38 years and counting!!!!

so i want to dedicate today's thoughts and blog to a couple i know pretty well and today they are celebrating 38 years of marriage

38 YEARS-HOLY ISH!!!

That's a long time..its longer than i've been a live
its 3 decades almost 4

38 years is a LONG time-okay i know i already said that but as someone who seemingly hasn't even seen a 5 year let alone 10 years
38 years is FOREVER

are they cut from a different cloth

is it a generational thing

what is it that binds a couple together for 38 years

its not just love, although having some of that helps

is it commitment

is it EQUAL commitment
i think many failed marriages have the commitment but maybe its not equal or maybe its not strong so that when its tested
its crumbles

i think of how amazing it must be to have that much time in with someone

i think about how well you know someone and how im sure it genuinely gets sweeter and sweeter as the years go by

to get through the first 10 years of identifying and defining yourselves as a couple
then another 10 years to get into a groove and enjoy life and one another
then another 10 years to keep doing what you have clearly been doing and doing it well

ive read statistics that say divorce can be a generational thing
but then i look at me
my parents are celebrating 38 years and yet
where am i
not divorced just once but almost twice

why is that

i had a PERFECT example
i saw what it takes
i dont think i lack the commitment

i dont lack the desire and willingness to put in the work
i want til death do us part

i want to be confident in my relationship
i want to have that security that my partner is mine and mine alone and that no matter what obstacle comes along they will STILL be there

i want that spouse that is mindful of me and my sensitivities and fights fair
i want a spouse that disagrees but does not say things to damage or destroy me and our relationship

i want to build something and watch it grow
i have already created an alternate family model for my child
but how can i still give her what my parents gave me
i want to give her stability and positive examples

i dont want my child to replicate my mistakes and failures
i dont want her to see divorce as the norm and an easy out
i want my child to know her gigi and grampy put in decades together and that is the example
that is the model

soooo to mom and dad thank you for showing me how its done
even if i cant seem to get it right
at least i KNOW and have an excellent example of what marriage looks like and i see what the fruits of your labor produce
thank you
thank you
and Happy Anniversary 

the most perfect day

i know perfection is an illusion and that if you ask some there is NO such thing as anything perfect

but let me tell you today and this morning was PERFECT

my child and i woke up late as usual
but unlike the old me

i wasn't rushed
i moved with a purpose but there was no point in getting worked up and bringing her along on that excitement

we walked down all 4 flights this morning at the most leisurely pace
and by the time i reached the bottom i thought wow i always try to teach my child stuff but this morning the lesson was taught by her

jord taught me this morning to not get so caught up in the clock but to really stop and enjoy the moment
and today the moment was in walking down the stairs this morning with our matching shoes and on the same foot at the same time

we got to school and had a smooth drop off and then i hopped in my car
rolled my windows down
cranked my radio and drove to work

the whole ride i reflected on the perfection of the morning and how great i felt

usually mondays are a day to drag and miss the weekend
but today i felt amazing

i had a wonderful weekend
full of adventure and laughter and fun and while i can reflect back on it fondly and replay lots of the moments over and over and reproduce a smile
BUT the feeling i had this morning with the perfect 79 degrees and the sun softly kissing my skin
was just PERFECT

all is well
all is good
i have no complaints

i know every monday is not this way
but this monday was my perfect monday

we all need a perfect day where we are determined to just enjoy the moment and determined to not focus on all the crazy and "other" stuff and really just stop and think what is good and right in our life and our world and let that be our guide

let that be your smile
there will always be something that can be fixed or can be better
but there are SO many things in life that are JUST RIGHT the way they are

it's the little things

in life it is so easy to focus on the big picture and thebig things that we truly forget to sometimes appreciate the little things

today is monday and after an amazing time in michigan with my family i am back at work

i am tired and just trying to make it through the day
its not a bad day but a monday

