New city-new adventures-new beginnings -PA -AZ oh my

initially i was going to write about how my bestie is moving to PA and how it is going to be a change a new environment and a new start BUT then i thought man this is going to be GREAT

#1-she will be so close to me so that for the next 2 years I will have my partner in crime a mere hours away-i'm talking weekend trips here i come
i realize her family is sad but the reality is it is definitely a treat and a rarity to have family all live within close confines of the city
I am SUPER close with my family but my parents live in Michigan and my siblings in NYC

BUT that does not make us any less close..its not always super convenient but space is not always a bad thing

your love and relationship is not always strained or lessened by extra miles

long distance whether with family or a significant other may not always be simple but who wants simple

it makes you appreciate the time you spend together
distance makes you find creative ways to keep in touch and creative ways to let the person know they are on your mind and you love them

josh for example lives about 4/5 hours away and in all fairness and in a world of highly motivated people i could easily see him every other weekend if needed

its not like he is on an island or 10 hours away
would i love to see my brother everyday MAYBE and who knows what future seasons will hold

but to my bestie who i know this stresses out ..its not so bad...it makes you stronger you become more self reliant and more defined by who you are

sometimes i would love to be closer to home so i could have free babysitting and sleep over at my parents house on the weekends when i wanted
more family functions..more dinners..etc

but since im not at this moment i just am thankful for having a loving ad supportive family that utilizes technology and other ways to make me feel not so far

long distance relationships were never my thing
they were never on my list of things to partake in and areas that i am willing to try

amazing how whenever you make a bold declaration such as what you WILL NOT do
that when God challenges you and hands you a new adventure and a test

AZ is far-i wont lie and man oh man if i had my way i'd pick ten other places closer

but guess what-that's not the plan
sometimes you can rewrite the plan and other times you just have to stick to the script

hmmmm so the pros of LONG DISTANCE

-you focus on the important things and not so much the little insignificant ones
-communication becomes your strongest attribute because you dont have the luxury of day to day, night to night, morning to morning face to face conversations
you build your relationship on emails and phone calls and letters and with the aid of technology there is now facetime and dont forget your SELFIE lol

im sure there is some other stuff and i wont begin to list the cons because well hell i dont want to and i dont need to go down that path

but BOTH of these lovely folks departures are on a timeframe (THANK GOSH)
let me say this again THANK GOSH

I can whine my way through 2 years-it has an expiration date before things go back to normal

if it was indefinite the sentiment would be VERY different

now while i whine through one 2 years i am going to celebrate and drink through the 2 years of the PA adventure!!!!!!

I have missed my best friend and there is NO other like her-there just isnt
and her sisters have had her all to themselves and NOW I am about to hoard her like a TLC special
stage that intervention!!!!!

 

As the Sunday Sun sets

sitting in my apartment with the patio shades open
peacefully taking in the setting sun

jordan and i both comfortably on the couch snuggled in warm blankets fresh out the dryer

i love after a wonderful weekend just being able to sit and reflect and replay the moments
moments that made me smile
things that made me laugh
moments that will forever be in my mind and forever remind me of a happy time and what life is all about

the yummy smell of peach bellini lingers in the air
a reminder of a turning point and a new start for me

last christmas my forever bestie gifted this candle to me
and i told myself i would not light it until i moved
the new candle signified a new start for me

it signified reacquainting myself with who i am and what makes me smile
in january when i first lit the candle i cried
i cried as i looked around at my life and saw some of the changes as setbacks and failures

the candle was symbolic for me
the smell is amazing and it has a comforting affect
initially i didnt want to burn the candle because i wanted it to last i wanted to hold on to it
and as i think about that
i guess that represents life
often we dont want change we fear it we hold on to where we are because its comfortable
we resist giving our all and risking being vulnerable

but in order to smell the sweetness in life
you have to light the candle
you have to enjoy the beautiful aroma of surprises
and new beginnings and new things

as the months passed by and i continued to light the candle
so many changes happened in my life
the candle continues to burn and although im saddened that it almost gone
i look at where i am now versus january
this candle has gotten me thru the past 8 months
and the smell has gotten sweeter
my life has moved forward
i no longer cry when peach bellini fills the air
i smile
i smile at where i am now
i smile wondering what changes will happen next
i wonder when the candle burns its last time
what will be the new start
what new sweetness will fill the air

i sometimes cringe at starting over and going back to square one
but somehow for me
i continue to land in a sweet spot
my support system is always there and ready to rally behind me
and the right people come in my life and the ones that are not so right are weeded out naturally

so as this Sunday draws to a close and another weekend is behind me
i think how sweet my life is
i think about the smile on my face and the warmth in my heart
i think that right now at this moment i wouldnt change a thing
im right where i need to be

38 years and counting!!!!

so i want to dedicate today's thoughts and blog to a couple i know pretty well and today they are celebrating 38 years of marriage

