Getting NAKED

catchy title but this is  NOT a nod and wink type situation
Nakedness for the purpose of this post is more in the sense of vulnerabilities
I'm talking past the no makeup
Beyond the in the morning purity and naturalness
Nakedness that extends beyond the false bravado and male ego
When I say naked I mean the most basic the most untouched inner soul of your person
That deep inside part of you that you keep tucked away
Nakedness that when someone asks how you are doing you don't lie and say you are okay when you are suffering inside
Naked to me is that side that makes you feel less than perfect
Naked is your kryptonite
Naked is admitting you don't know it all and can't do it all
Naked means sometimes sitting and crying because at that moment that's all that you have left in you to do
Naked is exposing a part of you that in the wrong hands could be exploited and abused
Naked is that emotion behind the forced and pained smile
Naked is the sigh even if for a moment when you forget about your reality and just relax
Naked is not being strong....its being raw and exposed and vulnerable in the worst way
While NAKED is so many things and more ...it also is a critical point that allows for a few things to happen
How many people have you gotten naked with
Who are you getting NAKED with now
It's hard to get naked..its hard to lay it all out and expose flaws under the lights and sparkle
But you need at least one person you can get naked with...really and truly naked

Just a thought....

Requirements for the BEST FATHER EVER!!!!

this topic was a triple request...so to Mr. S, my other half, and the original Jojo....here is my take on the concept of "father of the year/parent child relationships"


when I think Best Father I must say I am biased and I automatically think to my Daddy-most people think they have the best parents but I genuinely might

i am not going to short my Mom but this blog is about the daddy figure so I will come back to my Mom another day

*pardon the interruption-my Mom just emailed me to say my Dad is getting yet another award at Church...He's been Father of the Year, Man of the Year, he was recently the recipient of another award and now he's the February member awardee 

So let me talk about my Dad for a moment

I am the poster child of Daddy's GIRLS!! although recently I was replaced by a smaller version of myself...but sigh

What makes a Dad amazing

first thought a dad who spends time
the dad who spends time with you, the dad who talks to you, the dad who is present

now i want to take a detour real quick because earlier when I was thinking about this i wondered about the difference between generations of present versus past

i look at my grandfather for example....an amazing father by any standard but his fathering style was very different
my grandfather was that STRONG type-he was the provider..he got up EVERY morning and went to work
he taught  lessons and his lessons are what we ALL hold with us today
my grandad instilled the lessons in life you need to survive and that you will use when life kicks you down and you feel like you can't get up...that's when you think of his words....my grandad was a Marine...and let me tell you he was the DEFINITION of a Marine and that's how he raised my Dad-
work hard..work harder dont rest and float through life

and yet at the same time he was very traditional..he was the provider my grandmother was the nurturer ..grandad didn't cook or do the "household" duties that were typically relegated to a woman..ie laundry and cleaning but his pride was his yard...sigh

so that's the man that raised my Dad

my Dad is firm and yet fair...
you don't want to see my dad's ugly side BUT usually if you have to meet that side you had it coming
my dad is loving...he adores me..i was the princess..
the relationship i have with my dad has shaped the relationship i have with the opposite gender and that is SO critical..and now that I have a daughter I realize that influence is vital

my dad is very hands on....he taught me to cook as well as being independent... i can change a flat, i can refill my liquids as well as shut off water in the house just in case Mom and I are for the 3rd time home when there is a leak of broken pipe :)

i talk to my dad everyday..whenever i have a hard problem or even not my dad is my first call

i can talk about anything with him and my amazing driving skills are from many miles logged up and down the US with my Dad...we make a pretty great dynamic duo!!!

so what is it about a great father...it's the little things..it's not always about the trips to Children's Palace as a kid or the sneak trips to McDonalds
it's the consistency 
its knowing the sacrifices he made for my education and for me in general
its the selfless that as an adult i can see and understand
its that by him being around and in my life ...my dad has made me WHO I am

don't get me wrong my Mom can't be discounted but it can't be denied that a woman turns out very different with and without her dad

so the best answer i can give is time which is always the greatest gift you can give

give of your time
spend time
make time
time
 

 

Fits like a glove

In my constant quest to understand relationships and the mechanics behind the dynamics of males and females
my thoughts today led me to wonder about the cliche phrase "fits like a glove"

do we find that our relationships that "fit like a glove" are easier and most fulfilling

i instantly think of my other half ...32 years and we have had a seamless easy free flowing relationship...

unlike many other females we have not encountered the hiccups and friction so often associated with the estrogen intense sex

but then as i reflect further i remember some of my most memorable relationships with the opposite sex and i think about the relationships that were just "easy"

i like to think that i am a low drama..drama free woman and i dont feel a relationship needs drama in order to validate it

maybe it sounds very unicorn and rainbows to expect that in an adult relationship people will have respect, talk to you with a certain amount of kindness and gentleness, and use basic courtesies

i dont think you need to argue constantly and i dont think arguments have to be ugly

i believe that if i love you even if you make me mad i will still use kind words
i wont go for the jugular

i believe in saying im sorry even if its not my fault
i think keeping the peace is far more important than my pride/ego

relationships no doubt are work...but when it is an uphill battle do you question more WHY

