tis the season..................

well spring is upon us and you know what that means

nope not Easter
not almost summer and beautiful weather

BUT the season of WEDDINGS 

sabrina this rant is for you

little girls grow up dreaming of their fairytale day

society capitalizes on the vision that they have had since the time they get their first boyfriend

the sparkly ring, the white dress, the reception that rivals every other

little girls are pre-wired for HAPPILY EVER AFTER 
or at least everything that leads up to the alter and that day....probably not the day after BUT the day 
oh yes every girl (and let me caveat and say there are probably a small 1% that do not for some reason but the majority DO)

in 2014 I believe my theory is still correct..spend 2 minutes on Pinterest and the site is littered with wedding rings and dresses and shoes and decorations and bridesmaids stuff and stuff and stuff

I am starting to wonder and not because i am a cynic or jaded person who is wife 2.0
and maybe because i am not 22 and starry eyed but 32 with a child and who therefore would not be rocking a white dress

BUT i wonder if weddings NOT MARRIAGE but weddings have become another overly commercialized part of society just like Valentine's Day and Christmas

There used to be and there still is to an extent MEANING behind marriage
it used to be focused on the joining of two lives the cleaving of two families 

it was a celebration 
it was the beginning of a BEAUTIFUL journey

many many many moons ago-weddings were simple-it was just the exchange of two simple bands
now it has morphed into how many CARATS are on your finger

the dresses that were once simple and sometimes even the passing on of a dress from mother to daughter-those days are ancient

With shows such as SAY YES TO THE DRESS the industry has morphed into extravagance versus tasteful and modest

Women will pour thousands and thousands of dollars into a dress and by all means if that is your lifestyle so be it
admittedly my first wedding I went big
most people have the sentiment I am only doing it once
and that is great but sometimes it doesn't pan out that way

there is a designer who's dressed start generally around 25k...wow what message does that send 
if you have the money like that...i mean actually have the money not a mountain of debt then im sure you can justify that but if you are planning some event just to KEEP UP WITH WHOMEVER

why do you feel the need?
is it society?

does anyone have a modest wedding anymore
a wedding is $$$ costly and i understand its a CELEBRATION but my gosh 

i realize its a matter of personal opinion and so many other variables BUT as I watch my other half prepare for her wedding and I said wedding not nuptials i can see from Virginia the mini calculator in her head keeping a tally of what this is really costing

does a expensive wedding equal a better marriage NO
do the guests have a good time..... PROBABLY but not guaranteed
do they sit and wonder how much you spent...usually

at the end of the day are the guests in your marriage NOPE
they may be in the far extended sense of family
but the marriage is between two 
so what are the priorities

is it love and modesty or is it throwing a party no one will ever forget
if you want a party have a party if its about the love and the marriage..small intimate affairs often provide the lasting memories

just my two cents...what do i know anywayz :)



 

Honesty..criticism.. what is our REAL motive!

 

"Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man's growth without destroying his roots." 

 

– Frank A. Clark  

 

 

I saw this quote in my email today and it got me to thinkin'...............

 

 

When we critic someone what is our motivation....are we giving critic because it was solicited? i think feedback is often received VERY differently when it was requested versus forced upon us

 

everyone would like to think they are honest and that they give others feedback simply to help but if that is really true then why are we offended when sometimes feedback is not well received or maybe not followed to the letter

 

does it play into our own personal selfish belief that WE are better planners and executors of someone else's life

do we feel that from our bird's eye view we can see more clearly and therefore are better able to offer advice

 

do we feel that because we have had a similar experience that somehow that qualifies us to say HEY I see what you are doing and I think should refrain or I don't think it's a good idea

 

often times i seek feedback and opinions of others and i was asked recently why i do so and how much weight do i give to these other opinions

 

i have been reminded lately that it is my face i have to look and love in the mirror and i need to act accordingly

 

as one of my closest of close people has said and that is clearly the mantra of 2014.."It's not about YOU"

 

I think people need to think about that when giving advice and even when receiving it

 

when giving it-you give your advice and let it go- ask yourself WHY are you telling this person said advice

 

and on the other end when someone gives you advice do not always take it personal or as a personal attack

people share and do things based on their own personal filters and it may have nothing to do with YOU at all but just how they perceive something

 

i am AMAZED at how often and how many people internalize someone's life and life issues and make them their own

 

it's nice to care-it's nice to be there to offer support but if it's not YOUR life-YOUR life the reflection you see in the mirror it's not about you

