It's just not always about you

I have cited the 4 agreements by Ruiz before and I love how relevant these agreements are to my life, to your life, all LIFE

While these are the 4 agreements :
1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best. ” 

My favorite is #2..Don't take anything personally!! It sounds so simple and yet at the first site of conflict or tension what do we do....take things personally!

When someone cuts us off in traffic, when someone gives us poor customer service, we take it personal.

We make assumptions about that person and why they are treating us the way they are ...but what if we took a radical approach, a calmer approach, what if when that person sends us a short text or abruptly ends a conversation...

what if we pause and think its not about me, maybe just maybe this person is struggling with something..

maybe just maybe I am coming across a certain way to this person that is rubbing them the wrong way

maybe just maybe this person is intimidated or even maybe just maybe this person got the worst news of their life and they are processing it and just trying to hold it together

if we operate from a place of MOST things not being personal attacks against us, it changes the whole trajectory of relationships

it changes the whole cause and affect and responses

when jord has a tantrum, its not because she wants to embarrass me or because she wants me to yell...more than likely if i step back i can ascertain my child is tired and needs some down time because she's 4 almost 5 and not an adult

its easier to take that approach with some over others

its easier to step back when its family versus a stranger

its even easier with its an child versus an adult 

but my challenge to everyone today is to NOT take things personally

try it just for tomorrow..

dont think that someone's actions or reactions has anything to do with you

dont place your lenses and your current mood or situation on them or their behavior

tomorrow just try it...when in doubt ask but the bottom line dont assume

try to get to the bottom of things ...IF you can

but remember its not about you....

Zoos and Legos ..Oh my!!!

In recent news there have been lots of opportunities for the kid free or the stricter parents or those with AN OPINION to have something to say

to make a stand, to let their voices be heard, to stand in judgment
to make bold claims about what they WOULD have done

or questioning another parents parenting skills
and if can stand here honestly I can say for a moment I too was in the camp of HOW COULD YOU and keep a better eye on your child

BUT then i realized once I stand on my soapbox to judge these Moms, I need to be able to stand their and willingly be stoned and judged for everything I have done..not just as a person, but as a woman, as a friend, as a partner, AND as a Mom

and THAT got me thinking...trips to McDonalds, late bed times, my child having a severe affinity towards bacon, well swine and CLEARLY Grampy fried chicken

it got me thinking about indiscretions, bad choices, wrong choices of words, hurt feelings, poor behavior, lack of authenticity, and the list goes ON

If I went from zero to one hundred over these issues and I proclaim to have a spiritual foundation, what about those with no moral compass, what about those with who are the UNOFFICIAL judges of the world

and THAT is what makes the world a scary place..
what makes us feel so qualified and empowered to make such stands against others
who gave us the right
and the fact that we dont blink at how easily we judge and how fast we make proclamations about others and their lifestyle and life choices and while there are laws and rules and social norms and morally right vs morally wrong for those grey areas in between....who appointed us to make the call on those


so while the latest zoo incident did cause me to think not so much about charging the mom BUT it did make me question how we run zoos, because i do feel that we need to protect the voiceless better

if we cannot enjoy animals safely and from afar and take in their beauty and majesty without endangering us or them , then it is better to not enjoy them beyond the tv or books

that sounds harsh BUT these animals are already forced into captivity the least we could do is protect them...then again for the pro PETA folks, i'm sure some will say Harambe was put out of his misery and is no longer living restrained and unhappy


just a thought

oh yea woo woo!!!!

So I had to quote my 4 year old and her new favorite "get excited" phrase that of course accompanies a dance-ish move

my mind was fast at work the other day/night and the more i thought the more i realized i wanted to write about it

Here's the context:

I am in a "getting to you know you" process with someone and its been awhile, much longer than with anyone else
while i have struggled with this for awhile, i have been reminded that patience truly is a virtue and if you want something real sometimes you have to allow things to unfold according to HIS plan and not your own, so having said that, I am trying something new, I am not taking the lead, I am not filling the role of the independent millennial woman, I am take things back to the old school way, to the more traditional times where a man lead and set the tone, and the woman was a woman and a man a man..