Is there such a thing as a "PERFECT RELATIONSHIP"
not perfect people but two flawed people who mesh together to create the PERFECT relationship

not one with no problems but one where problems are tackled head on with love and respect...love first so that the aftermath is never
a relationship where even when you dont see eye to eye the love is never in question the affection is never withheld

I think the perfect relationship is the couple that is dedicated to the relationship at all cost

the couple that remains open minded
the couple that is committed to continued growth and realizes that relationships grow and change are ready and willing to hang on for the ride and go with the ebbs and flows


to be selfless in a relationship to GENUINELY put the needs and emotions and feelings of another ahead of your own....

so back to idea of fitting like a glove....i think every relationship ..every couple are different but from  a outsiders view the couples that you look up to and emulate are the ones that are in sync...the ones that seem to just flow together....they almost have become one....they operate together like a well oiled machine .....
it seems effortless even if its not

i wonder if those are the long lasting epic relationships
i wonder if "fitting like a glove" is a element or recipe for success or is it just more rainbows and unicorns idealistic thoughts and ideals.........

Been SO long.......

I don't even know where to begin with my return blog

it's been awhile
it's been a long long while

sometimes i feel like my life is a soap opera
i wonder sometimes how can someone who feels they are so DRAMA free have so much drama

is it really me?
do I need to take a look at ME and have some self reflection!
well believe it or not i have

i have been doing a lot of self-analysis, a lot of self reflecting and talking to others and seeking input and feedback 

its 2014-a new year-working on a new me

who am i
april janelle, mother of the every loquacious and witty 2.5 year old Jordan, most days Jojo Crump

i've have some shifts in my life, not really ready to discuss them yet but one day
i do feel my blog is my online diary
its my place to be vulnerable 
its a window into who i am and my thoughts and feelings

here i am 32 years old and once again everything i thought i knew about love and life is being challenged and its a very sobering thing

ive learned a lot about myself and still continue to do so

i have a problem with control...i might be a slight control freak..reason being..i moved out here to VA around 8 years ago-I had no family and the support system that i KNOW i could depend on was 400+ miles away so I quickly adapted to depending on ME...
it's nice when someone helps and cuts you some slack but I think to a fault I now have an inability to relinquish control and really TRUST someone..

ive been burned like everyone else and so for me at times its just easier and best to depend on me
that sounds bad and its something i will work on but for now i depend on me

i am a person who CAN be alone and im sure my brother would roll his eyes at this and disagree BUT while I CAN its not my nature..
im a lover, im a affectionate person...i like companionship...i like hand holding and a certain level of intimacy (please dont automatically translate that to sex) because that's not the root of it

i am independent but i like being a part of a TEAM

I like doing things with my girls or myself or my daughter but also with someone

people can judge
people can make their own assessments but at 32 I feel like this
govern and regulate your own house and life and i will do the same for mine

its great when people give advice and opinions but i lay my head down on my pillow in my house each night not you
i often seek guidance from my parents and my other half (hey Sabrina) but at 32 I dont need nor want someone to say well i dont think you should do a or b
i always want whats best for me just like anyone wants whats best for them

so while 5-10 years ago I wanted to make decisions that I thought would make people respect me or proud of me
I realized they didn't always at the end of the day make me happy

i've always been pretty open about parts of my life and sharing and maybe i reign that in...maybe..who knows
my parents and my inner circle will always be kept in the loop but extending it further...im going to lay low on that...
there are people who i will never mind talking to or explaining my actions to because as i explain i am talking through it..others....not so much

i'm an adult i know right from wrong..i think i have pretty good judgment
i am a stable person
who makes good decisions
i think and think before i act
i slept on ideas
despite the myth that i am impulsive (joshua) 
im not
i always have a plan b, and c, and probably d
i leave little to chance

that's the control part...you can't be away from your support system and fly by the seat of your pants
so while i may not be fun in some people's eyes (josh)
im calculated and a thinker

sooo i know this first blog was all over the place...but im back so hang on and see what i have to offer this year :)


xoxoox
me
 

Important FlipShare Service Update

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Thursday- A LITTLE CARE REPAIR

Today's blog is stolen from my daily devotion and I think it will hit home for so many

Relationships are the very foundation of who we are and our lives

They require constant tuning and attention..much like an expensive sports car.. You do not save up for a Porsche or Ashton Martin and then put regular unleaded fuel in it and expect it to run like its meant.