 

i see countless facebook rants where people put on the coat of anger for someone and don't get me wrong empathy is not a lost emotion BUT keep it in perspective

 

i see numerous girls who notice that their girl is mad and they absorb that emotion and then too are mad about something that has NOTHING to do with them

yes it is not fun to see a friend hurting BUT sometimes just lend your support

unbiased quiet support let your friend steer the ship 

 

are we honest with our friend about their bf/gf because we are jealous because we are single

are we honest because we dont REALLY want to see them happy

are we unsupportive of people because we want their happiness to LOOK a certain way

Do we want someone else's happiness to look like OURS

 

do we feel OURS is better or the best way

 

what works for YOU works for YOU

what will work for me will work for me

 

if we were all the same if we all had the same needs wants and desires oh what a cookie cutter world that would be...mmmm speaking of cookies ....

 

But back to my point-that quote that I read made me think and going forth when I give someone feedback I want to ensure it's something positive something that empowers someone and gives them food for thought not leaves them feeling dejected or less than 

 

i prefer to help not hurt

i am a lover

i would like to put a smile on a face 

not a tear on a cheek

i want someone to come back to me for more advice not shun and shy away from ever talking to me

 

words are one of the most powerful tools we have as people

we can use them to build or we can use them to DESTROY

 

how will you use your words

do people think of you as someone who is honest and fair or someone who makes you winch because of the magnitude and sharpness of your words??

 

just think about that today

use your words wisely

you never know what someone is going through and 

do you really want to be the straw that breaks the camels back?????????????????

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

An ode to Josh

Today's blog is dedicated to my evil other half
to the one who always challenges me and accepts nothing less than my best

this blog goes out to the biggest rock star bar crawling man i know...Uncle Josh!!!

i have a snow day today so me and my mini me are in and of course when given the option of what do you want to watch she picked her Uncle Josh's FAVORITE movie and i say that with EXTREME sarcasm dipped in a lot of YEA RIGHT and that would be Curious George-Christmas Monkey

for anyone who has not seen this...the movie is cute and if you see it once you are probably happy BUT I think Christmas 2013 Jordan may have charmed her way into watching it with uncle j about 20 times too many

what i love about my brother most is seeing him with my child
he's not a parent but to see his excitement and love for my little one is priceless

the best part about josh and jordan is that she is SO much like HIM
i dont know if that scares him further into bachelorhood  BUT either way he can't deny when he does have a kid he could potentially be seeing a preview right now

she makes the face of uncle josh
the very serious i dont believe you or the use that line on someone else

she is STUBBORN as only i have seen in josh
my child is very smart and witty and these traits while sure found in me are VERY dominant in my brother

i love being in public with the two of them and people assume thats his daughter
the resemblance is STRONG

so while jordan and her strong will are from Josh she is all mommy when it comes to her loving personality and her love to cuddle and be cuddled

one of my happiest mommy moments was a few weeks ago and uncle josh jordan and i were at chik fil a and of course she wanted to go in the play area and my dear brother was such a sport-he pulled his shoes off and climbed all throughout the tunnels with his niece
to say it was a sweet moment is not doing it justice

i love my brother we often refer to each other as twins but to see him with my child who is like the 3rd amigo in our gang of 2
I LOVE it
from him teaching her to say Salud to tirelessly running back and forth at his place until they were both out of breath
sooo to uncle josh we LOVE you and thank you for being an exceptional uncle

Seeing the GRACE that exists in chaos

It's been awhile ...you know life etc
However I was struck today by the topic that was in my Daily Love Blog...and the idea was seeing the grace that exists in chaos and seeing the lesson that exists in the crisis

So often in life we become so focused on all the things that are NOT going right or the obstacles we face and trust me I am right there with you

sometimes i feel like i am so easily overwhelmed and focused on trying to "figure it out" and get myself OUT of the situation that I am in that maybe I am missing THE LESSON

I think it also depends on how you look at life

As someone who believes in God, I know things happen for a reason, and I think out of every experience GOOD or BAD we are meant to learn something we are meant to grow and change