Second part: As it has been pointed out by my mother lol me and this young man are not in our 20s and we both come to the table with LIFE and LIFE's mementos , therefore a certain amount of understanding and compromise and compassion is required for a successful adult relationship

Third: I am reading a book called YOU ARE LOVED with my small Bible Study Group and this book is just incredible for internal transformation and self-awareness for Love and God's Love for us first and foremost and his plan for us to Love others second

Now-the context is set, I was praying this particular night and in my thoughts trying to gain understanding on my current situation and ensuring I walk the proper road and handle everything according to Christian values vs the easy worldly ones that I have walked in the past so very easily
In the past I like to take charge, I like the steer the ship, I like to make decisions and call the shots, I didnt see it as me being overly dominant-I thought I was just exhibiting my independence and not being the "needy" woman...I was content to continue with that belief and line of actions UNTIL I met a man who is much different, a man who wants to lead, a man who wants to date like Christians and set our own guidelines and what works for us, a man who wanted to try something new as well, a man who is turned off by the boldness and edginess of most 2016 women.. Ha who'd have thunk it!!


The morning came and as I opened my book to study, the assigned reading for the morning was 1 Corinthians 13:4-7...I have read it before and I am sure its familiar to most, HOWEVER, as with all things in the Bible when there is a message that God is trying to deliver to you, that scripture may have been read a hundred times before BUT that hundred and first time is when you will read it with new eyes and your brain will process it totally differently...

so for reference I read this in my favorite 4 translations, NIV, NLT, ERV, and the Message... Here is the NLT's version:

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

TO say i had an epiphany is an understatement, it was one of those moments I looked up and just smiled because I realized while most things in life come with no instructions God does provide us with a guide a reference manual so to speak for life and how to live it...and i realized at that moment I was reading the blueprint for how to engage in relationships, romantic and otherwise and this was it. This is how I needed to engage in my current relationship-from start to finish day by day I need to follow this recipe and when I get off track go back to this recipe and follow it accordingly..it definitely reads like the recipe for success.

Love is patient and kind, it means just what is says..patient..patient means not always pushing not always rushing but having a sometimes still and peaceful disposition and in the patience there is kindness and not anger... Love means we are not jealous of our loved ones, which means we have TRUST...we dont need to brag....have some humility plain and simple...Love is not forceful , it does not dictate instead love allows things to unfold and be natural...Not be irritable, again patience and no record of being wronged...thats a hard one but makes so much sense...LET STUFF GO..forgive and forget, its not an option its a must, dont bring up past mistakes, we are all human and have erred ...Love does not delight when bad things happen but when good things happen ....and THEN my favorite part verse 7 ...LOVE NEVER GIVES UP, which means keep going, rain or shine, easy or hard , if it is LOVE you will find the strength to keep going, if it's not LOVE you will find an excuse

it never loses Faith and is always hopeful..when its LOVE you will always believe, there is no such thing as magic BUT love kinda feels like it because of the excitement because of the power...love is SO many things when Love is REAL and PURE...Love sticks through any circumstance LOVE is enduring, its powerful, it conquers ALL, it covers all sins and errors and mistakes, when love is pure and true...and my FAVORITE verse...#8 says LOVE NEVER FAILS because it doesnt

Love doesnt go away..no matter the situation if the love is true LOVE will always remain
Love is the greatest gift and its at the root of any and every good thing...

The 3 things that will last forever, faith, hope, and love....and yet again the ONE that is the greatest, the one that is required of us is LOVE

In our efforts to become better and stronger in our faith we often try to get focused on our actions and "well i give back" or "i help here" but fundamentally if love is not in your heart and behind your acts then its pointless

Memorial Day Observed ....with a smile :)

Happy Memorial Day All!!

