into practice is being able to say I am sorry

pride is such an evil and ugly disease but when you hurt someone you have to be able to step aside for a moment and swallow it and say you are sorry
its not easy but if your heart is in the right place and that person is truly in your heart then just say it
because as Maya Angelou said people may forget all the things you do for them but people will NEVER forget how you make them feel

i want people to feel that i treated them with respect and love and kind heartedness

ok short blog two different topics but hey im out of practice
adios

and of out nowhere HERE i am

So I was in the gym this morning and I saw the corniest commercial and in the spirit of Kellee who always asks me to write a funny blog here it goes.

As we get closer to the ever romantic holiday of VALENTINE'S DAY-the commercials have begun wtih what to get and what she will love

from the .."He went to Jared's " commercials to the "A Diamond is forever" ones-to the EXTREME and EXTREMELY bad commercial i saw today

I am sorry Vermont Teddy Bears BUT I am NOT and DO not want a LIFE SIZED teddy bear
i am good and dang on grown

i saw that commercial and not only did i almost fall off the treadmill and not from lack of coordination but in awe at the BAD direction that tv media was giving men

they even had a woman standing there with a low cut tank top and clearly a push up bra with a box of chocolates and she looks at them and throws them down in disgust WHICH folks lets pause for a moment..no woman EVER has thrown out chocolote that is just nothing short of Jihad

and in the next moment she tosses the flowers in the trash and then her goofy boyfriend comes in with a lifesized teddy bear and her face lights up

if this is not some delusional crazy i don't know what is

it was sad and i sincerely hope that no man who thinks in the darkest of corners of his man brain that giving a GROWN woman a massive teddy bear or a teddy bear in general once you are out of high school will score you anymore than a night alone and possibly a ticket to the freeway of being SINGLE is sadly mistaken


SO I know the argument could be wow that sounds ungrateful and its the thought that counts
well guess what HAD a guy given it some thought #1 he would know his partner and #2 he would have THOUGHT better than to buy a stupid teddy bear for her to do what with-lay and lounge on like its a bean bag

this whole commercial makes me roll my eyes with irritation

ok that's all
that is my vent for today
i am stepping off my soapbox