I feel that when life is overwhelming and it seems like we can't catch a break maybe one lesson is to slow down , take a minute to breathe, and maybe it's time to reevaluate or maybe its time to re-prioritize and ask yourself
what can i change
what can't i change
out of this situation

i think when life throws us curves and trust me i am not sitting from a rosy perfect seat as i say this
but when i look back at very bad experience every HARD life lesson or time when i thought WHY ME
the after the light at the end of the tunnel..the end result is always a beautiful surpise
there have been people who have come into my life who i just KNEW were destined to say forever and then for whatever reason they left and sometimes i have to stop and not focus on them leaving or closing that chapter but think was that person only there for a season to teach me something or because that is what i needed at that time and where am i now

i think that's the best way to look at it..via relationships
sometimes when a relationship is ended we feel many emotions
turmoil, chaos, anger, hurt, resentment but in order for a new door to open and a new chapter to be written you have to close the old door and turn the page

easier said then done but think about it...chapter 2 is always better than chapter 1 and if not chapter 2 then chapter 3 is AMAZING

i can look at some of my recent experiences and say woo is me and question why but i look at the beauty of who is in my life i look at the beauty of relationships i have and i think
things aren't so bad
perfection never exists and never WILL exist
but getting to that sweet spot where you stop focusing on what's not going right and focus on what IS and what is GOOD in your life and it puts it in perspective

so maybe the lesson is that when you are in crisis or chaos to stop and see the grace ...stop and think about what IS good in your life and allow that to be your compass in getting through the rocky waters until things are smooth
and look back on trials as something that makes you stronger
something that makes you a better person
a better human
a kinder human
a more compassionate human
a better lover
a better friend
a better listener
maybe you learned more patience more understanding

whatever it is you learn
whatever it is that changes you
chaos and troubles and obstacles are inevitable but how we handle it
how we find our peace
how we rediscover our calm

that's the point of it all

defining relationships...is marriage the icing or.....

soooooo.....as seemingly someone who has experienced a variety of relationships and relationships status, i thought today why do someone people avoid marriage and yet sustain amazing and happy relationships in a time when the divorce rate is astronomical...why is it that some same sex partners are able to maintain lifetime partners and yet so many marriages cannot withstand the same

im sure this will generate a lot of feedback and i will say upfront i realize there are many variables that affect this BUT it was just an idea or thought that entered my mind

right off the top of my head i can think of some long term couples unmarried who have been together FOREVER
Goldie Hawn & Kurt Russell
Oprah and Stedman
Tina Turner & her Italian guy

what is it about the institution of marriage or what is it that has caused these couples to not become one in the eyes of God
is there commitment any less strong

how are some of them able to have decades and decades under the belt and yet have not taken those steps

do they feel saying I DO will change something
will I DO make things more "real"

Is it a financial thing?
Is it a legal issue?

What makes a couple want to get married versus just a long term relationship?

Happiness is not a guarantee because you are married

someone once told me they thought unmarried couples were happier because they are always working harder to maintain the relationship and reinvent it because there was no legally binding contract that could infer you HAD to do something

is that true
do you work harder when you are trying to win someone or when the thought of losing them is in the back of your head

food for thought
when you are dating we tend to go ALL out for someone....always dressed nice, makeup, patient, lots of phone calls, emails, back massages, etc and yet once you past the honeymoon phase how many people maintain this lifestyle

and not to say a relationship is all romance and flowers because NO its not but there are some things that CAN and SHOULD be maintained whether after 1 yr or 10 years
the compliments the looks the touches the little attention to detail

i read a quote once that said when you stop kissing the relationship is over

i always thought kisses were the little foundation fillers of a relationship
kisses are so intimate and can convey so many different messages
if you aren't kissing and you arent making time for the smallest building block in a relationship have you stopped everything else

why do we date and put our best foot forward if we have no intention of maintaining or if that "dating facade" is soo far off from our genuine and authentic person?
I have heard you should date someone for at least 6 seasons to really know them

i think through my trial and error i am going to cry falsity on that
you can date someone for 18 months, 3 years, or 6 months, if someone is in the business of masquerading as a good person then time will not be a factor in how long they keep the show going

which leads me to the next question people generally ask..do you ever really know someone
i think time is not always the only indicator of how well you know someone, i think what weighs more heavily in knowing someone and their character is experiences..

experiences and life are the best windows into someone
how do they handle good news, bad news
how do they handle stress
how do they get mad? how do they cope
how are they when they are stressed
how do they treat others
do they have friends? what do their friends think of them?

but back to my original thought of why some people choose to marry versus others
i would initially want to say people marry for religious reasons but most people who get married aren't even religious
so what is it
is it societal driven
is it the influence of our peers and family

what makes someone choose to get married over maintaining a healthy happy adult relationship