I know I need to write something serious and patriotic about what today means to me and how I will be honoring those who have given their lives to allow me to live free..... BUT

KSN just tossed this beauty into my lap and I cannot NOT pass this along
because whether you are packing up for a picnic, recovering from last night, or about to break out the grill, I'm sure you can use a laugh....

and once you finish you may return to the reason and purpose of this holiday and what it means to you and your family

By Michael Harriot

I don’t even know when it started. I don’t even know why the controversy became a trending topic on social media, but for the past two days there has been furious debate on social media over whether sugar or salt is the appropriate seasoning for grits.
To be sure, this is a Black debate. I’m sure white people eat grits, especially in the South, but grits is a universally Black food. It probably has something to do with the fact that you can purchase a metric ton of grits for less than seventeen cents, so it has become a historic staple on the breakfast tables of Black families. Although I could not find a Gallup poll or government statistics comparing the percentages of Black people who eat grits to Whites (Yet another reason to distrust The U.S. Census Bureau), the fact that most of my white Southern  friends sometimes refer to them as “Hominy” and my suburban middle-class associates give me a quizzical look when I talk about grits until I say “polenta” is evidence that this is a discussion for Black people.
Plus, when talking about seasoning and spices, always bet on Black.
I don’t find fault with my Black friends who don’t like grits. They are allowed. Although, when anyone tries to derail a grits conversation by equating it to Cream of Wheat or oatmeal, I believe they are intentionally trying to distract the attention of the grits-loving population. It’s like talking about real hip hop and having someone bring up Vanilla Ice–you are immediately disqualified. Your vote doesn’t count. Be gone.
But let’s get to the people who like sugar on their grits.
You are what is wrong with this country. You are the part of the constituency of people who want participation trophies and don’t believe kids with bad grades should flunk. You want to live in a sweet and saccharine world. You probably believe in “safe spaces” and think Kenny G is jazz.
Well guess what? The world is not like that.  Everything shouldn’t be sweet. You are handicapping your taste buds and insulting the memories of the people who gave their blood, sweat and tears to plant, grow, harvest and grind the corn that you have dishonored and debased by defiling them with Dixie Crystal.
Sugar on grits is an abomination. It is a microagression. Many people don’t know that Harriet Tubman carried a shotgun and would kill anyone who she thought might endanger the lives or compromise the secrecy of the Underground Railroad… or who liked sugar on their grits. One of the ways King James modified the original Bible was to remove the “B clause” from the sixteenth verse of  the 3rd chapter of Revelation, which originally said “So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my mouth as though thy were sugar grits.” If you look through the historical archives, before Martin Luther King edited his speech at the March On Washington, there was a sentence at the end that said:
“I have a dream, that the people who believe in the supremacy that robs us of our our dignity, our right to vote and our freedom to live as full citizens will one day suffer the same fate as those who believe slavery was a noble institution, women should not have the right to vote and sugar belongs in grits.”
People who have refined taste buds know anything tastes better with sugar on it, but that doesn’t mean you should eat sugar on grits… or microwave grits… or Kwik grits. God made grits perfect. The only variation you should ever consider is white grits or yellow. If you sprinkled granulated Domino sugar over a bowl of naturally fertilized potting soil, it might be edible, but you’re still eating shit. People who eat sugar on their grits are capable of anything–murder, theft, slowing down when they change lanes…
God likes salt on his grits. Satan prefers sugar. Donald Trump likes sugar on his grits. Bernie Sanders likes salt. (Hillary Clinton used to prefer sugar, but recently issued a statement calling it an “unfortunate choice of seasoning” that is now part of her past, and it is time for America to move forward.)
But I understand there are objections. There are people who believe Lebron is better than Jordan, the Madea movies are funnier than the Friday movies and Chris Brown can outdance Michael Jackson. Some people just weren’t raised right.
If you ever catch someone putting sugar on their grits, don’t try to stop them–they are obviously crazy and could hurt in you the same way they are harming their breakfast. Just let someone know. Like they say–if you see something, say something.
And if you have young children who want to sprinkle something sweet over their breakfast, explain to them that there are some things you will not allow in your house–drugs, Young Thug albums and sugar grits. If they object, then you should take their plate and fix them a bowl of Corn Flakes. When they ask why, inform them that there are standards and traditions that everyone should pass to the next generation. Tell them that Jesus didn’t die on the cross for them to ruin his creation with sugar. Finally tell them that you offered them one of the oldest and most filling breakfasts in the history of Black people, and if they need sugar to consume it…
Maybe they just don’t like grits.
 

