today is Sunday and what a long 72 hours I have had
if I can sit and be honest since thursday there have been a series of obstacles and trying moments
all week i was feeling homesick..
the feeling crept in and just continued to build and build
while i am definitely one who thrives off of being around my "family"
this is the first time that i can say i am feeling homesick
i have been in VA for 10 years now and through many highs and many lows
i have always just kept moving forward and picked my head up and brushed off any feelings of missing home
for 10 years I have filled my time with adventures and work and living the Northern Virginia lifestyle
August 2011 changed that abruptly
The arrival of Jordan Lee Crump
The transformation from me being April to me being Mommy
changed everything, changed me, changed my WORLD and all that I thought I knew and
everything I thought I needed and wanted
Fast forward to 2015, the many many trips I take home, the miles up and down the turnpike to experience a bit of home
Going home sobers me, it grounds me in ways that nothing in this area could ever compare
Being 600 miles away while life changes and obstacles surface is hard, but having Jordan its even harder
not to say it can't be done, not to say i am weak
i realize many people do it, many single moms do it all the time and every day
but being strong all the time is draining and i want to safely be weak and be weak in the safety and security of my loved ones who i can depend on 100%
Being on vacation for 9 days contributed to this homesick feeling tremendously
lazy days spent on the porch watching the ways listening to the peace of nature
time to think
time to reflect
time to evaluate what is and is not important to me
the mitten, the midwest, is more grounded, the values are different, the pace is slower
not slow like the South but not like this rat race here
here in VA sure I have a great job, and while i am not thinking of quitting to go work at Starbucks, because that's not responsible
but now as a parent i realize my job is just that its a job, its not my LIFE
my life is what I do and what I have when I am not at work
work is just what i do and where i go to provide the means for being in this area
until one is a parent they will NEVER get that concept
until one is a parent they will never grasp the idea that work is really low on the list of priorities and the memories and the life you build far exceeds that 8 hour day
Its so funny because i thought i was alone in this feeling but now the Washington Post is reporting that for the first time they are seeing high numbers of people leaving this area, those who are not natives and returning HOME
and why because they miss the support, they now have kids and unless you are from here, many people are realizing they dont want to raise their kids here
i have 3 people in my office right now, from the Midwest and with kids Jordan's age and they are all waiting for that first thing smoking back HOME
I never thought I would be here, but then again its amazing how much richer my life has become since Jordan arrived with a scream
so here's to praying that my child and I return to the greatest state OUR state Michigan soon
Sunday, July 26, 2015
Monday, June 22, 2015
A thought for today
Not my words, but words we can never hear enough
I hope this is something I continue to work at and work on....
Choose Your Words
When unkind words are spoken about you or behind your back, they might trigger an impulse to respond with negative remarks. But you have a choice about the kind of words you speak. If you desire to walk closely with the Lord today, you will make the choice to keep your words and your thoughts clear of spite, falseness, or anger. Gossip is definitely not an option. Proverbs 25:11 sets the standard: "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver." You can speak, or not speak. You can destroy or build with your words. You can spread hatred or love. You can discourage or encourage. Scream or speak softly. Begin by making the choice to not speak evil of one another. We're to be peaceable and considerate and show true humility toward all. A loving word heals and blesses. Consider who you want to bless today with loving and lovely words.
I hope this is something I continue to work at and work on....