38 YEARS-HOLY ISH!!!

That's a long time..its longer than i've been a live
its 3 decades almost 4

38 years is a LONG time-okay i know i already said that but as someone who seemingly hasn't even seen a 5 year let alone 10 years
38 years is FOREVER

are they cut from a different cloth

is it a generational thing

what is it that binds a couple together for 38 years

its not just love, although having some of that helps

is it commitment

is it EQUAL commitment
i think many failed marriages have the commitment but maybe its not equal or maybe its not strong so that when its tested
its crumbles

i think of how amazing it must be to have that much time in with someone

i think about how well you know someone and how im sure it genuinely gets sweeter and sweeter as the years go by

to get through the first 10 years of identifying and defining yourselves as a couple
then another 10 years to get into a groove and enjoy life and one another
then another 10 years to keep doing what you have clearly been doing and doing it well

ive read statistics that say divorce can be a generational thing
but then i look at me
my parents are celebrating 38 years and yet
where am i
not divorced just once but almost twice

why is that

i had a PERFECT example
i saw what it takes
i dont think i lack the commitment

i dont lack the desire and willingness to put in the work
i want til death do us part

i want to be confident in my relationship
i want to have that security that my partner is mine and mine alone and that no matter what obstacle comes along they will STILL be there

i want that spouse that is mindful of me and my sensitivities and fights fair
i want a spouse that disagrees but does not say things to damage or destroy me and our relationship

i want to build something and watch it grow
i have already created an alternate family model for my child
but how can i still give her what my parents gave me
i want to give her stability and positive examples

i dont want my child to replicate my mistakes and failures
i dont want her to see divorce as the norm and an easy out
i want my child to know her gigi and grampy put in decades together and that is the example
that is the model

soooo to mom and dad thank you for showing me how its done
even if i cant seem to get it right
at least i KNOW and have an excellent example of what marriage looks like and i see what the fruits of your labor produce
thank you
thank you
and Happy Anniversary 

the most perfect day

i know perfection is an illusion and that if you ask some there is NO such thing as anything perfect

but let me tell you today and this morning was PERFECT

my child and i woke up late as usual
but unlike the old me

i wasn't rushed
i moved with a purpose but there was no point in getting worked up and bringing her along on that excitement

we walked down all 4 flights this morning at the most leisurely pace
and by the time i reached the bottom i thought wow i always try to teach my child stuff but this morning the lesson was taught by her

jord taught me this morning to not get so caught up in the clock but to really stop and enjoy the moment
and today the moment was in walking down the stairs this morning with our matching shoes and on the same foot at the same time

we got to school and had a smooth drop off and then i hopped in my car
rolled my windows down
cranked my radio and drove to work

the whole ride i reflected on the perfection of the morning and how great i felt

usually mondays are a day to drag and miss the weekend
but today i felt amazing

i had a wonderful weekend
full of adventure and laughter and fun and while i can reflect back on it fondly and replay lots of the moments over and over and reproduce a smile
BUT the feeling i had this morning with the perfect 79 degrees and the sun softly kissing my skin
was just PERFECT

all is well
all is good
i have no complaints

i know every monday is not this way
but this monday was my perfect monday

we all need a perfect day where we are determined to just enjoy the moment and determined to not focus on all the crazy and "other" stuff and really just stop and think what is good and right in our life and our world and let that be our guide

let that be your smile
there will always be something that can be fixed or can be better
but there are SO many things in life that are JUST RIGHT the way they are

it's the little things

in life it is so easy to focus on the big picture and thebig things that we truly forget to sometimes appreciate the little things

today is monday and after an amazing time in michigan with my family i am back at work

i am tired and just trying to make it through the day
its not a bad day but a monday

however in the midst of my monday i got a wonderful surprise

something unexpected but completely welcome and appreciated

which brings me to my topic of the little things often holding more importance than the big things

over the past 2 days i had two acts of goodness done for me and despite being tired
i am now wearing a smile

the first one-i will just shout out my dad for yesterday

my heart was warmed and it was so thoughtful

thank you Dad , i love you

and todays act was something completely out of the blue and if i could have jumped up and down at my desk i would have

it was nice to be thought of and i think if more people did small acts for others the world would be a happier place

i had such a great time at home

had great times with my mom and we talked and bonded over a  nice bottle of prosecco

my dad was in 7th heaven with my mini me aka his favorite little person

and of course i spent some time with my other half and my adorable little niece

albeit too short i left home feeling recharged and my heart feeling love and loved

so todays thought and the thought for the week is to smile and help someone else smile