*Editors note: As a point of clarification, the original author would like to note that he was not debating whether or not white people eat grits–only that he does not factor in their votes when considering any seasoning-related topic.

a day late a blog short

I was promptly reminded yesterday that I did not complete a blog yesterday and that doing the one over the weekend was NOT a substitute sooooooo

im trying to think of what to say...oh what to write *taps on forehead*

how about some random thoughts/ideas

#1 my brother has for like the second time in a week gone to Luke's Lobster for lunch GREEDILY and supplied a picture to taunt me and make me rather jealous and hungry

#2 i am in awe and still processing the fact that my child is fast wrapping up her  Pre-K year and is about to have her graduation in like 2 weeks

my child, my only baby thus far, the first, my belly resident, is going to Kindergarten and quite honestly i never understood the parents who cried over stuff like this ..
i never got why it was a sad or emotional situation and yet now here i am...the super crier Mom who cannot even keep it together during a parent teacher conference

i am the mom who teared up again when i asked my child what they are doing tomorrow and she said trying on their cap and gown

sigh just sigh

#3-we finally got some super hot weather in DC today with no rain and that just made me feel worst about the state of my truck...i need to drop it off somewhere..make them sign an non disclosure and give them my checkbook and say  i will be back in 24 hours lol

i will blame this solely on Jordan and whatever shenanigans occurs in the backseat when i am driving

#4 there is no #4 sorry Kelz...that's all i got for the day...stay tuned for next week or maybe another Saturday

A day or two early

Today was THE PERFECT..stay inside the house, stay in your pajamas day

It was rainy and dreary and all the right elements for pj's, delivery, naps, and couch time

normally, when that perfect situation calls...I answer ....BUT Jord had a karate graduation today which demanded showers and clothes and being a productive and clean member of society ..she is no longer Ninja Jordan she is OFFICIALLY ......DRAGON Jordan *to note Uncle Josh you may want to rethink the ninja nickname you have been enjoying for the past year

and of course because today is Saturday, I had church and I had volunteered to Usher because one of the others was sick so I picked up an extra day

so i got word on Friday that my very casual and cool Saturday night service was going to be suspended due to a shrinking budget and they hoped that people would absorb into the Sunday services... Normally that shouldn't matter..It should be an easy choice..pick a new option

but somehow i felt a certain kind of way..i cannot quite put a finger on it..there was never a question of would i look for a new church, i LOVE my church, it feeds me in a way that no other church has

saturday service is relaxed...saturday service is very come as you as...and as someone described it tonight...the sunday service is very Loudoun County and all the things you think about the wealthy and often snobby area

i dont know if i was having angst just because of the "change" and something new and different and when i am not given a choice but a decision is made for me..

and while i cant take it personally because as Pastor Jim explained tonight it was a very tough decision....initially i did and i felt a moment of panic

but as the voice of reason sank in...talking to my Mom and talking to the head of some of the ministries i am involved in, i realized that my love for the church left me with only way to go...either 9am or 1045 am service!!!

soo sometimes in the midst of our easy breezy existence sometimes a change comes and we just have to trust in it and the bigger plan
and while this change is small and maybe doesnt seem overly personal...