Choose Your Words
When unkind words are spoken about you or behind your back, they might trigger an impulse to respond with negative remarks. But you have a choice about the kind of words you speak. If you desire to walk closely with the Lord today, you will make the choice to keep your words and your thoughts clear of spite, falseness, or anger. Gossip is definitely not an option. Proverbs 25:11 sets the standard: "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver." You can speak, or not speak. You can destroy or build with your words. You can spread hatred or love. You can discourage or encourage. Scream or speak softly. Begin by making the choice to not speak evil of one another. We're to be peaceable and considerate and show true humility toward all. A loving word heals and blesses. Consider who you want to bless today with loving and lovely words.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Who am I ...REALLY
I promised my bestie a blog earlier this week and unfortunately work kept me busy and my days were busier than i anticipated so now 3 days later i am going to attempt to muster a blog out of the topic and inspiration that hit me on Monday...it may be a fail...maybe
as we as a culture dive into this idea of being authentic and being true to ourselves etc etc i think there is a sharp contrast with the surge and predominant ideology of commercialism and imagery
there is a fine line between what we deem the woman who is comfortable in herself and owning it vs the woman who lives up to the standard of society
when i think about what my authentic self looks like and what i see in the mirror versus what someone off the street making a 5 minute assessment might see...i am pretty sure they are not the same
all of us are as Shrek says onions with layers and multi-faceted but as a society we often only see the right there in front of you..we see the what our experiences have taught us to see, we see what our prejudices and insecurities see, so often what we see is not what is
i have been grappling with the concept of "mean girls" lately in my life and while this used to be a isolated "sweet valley high" concept this has now morphed into an adult catty women phenomenon as well
there are now shows like Real Housewives of...(insert a city) that sensationalize and capitalize on the drama and conflict between women over the most superficial and unreal things
it saddens me because that has become the norm in our society, not just in our schools, but in our workplaces, in our communities, amongst "friends", anywhere that more than 10 or so gathered there is some level of superficial unauthentic unhealthy conflict going on
as someone who has been there but now likes to think i have learned the errors of my ways and participation in gossip and group thought -what i have learned is how even in adults there is the need and fear of competition
there is the fear of someone being prettier
there is the fear of someone getting what we perceive as "ours"
and at the root of all of that is insecurity
we all have insecurities we all have our deep dark fears and secrets
but why is it that instead of encouraging and supporting others we exploit them and tear them down
we know our vulnerabilities and yet we masquerade around as if our lives are perfect and without flaw in the first
why can we so easily view others as perfect or having the charmed life when we know the struggles we face
how can we think others are not struggling with the same issues that we are and give them some GRACE and understanding
We are quick to judge and slow to understand but what if and when the roles are reversed
when i say who am i really --i think of some of the preconceived notions or quick judgements people make about me
i hear all the time- i wish i were your height-WHY !!!! just like being short is not the answer to world hunger neither is being tall..do i like my height ??i do now as an adult but its just who i am but it was awkward as a kid growing up being WAY taller than everyone and being super thin and people asking if i eat or people constantly joking about my size...and no its not a cry me a river but there are two sides to everything if not more
i hear oh man you're thin you can eat whatever you want-NO i cant eat whatever i want... .what people dont know is that i have a hormone imbalance that mimics type 2 diabetes soo when i choose to pass on food its not because i am trying to maintain my undisclosed size its because i am trying to stay on top of my health and not require medication for my lifetime
we all have different values and view life through our lenses....its easy to look to other for comparison whether to make ourselves feel better or worst
but the bottom line is we are all human and lack perfection
we need to better about not judging too quickly or too harshly if you are not in someone's shoes
if you have not been in that situation you can't say "what you would do" and even if you have you still are NOT that person and we all react and respond differently
while i think the plan on Monday was to write about who i see myself as when i look in the mirror the script changed just a bit based on life between Monday and Wednesday
i like the edited golden rule that says treat others the way they want to be treated
its nice to treat people how u would want to be treated but i think u need to treat others better
go the extra mile for the people in your life, i bet you will never regret it
as we as a culture dive into this idea of being authentic and being true to ourselves etc etc i think there is a sharp contrast with the surge and predominant ideology of commercialism and imagery
there is a fine line between what we deem the woman who is comfortable in herself and owning it vs the woman who lives up to the standard of society
when i think about what my authentic self looks like and what i see in the mirror versus what someone off the street making a 5 minute assessment might see...i am pretty sure they are not the same
all of us are as Shrek says onions with layers and multi-faceted but as a society we often only see the right there in front of you..we see the what our experiences have taught us to see, we see what our prejudices and insecurities see, so often what we see is not what is
i have been grappling with the concept of "mean girls" lately in my life and while this used to be a isolated "sweet valley high" concept this has now morphed into an adult catty women phenomenon as well
there are now shows like Real Housewives of...(insert a city) that sensationalize and capitalize on the drama and conflict between women over the most superficial and unreal things
it saddens me because that has become the norm in our society, not just in our schools, but in our workplaces, in our communities, amongst "friends", anywhere that more than 10 or so gathered there is some level of superficial unauthentic unhealthy conflict going on