however in the midst of my monday i got a wonderful surprise

something unexpected but completely welcome and appreciated

which brings me to my topic of the little things often holding more importance than the big things

over the past 2 days i had two acts of goodness done for me and despite being tired
i am now wearing a smile

the first one-i will just shout out my dad for yesterday

my heart was warmed and it was so thoughtful

thank you Dad , i love you

and todays act was something completely out of the blue and if i could have jumped up and down at my desk i would have

it was nice to be thought of and i think if more people did small acts for others the world would be a happier place

i had such a great time at home

had great times with my mom and we talked and bonded over a  nice bottle of prosecco

my dad was in 7th heaven with my mini me aka his favorite little person

and of course i spent some time with my other half and my adorable little niece

albeit too short i left home feeling recharged and my heart feeling love and loved

so todays thought and the thought for the week is to smile and help someone else smile

Excess

my name is april and i live in loudoun county

the richest county in VA

the land of excess and 700,000 homes

the land of the Jones'

its interesting the timing of things in life

the past few months i have been taking a hard look at my life

and my spending and how much "stuff" i have and how much "extra" i have

i have been toying around with how i can simplify my life and my environment

i am aware well more aware now having a child how much "stuff" we can acquire

i realized a long time ago I will not be the Jones' and so i checked myself out that race

i will not be the housewife of ashburn with the diamond on my finger worth more than most people's homes

that's just not going to be me

i often have the conversation with coworkers and whomever like WHAT IS IT THESE PEOPLE here all do to afford to this lifestyle

i have deducted most are mortgage poor and living beyond their means

most are probably in debt beyond their eyeballs and living check to check

and there are probably some who can legitimately afford the lifestyle

but im pretty sure that's not the majority

so i was invited to do a small group discussing and reading the book 7 an experimental mutiny against excess

i think it came right on time for me

i was at a point where i realized i sure did love my facebook but i was giving it too much time, i realized i was eating out far too much, when in reality i am actually a damn good cook, i realized that Amazon app may need to be used a little less, and maybe just maybe it was time to actually use all my lotion and body products and perfume before i buy anymore

all these thoughts were going through my head and then in comes this book and this study

the first portion of the study focuses on a food fast...
now before anyone gets all excited i am NOT about to starve myself BUT what i am doing is looking at the waste and excess food i eat use or throw away

it puts it in perspective when you think about people who would love to eat ours scraps and food we waste
or people who don't know where their next meal is coming from
and our biggest decision is beef or lobster

often as humans we look up to those who are doing better than us and use them as a barometer to judge our next move or determine where we stand
and if that is the case you also have to look at those who have LESS

those who will never experience having a full belly those who will never experience having a holiday based around food and greed and gluttony

so for me..my challenge is to not eat out and eat the food in my freezer and refrigerator and NOT buy lunch at work and bring my lunch

i am also expanding on the meatless monday plan and not eating meat during the work week and saving it for the weekends so it will be a treat

part of that was a weight management optimal health option but it fit right in with the EXCESS study

there are other weeks that will touch on social media excess, and shopping, and stress

all areas where we can always do some trimming

for me a few months back i took a Facebook hiatus
and yes it sucked and all my friends would come into work like did you see this or i put it on facebook

at first i went through withdrawal but then not having that temptation to check it at night or in the car or during every free moment  was freeing
so i still have FB but it is NOT on my cellphone which means I have to put forth effort to check it on my laptop
as a result i check it maybe once a week

so over the next 9 weeks during the study i look forward to getting rid of some of my excess and appreciating what i have and what i need and not falling to consumerism and materialism  so that my child grows up with values
and solid values vs the superficial ones that are easy to look around and develop

If I fall in love with Chewbacca and elope SO WHAT!!!

funny title however this blog is nothing but

i try not to be an angry writer but every once in awhile a topic pops up that pushes me to a point of extreme passion

today i was reading an article and it was about how Tia & Tamera cancelled their show and not because of poor reviews but because of the extreme HATE and ignorance they received regarding Tamera's interracial marriage

so here i go

there were so many UGLY terms utilized in the comment section regarding the show and the couple which of course unhinged the very gaping never healing wound of racism in America