i dont think every change has to be EPIC and every change may not be earth shattering to have some type of bigger plan element in it


so on this saturday i just want to say embrace change

embrace it when its easy
embrace it when its wanted
embrace it when its tough
embrace it when you want to kick and scream
embrace it when you can see the bigger picture
embrace it when you lack clarity and control

sometimes the best adventures and best life's plans occur not always when we are checking our perfect list and accomplishing items on them

sometimes the best chapters in our life come from the left when we were looking right

sometimes the sweetest moments in life come from when we eyes wide open took that first step and then the next

sometimes the happiest seasons are the ones when we looked up and looked out and without anything but faith and prayer just
simply
embraced
change

In the words of Alexander

and his Terrible, Horrible...No good, VERY BAD DAY....

I vehemently concur !!!

I didn't write yesterday and then today I was actually kinda busy at work AND I had an abbreviated day so I didn't get a chance to ummm well take my normally allocated "personal time" we shall call it :)

So my morning started off pretty swell and even though I was anticipating a boring 2 hour meeting, I was NOT prepared for the extent to which that meeting would draw on and draw out and really get under my skin especially at the end when I had finally made it to the two hour mark when the meeting was due to be over and people kept talking, people kept talking as if someone else was not waiting for our conference room, people kept talking as if they had ALL day, people kept talking as if 2 hours was NOT enough to cover the material, people just KEPT talking... if you have not guessed by now, it really got under my skin and it's now been added to my pet peeves list and other poor office etiquette list.

moving on.....

the rest of my day was great and dare i say productive :)

I left early to go get my little to have some allergy tests run ...soooo i was told it was simply going to be like scratches on the back and that is what Jord was prepared for and i was prepared for a quick n easy visit to the office...welllllll that is NOT QUITE what happened

after she's in my lap the doctor pulls out the first panel of allergens and there must have been 8 on each panel and into jordan's skin she presses and THE SCREAMS and THE TEARS began and the look of horror and that she had been lied to was written all over her face....NOT COOL

be honest with me and my child so we can be prepared and not go into a situation like that expecting a walk in the park
so then we sat and within 5 minutes we learned that our puppy that we were picking out would not be coming this year...as i watched her back puff up and the doctor immediately said oh yea she's got some allergies and some of them are at the full level of allergy


sooo we finished and then I GOT THE BILL....ok im still too salty to even write on this...but lets just say in the past 2-3 months on my daughters health I have paid around $5,000

now let me STOP right now and say I am blessed and I am not complaining because I am so VERY fortunate to be in a position to not have to choose between my childs health and other bills or not be able to have my child feeling better, so I know that is only God continually providing for me

I just wasnt expecting another bill today, but alas moving on

that was a quick lull before heading to teacher's conference which turned me into a ball of tears in awe at my baby who will officially be a kindergartner soon, they say don't blink and i try not to but my baby is a legit BIG girl...and a Big girl whose teacher feels is exceptional and so very ready for this next stage...i guess mommy just has to get there

sigh ...just...sigh

Jordan: "Mommy do you know what will make me feel better and forget about the shots"
Me: "What Jordan?"
Jordan: "Duck Donuts!!!!"

Me:*blank stare-drives truck to Duck Donuts*

Finally we return home and Im thinking I just want to get in and curl up in my robe, BUT before I can get to my safe spot I close the garage and while my truck was in, I was not in ENOUGH oh and what happens....yup the garage door comes down on my front...and because i miscalculated..I hit the button two more times before I realized I needed to back up more.....

sooo now at 744 pm i am finished a blog, from my couch, in my pink robe, and shortly is bed time , not just for my 4 year old but for me....lights out, melatonin wasted-lol

because today has BEEN A DAY...I won't say Terrible Horrible NO GOOD  and VERY BAD but

there were highs and there were lows...I embrace the lows because after the lows follows a high and i can appreciate the highs more because of the lows BUT from a place of honesty I am looking forward to crawling in my big king size bed and letting my 4 year old crawl in as well and then sweet dreams