Another way to think about our relationships is in the analogy of sports...atheletes do not just show up on game day and expect to play their best. NO they practice and constantly tweak their approaches and hone their skills
why would you think a relationship or a marriage would be any different

its not good enough to just get on the team

you have to show up and be in it to win it EVERYDAY

what you did to get the person-keep doing that but continue to add more to your rapport

The Lions don't use the same formations and techniques year after year...they review tape and they look for ways to get better and to strengthen their defense and offense and a marriage is much the same

you need to always work on your defense..which is ensuring you are doing what you have to do to keep away temptation and other negatives that want to destroy your marriage as well as working on the offense which is listening to and learning your spouse
it is not listening to them once and thinking you got them
its always listening and always learning

communication is an evolving and constant thing
its not a one time effort
you can always spot the couples with poor communication skills

I read an article last night and Will Smith was giving marital advice at a wedding and he said remember to L-U-V

Listen to your wife

Understand your wife
and Validate what your wife is saying

I thought-what a great concept

it's the easiest things that present the biggest challenges

but knowing complacency is the biggest relationship efforts don't you want to work harder..don't you want your marriage to be at the superbowl level
dont you want that level of greatness or are you ok with just being a team

So since I digressed here is the blog...entitled A LITTLE CARE REPAIR


A Little Care Repair

Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. (Proverbs 16:24, NLT)

Every couple faces communication challenges in their marriage. I’ve  learned there is one element necessary for success—caring.

That’s right. It doesn’t matter what communication techniques you may know and understand—if you don’t care, it won’t make a difference.

The actual breakdown of communication in marriage typically begins when attitudes begin to change. For instance, when you first began dating, you had long conversations about your
lives, future, expectations, etc. And things were great! Why? Because you cared! You worked to understand each other and affirm the importance of what the other person had to say. This is one reason you fell in love and became willing to commit in a deeper way to the relationship.

Fast forward into the marriage when communication begins to break down and you’ll find a different story. The lack of faceto-face, meaningful time together combined with sarcastic retorts, eye rolling, negative facial gestures and just a basic lack of caring about what your spouse is feeling or saying will devastate the atmosphere of positive communication.

For your marriage to be successful, you’re going to have to have an open line of communication. For that to happen, you need to feel safe enough to share your thoughts and feelings with each other. That will only take place if you feel as though the other person really cares.

Caring is communicated by eye contact, a positive countenance, providing positive feedback as your spouse shares, valuing his or her input, and simply doing anything you can to let them know you care. Also, as you care about your partner, it will become easier to understand the opposite sex. It’s really not that hard to figure out the person you are married to if you really care about him or her. However, if you don’t have personal concern for each other, your marriage can quickly become a dark mystery with danger at every turn.

Talk It Out | Have you communicated lately how much you care about each other? Are you experiencing a breakdown in communication because of some of the negative traits listed above? If so, talk about ways to make positive changes in these areas.

Walk It Out | Show your spouse how much you care by making eye contact and giving positive feedback during your next conversation.

--

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
― Dr. Seuss

Tuesday

I was tossing around a few ideas for blogs...one was on what is love really..how do we define it...how we say it..but we say it when it is easy..we say we love someone when the times are good and its all smiles and sun shines and that is great but that is EASY LOVE and I dare not say real love...

Love to me is when things are UGLY..that is when you know LOVE is genuine

LOVE is when a situation is murky and you are given the benefit of the doubt LOVE is when a situation is mean and gritty but you remain calm and constant and understanding

That is love
LOVE is NOT February 14th-it is the other 364 days a year

That leads me to my topic of today...being the best person you can be..focusing on your blessings and not your shortcomings or areas lacking

Keeping up with yourself and not the Jones'

Being your genuine self and not someone else's definition

How can we really be the best person we can be..and who defines that

I think we have to determine what makes us happy in life..who makes us happy and then work to maintain and preserve those things

Family has always been #1 for me...being around my family my loved ones makes me happy ..thats when i feel the most like me

it's very easy to focus on life's breaks or failures but i think by doing so it diminishes all the good things that happen

as humans we want to be planners we want a "plan" we want a blue print
life doesnt work that way

life is not perfect

but life is about living

life is not about how many items you can check off on your list

life to me is about the moments and the memories

at the end of my day before i drift off to sleep i think about the smiles
i think about the hugs i think about those i love

i am not thinking about what i did not do or what i messed up

i hear often in the yogis circle about being your "authentic self"

i always wondered what it meant

i think it means....giving more than you take

doing more good than harm

i think it means being a smiling face instead of the frown

i think it means making decisions that you are proud of and would tell anyone about

being authentic...whether you believe in who and what...being true to yourself means standing behind your words

what do others think of you..what do you want them to think of you

are you the same person when you are alone
are you the same person when faced with a tough situation

all of us have shortcomings but i dont think that is what defines us

we can take criticism and fix the problems
we can make ourselves stronger

we should always be working on ourselves..no one is perfect...
today maybe ask yourself

did you make the world a better place today

did you help or did you hurt

if today was your last what was your legacy

did you leave any unsettled situations

were you waiting until later or tomorrow to apologize

life and love are precious and i try hard to cultivate those relationships because they are me and they mean the world to me

love has been redefined with my child and i cannot love her enough
i cannot hug her enough kiss her enough

she makes me a better person because my capacity to love has just grown and grown

all of the mistakes i made and make in my life...they all were a part of who i am and what lead me to this point

they all were in the design and essential stops on the road of my life...............

--

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
― Dr. Seuss