2014 and while some generations feel it less there are others that are very aware of some of the underlying feelings that once ran rampant in our country

the term SELLOUT was one of the less ugly terms compared to "whore" and "bed wench" and some others that anger me to even write

let me compose myself just a bit

I am a firm believer in you date and marry and love who makes you happy and makes you most complete

whether they are the same race, another race, or same sex

who am i to determine what works for you and your heart and your life

many of the negative comments were from black males

black males who felt she was denying the brotherhood a good wife

when in reality thats probably NOT the case

its similar to when women see an attractive gay man and proclaim WHAT A WASTE

how narrow minded can you be

you will not and cannot date every man and every man is NOT for you

black males are not the ultimate protector of black women
if that is the case every black man would adore and respect his black woman

WE know that is not the case just like in any other race

i dont think black women have an obligation to date only black men
i think women black white asian or indian should date who makes them happy and loves them
end of discussion no further explanation


it would be ignorant to not acknowledge the history of the county but everyone does not continue to share those feelings and sentiments

to call someone a SELLOUT as if they are having an identity crisis is beyond offensive and deplorable

as a black woman who has dated and married both in my race and out

let me be the first to say i am just as much me whether married to someone in my race or out

my marrying outside of my race was not linked to lacking pride in who i am or some attempt to live out some crazy white man/slave master fantasy (YES i actually read that on the article to)

i wont sit here and say the line i dont see color
because everyone sees color
but its how you react and respond to it that makes the difference

i recognize there are some differences amongst gender, amongst color, amongst age, and definitely socioeconomic levels

so you have to be honest and acknowledge you see MANY factors

im not a woman who is not in touch with her culture or feels she identifies better with a different race and so in the ultimate culminating act i married outside my race
NO way

i date and marry who i feel a connection with
who makes me fundamentally happy and i want to spend my life with


i dont like blanket statements that a black husband will always be better or hey if you want to be treated and respected you need to marry a white man

NO dont feed me that bullshit because we will have words
if you want to be happy be happy and be happy on your terms

dont let society and its ignorances dictate who you should marry
marrying within your race is not a guarantee of happiness
the key to a successful marriage is in the communication and the commitment to the commitment
not in the physical attributes


it makes me sad to read the ignorance that was so readily spewed by individuals
and for a family to actually cancel their show because of the HATE and to protect their family
its a wake up call

interracial relationships and marriages have been around for a long time and its my gut that they are not going away
so we can continue to embrace and support or we can keep our narrow minded views on the table

I don't believe in luck...I believe in HIS plan

I dont ever write from a religious aspect

i prefer my posts to be fun, funny, or maybe thought provoking

im not the person who tells you i am a Christian before you know my name

i think its best to show you what i believe through the way i treat you and the way i make you feel

quoting scripture and parts of the Bible can come across a bit show boaty and obnoxious

but treat someone with kindness and love and loyalty and humility is what I think the Bible is all about

Faith, Hope, and LOVE...Love being the most important GIFT

let me sidebar and emphasize that LOVE is a GIFT 
its not small 
its not a given
its not to be taken lightly
a GIFT
think about every other gift you have given or received and how you treat it
how do YOU treat love
do you take it for granted
do you put it on a shelf for later
for the RIGHT time
are you saving your love for the right person


everything else, all the other man made and man controlled parts of religion are secondary and mean nothing without LOVE

a few thoughts are running through my head when I think about the paths we take and the roads we walk in life

a story was shared with me recently and i know its cliche to say it gave me goosebumps but it did

this person was young and at a party and was leaving with two friends, actually in the car and a third friend  came out and said stay a little longer so they did and shortly after those two individuals in that car were in a tragic accident that took the life of one and left another marred for ever