Excess

my name is april and i live in loudoun county

the richest county in VA

the land of excess and 700,000 homes

the land of the Jones'

its interesting the timing of things in life

the past few months i have been taking a hard look at my life

and my spending and how much "stuff" i have and how much "extra" i have

i have been toying around with how i can simplify my life and my environment

i am aware well more aware now having a child how much "stuff" we can acquire

i realized a long time ago I will not be the Jones' and so i checked myself out that race

i will not be the housewife of ashburn with the diamond on my finger worth more than most people's homes

that's just not going to be me

i often have the conversation with coworkers and whomever like WHAT IS IT THESE PEOPLE here all do to afford to this lifestyle

i have deducted most are mortgage poor and living beyond their means

most are probably in debt beyond their eyeballs and living check to check

and there are probably some who can legitimately afford the lifestyle

but im pretty sure that's not the majority

so i was invited to do a small group discussing and reading the book 7 an experimental mutiny against excess

i think it came right on time for me

i was at a point where i realized i sure did love my facebook but i was giving it too much time, i realized i was eating out far too much, when in reality i am actually a damn good cook, i realized that Amazon app may need to be used a little less, and maybe just maybe it was time to actually use all my lotion and body products and perfume before i buy anymore

all these thoughts were going through my head and then in comes this book and this study

the first portion of the study focuses on a food fast...
now before anyone gets all excited i am NOT about to starve myself BUT what i am doing is looking at the waste and excess food i eat use or throw away

it puts it in perspective when you think about people who would love to eat ours scraps and food we waste
or people who don't know where their next meal is coming from
and our biggest decision is beef or lobster

often as humans we look up to those who are doing better than us and use them as a barometer to judge our next move or determine where we stand
and if that is the case you also have to look at those who have LESS

those who will never experience having a full belly those who will never experience having a holiday based around food and greed and gluttony

so for me..my challenge is to not eat out and eat the food in my freezer and refrigerator and NOT buy lunch at work and bring my lunch

i am also expanding on the meatless monday plan and not eating meat during the work week and saving it for the weekends so it will be a treat

part of that was a weight management optimal health option but it fit right in with the EXCESS study

there are other weeks that will touch on social media excess, and shopping, and stress

all areas where we can always do some trimming

for me a few months back i took a Facebook hiatus
and yes it sucked and all my friends would come into work like did you see this or i put it on facebook

at first i went through withdrawal but then not having that temptation to check it at night or in the car or during every free moment  was freeing
so i still have FB but it is NOT on my cellphone which means I have to put forth effort to check it on my laptop
as a result i check it maybe once a week

so over the next 9 weeks during the study i look forward to getting rid of some of my excess and appreciating what i have and what i need and not falling to consumerism and materialism  so that my child grows up with values
and solid values vs the superficial ones that are easy to look around and develop

If I fall in love with Chewbacca and elope SO WHAT!!!

funny title however this blog is nothing but

i try not to be an angry writer but every once in awhile a topic pops up that pushes me to a point of extreme passion

today i was reading an article and it was about how Tia & Tamera cancelled their show and not because of poor reviews but because of the extreme HATE and ignorance they received regarding Tamera's interracial marriage

so here i go

there were so many UGLY terms utilized in the comment section regarding the show and the couple which of course unhinged the very gaping never healing wound of racism in America

2014 and while some generations feel it less there are others that are very aware of some of the underlying feelings that once ran rampant in our country

the term SELLOUT was one of the less ugly terms compared to "whore" and "bed wench" and some others that anger me to even write

let me compose myself just a bit

I am a firm believer in you date and marry and love who makes you happy and makes you most complete

whether they are the same race, another race, or same sex

who am i to determine what works for you and your heart and your life

many of the negative comments were from black males

black males who felt she was denying the brotherhood a good wife

when in reality thats probably NOT the case

its similar to when women see an attractive gay man and proclaim WHAT A WASTE

how narrow minded can you be

you will not and cannot date every man and every man is NOT for you

black males are not the ultimate protector of black women
if that is the case every black man would adore and respect his black woman

WE know that is not the case just like in any other race

i dont think black women have an obligation to date only black men
i think women black white asian or indian should date who makes them happy and loves them
end of discussion no further explanation


it would be ignorant to not acknowledge the history of the county but everyone does not continue to share those feelings and sentiments

to call someone a SELLOUT as if they are having an identity crisis is beyond offensive and deplorable

as a black woman who has dated and married both in my race and out

let me be the first to say i am just as much me whether married to someone in my race or out

my marrying outside of my race was not linked to lacking pride in who i am or some attempt to live out some crazy white man/slave master fantasy (YES i actually read that on the article to)

i wont sit here and say the line i dont see color
because everyone sees color
but its how you react and respond to it that makes the difference

i recognize there are some differences amongst gender, amongst color, amongst age, and definitely socioeconomic levels

so you have to be honest and acknowledge you see MANY factors

im not a woman who is not in touch with her culture or feels she identifies better with a different race and so in the ultimate culminating act i married outside my race
NO way

i date and marry who i feel a connection with
who makes me fundamentally happy and i want to spend my life with


i dont like blanket statements that a black husband will always be better or hey if you want to be treated and respected you need to marry a white man

NO dont feed me that bullshit because we will have words
if you want to be happy be happy and be happy on your terms

dont let society and its ignorances dictate who you should marry
marrying within your race is not a guarantee of happiness
the key to a successful marriage is in the communication and the commitment to the commitment
not in the physical attributes


it makes me sad to read the ignorance that was so readily spewed by individuals
and for a family to actually cancel their show because of the HATE and to protect their family
its a wake up call

interracial relationships and marriages have been around for a long time and its my gut that they are not going away
so we can continue to embrace and support or we can keep our narrow minded views on the table