Compassion Extended

There is always a lesson to be learned in life

some action or experience that we are able to learn from

i watched a TLC special yesterday called my life as a 600 pound woman

most people's initial response is disgust or a gawking OMG

but after watching that i really stopped and paused and thought about COMPASSION

i watched how this woman was viewed and ostracized by society

and instead of caving in to my own initial thoughts and questions i stepped outside and thought how she must feel and not how she feels just in public one day but every day of her life

to say this woman was morbidly obese was just an understatement

there is a very interesting phenomenon in society where the concept of freedom of speech has far blurred the line of being rude and crosses very quickly and easily into being a JACKASS 

everyone feels that their opinion and thoughts count for something and that they should be able to exert it and share it with you

i watched in this documentary as people slung such hateful things like well she shouldnt have eaten so much or if you get any bigger you will need a bigger cart (she was unable to walk)

im curious at what point did these people check into the land of perfection and then felt enabled and empowered to spout such hate and negativity

i think some where deep inside of us we feel that if we point out someone else's issues or remind them of their flaws we are either 1) helping them OR 2) we somehow make our flaws seem less visible

so many things get lost the moment we take on the role of judge and jury

we become no better than the worst of society

and we inflict a certain cruelty and pain on someone so very underserving 

we view the world through our own lenses based on our life experiences 

we think we can change people we someone think what we think should be shared with someone else and that we should help govern their lives and households...well WRONG

im not saying you just disconnect and keep blinders on because thats not the essence of community 

BUT the next time you see someone who is different from you whether they are dressed a certain way or behaving in a way that YOU find unacceptable...you need to STOP and ask yourself do i know this person..do i know their back story? am i being a better person by saying my snarky comment either aloud or under my breath? what type of person does my comment make me? am i being an asshole or someone with compassion

if its the first choice instead of worrying about that person why dont you check yourself and figure out why you feel the need to judge..and work on yourself

why dont you put some negative into a positive..help someone instead of hurting...

i always say try to make the world better than you found it

do you want to reinforce the hate and negativity for the next generation or do you want to attempt to make things a bit better

 

The HOLIDAY of LOVE.......or is it

This post is dedicated to my favorite girl, well my favorite little sister, who really isn't so little anymore

Tomorrow is the day when Hallmark and Victoria's Secret and all the florist make a killing!

It's the day when men stress out over what to buy her, what to do for her, and making sure she knows how special she is.

it's the day when women make sure they shave their legs, get a new outfit, and expect miracles or at least some type of gift

for the singles its a day of bitterness and  proclamations about how trite the holiday is and how you dont need society to tell you when you should tell someone you like or love them
the singles flock to bars and other watering holes and watch Waiting to Exhale or other I don't need anyone type movies and sit around and wax poetically about loves they've lost or that they kicked to the curb

*okay so maybe that was kinda stereotypical of me but it made me chuckle

Valentine's day-whether i'm single or not single on that day inevitably the day will come and go and each year and each time it means something different to me

i think it was cuter when you were in high school or college-it seemed like the trendy thing to do

i have had plenty of February 14ths where i was alone and enough where i wasn't

sometimes i feel compelled to wear red others i will gladly don something black and chic

hmmmm who do i love.....

i like to make any and every day special

i consider myself to be pretty romantic and i dont allow myself to be limited by one calendar day

Christmas to me and the month of December is by FAR more romantic more magical and whimsical than Feb 14th

Christmas has the lights, the smells, the spirit, that to me is romance it is love

Valentine's Day feels a little FORCED

Love is more than some lacy outfit or the "he went to Jared's commercial" 

I think society sets this holiday up to make you feel like a leper if you are single and not getting a DIAMOND pendent from the new HEARTS collection or whatever the jewelry ad de jour is....

Love is putting in the time
love is the non glamorous things
love is consistency
love is showing up and continuing to show up

LOVE is not quitting
LOVE is seeing the ugly and saying GIVE IT ALL TO ME anyway

LOVE is knowing when to just BE and not push

LOVE is not always saying the right words or picking the right card (by Hallmark)
Love IS sitting quietly with a face of understanding and empathy

Love IS being that voice of reason and answering your  best friend's emails all day because you know right now she's just trying to get through the current season

LOVE is visiting your twin and making sure she's okay
LOVE is sleeping so soundly besides someone and just not having a care in the world
Love is protecting someone and feeling such an unchanging and unwavering indescribable emotion for them that HALLMARK will never be able to coin 

Sooooo
while yes Valentine's day is about the butterflies in your stomach 
and that giddy feeling when you first meet someone
and valentine's day can be about having a date and a happy ending (hahahah)
and that's great but what happens when you wake up on February 15th ....will it be Groundhog day and Valentine's day all over again or will it be just another day ................