that is not luck that is an angel looking over you that is someone higher protecting you
but when you stop and pause to know that moments prior you were in that car or what would have happened if....thats a long road of contemplation

there are moments in life where our mortality is so clear and evident and invincible we are no more

my other thought that renders me speechless is the way our lives are all connected

the way some people stay in our lives and others dont
some people you think will always be around and i dont mean them passing away i mean you cant conceive how the relationship will change and yet somehow sometimes some of them do

and then there are other people who remain in your life despite circumstance well maybe not DESPITE
but there are people who season after season remain present
relationship dynamics may change and may grow but its amazing and intriguing WHAT makes a relationship weather the storm

what makes you stay in contact with someone year after year
how is it that you can have LIFE happen but then you pick back up like nothing ever changed

is it because people are in your life to teach you or maybe for you to teach them
are people in your life to give you something (and i dont mean something tangible) but are they there to give a part of themselves that only they can give you and that you need , whether you know it or not

or do people come into your life to receive someone only you can give
or is it a mutually giving relationship
sometimes in the middle of crisis and chaos two people find each other and they bond through the weathering of a storm

and once that storm subsides they come through with a new forged bond
i look at the people in my life and i think about outside of my family who have been my constants
less than two hands

i think about people who are around for a season
it can be a good season it can be a trying season and somehow they work themselves out your life

but i think its amazing to have a long term season after season presence
where someone knows stuff about you

anyhow i jumped around on my topics a bit
but i think we are given who we need and what we need
i think we as humans want to question or fit things into OUR ideals and our plan
but its funny because life works itself out the way it should
so you can try to author your perfect life but its unrealistic and
you will wind up with a lot of scratch outs and eraser marks

i think if you with eyes wide open welcome and embrace the joys mysteries surprises and lessons of life you will find a more peaceful existence
one where you question less
and sometimes accept because it is

ok no big conclusion
good night

it's gonna be a LOVELY day!!!!!!

well today is everyone's FAVORITE day

a day of relax and easing into the weekend

i was up last night at 130 and wide awake until around 4ish for the second time this week

that's so unlike me

of course my mind tends to be super active during those hours

#1-i looked over at my sweet child who lay besides VERY deep in slumber and i thought how even though prior to bed she was testing every boundary, when she was sleep, there was an innocence, my amazing child

and the thought that ensued from watching her was just how precious life is
before i was a mother my point of view
my grasp of the world was so limited
i was self centered and even in my thought to think i was worldly i was SELF CENTERED

until you are a parent you will lack that element
but the moment you have created that life or have that charge and responsibility
it is monumental
to know i grew a child
that thought never fails to wow me and render me speechless
so while she is crossing over into the TRYING THREES
i LOVE her and i am SO blessed to have her to hold her to love her

which leads me to thought #2 i saw a quote on Pinterest and it said if you are going to complain about those who have more than you don't forget to acknowledge those who have less than you

Some days I want to complain about not being able to have all the things I might want
and one of the funny ways to humble yourself is to think of those memes that say FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

and that is a good way to think about it
yes i want to complain sometimes about living on the 4th floor with a toddler and lugging stuff up and down and yes somedays its okay to vent but keeping it in perspective that just a few zip codes over there are folks who would PRAY to have an apt such as mine

It puts things back in perspective VERY quick
I have food, my needs are met, I have a new car, I have super AC, and I have an AMAZING support system so in many ways I am rich beyond compare

do i have days when the weight of the world seems to be on my shoulders YES but I am able to have a glass of adult beverage and get a nights sleep and then you know what
the next day because there is a next day i can try again
i can shoot for another day

life is meant  to be lived
life is meant to be enjoyed
everything in life cannot be calculated and put on a timeline
life cannot be spent questioning everything that happens
everyone that enters your life or everyone that leaves it

sometimes we need a reminder of the beauty of things but when you see the beauty ..really stop and see it
see the beauty
smell the roses
embrace it
its a gift