as someone who has been there but now likes to think i have learned the errors of my ways and participation in gossip and group thought -what i have learned is how even in adults there is the need and fear of competition
there is the fear of someone being prettier
there is the fear of someone getting what we perceive as "ours"
and at the root of all of that is insecurity
we all have insecurities we all have our deep dark fears and secrets
but why is it that instead of encouraging and supporting others we exploit them and tear them down
we know our vulnerabilities and yet we masquerade around as if our lives are perfect and without flaw in the first
why can we so easily view others as perfect or having the charmed life when we know the struggles we face
how can we think others are not struggling with the same issues that we are and give them some GRACE and understanding
We are quick to judge and slow to understand but what if and when the roles are reversed
when i say who am i really --i think of some of the preconceived notions or quick judgements people make about me
i hear all the time- i wish i were your height-WHY !!!! just like being short is not the answer to world hunger neither is being tall..do i like my height ??i do now as an adult but its just who i am but it was awkward as a kid growing up being WAY taller than everyone and being super thin and people asking if i eat or people constantly joking about my size...and no its not a cry me a river but there are two sides to everything if not more
i hear oh man you're thin you can eat whatever you want-NO i cant eat whatever i want... .what people dont know is that i have a hormone imbalance that mimics type 2 diabetes soo when i choose to pass on food its not because i am trying to maintain my undisclosed size its because i am trying to stay on top of my health and not require medication for my lifetime
we all have different values and view life through our lenses....its easy to look to other for comparison whether to make ourselves feel better or worst
but the bottom line is we are all human and lack perfection
we need to better about not judging too quickly or too harshly if you are not in someone's shoes
if you have not been in that situation you can't say "what you would do" and even if you have you still are NOT that person and we all react and respond differently
while i think the plan on Monday was to write about who i see myself as when i look in the mirror the script changed just a bit based on life between Monday and Wednesday
i like the edited golden rule that says treat others the way they want to be treated
its nice to treat people how u would want to be treated but i think u need to treat others better
go the extra mile for the people in your life, i bet you will never regret it
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Eating humble pie.....
Well this is my blog so I can be honest and say what I want, I can be as transparent as I choose or as funny as I wish (which usually is not very funny at all)
Yesterday, I was a poor communicator, I did all the things I know better than to do and yet in a moment of "me", I did everything that I have learned and read NOT to do.
The worst part was that I am versed enough on communication to have noticed the red light and the warning signs and I should have stopped myself BUT instead I mashed the gas and plowed full steam ahead in my wrongness...or as the quote says just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong....
and I did
I consulted my in-house therapist and had great advice-we talked and determined a plan and YET I made no steps to follow through with any of it
I admittedly had a moment that lasted all day where it was not so much anger building but its that moment when you skip school and it's that go big or go home thought...yup that was me..I was basking in my wrongness and poor behavior that I was literally skipping and delighting in how wrong I was...The little piece of the conscious the good gal who taps you and says YOU KNOW THIS IS WRONG..well she was clearly taking a NAP
All day long I felt mildly justified in my behavior-even dolling out advice to others
By the afternoon-I was high on the hog-I would not say that I was self-righteous BUT I was determined to hold my position as the QUEEN of WRONG
and this morning I was still okay
and THEN I read my morning devotional (albeit not until 430) and the reign of wrong came to an end and was promptly filled with regret and apologetic thoughts and feelings
Communication is hard-heck its hard for EVERYONE
yet I strive to always work on mine because I know how much of a challenge it can be amongst people...I think about how when its an important relationship that communication has to be worked at that much harder if you want the relationship strong and intact
I will just cover the highlights of my devotional :
So I consider myself a Christian woman and yet my behavior and words yesterday probably would not have looked any different from someone who does not see themselves in the same optic.
Our mouths are such an important tool-our words have the ability to hurt or the ability to heal.
Everything in the above passage is so true and so accurate-it is a excellent blueprint for communication with anyone and everyone.
But why is it so hard in the moment to calm ourselves and choose words that are soft and that are not inflammatory
why can't our words always be laced with love and tenderness
why do we instantly pull out our top 5 venomous lines
WE all know the moment your words are harsh or rude the other person becomes defensive and how many discussions end well when there is anger and unkind words??
I yearn to be a woman whose words are soft and who people can come to and tell anything to without fear of backlash or me using words to hurt or attack them
I want to be a woman of understanding and harmony-not conflict
I want to be a woman who is not selfish and considers the feelings and emotions of others and not just mine own
I don't know if anyone else has a problem with their tongue and doesn't always think about the AFTER and the effects of the things we say, but yesterday and then today was a sobering moment
I knew before but sometimes we just need a gentle reminder...and I got mine...well received
`
Yesterday, I was a poor communicator, I did all the things I know better than to do and yet in a moment of "me", I did everything that I have learned and read NOT to do.
The worst part was that I am versed enough on communication to have noticed the red light and the warning signs and I should have stopped myself BUT instead I mashed the gas and plowed full steam ahead in my wrongness...or as the quote says just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong....
and I did
I consulted my in-house therapist and had great advice-we talked and determined a plan and YET I made no steps to follow through with any of it
I admittedly had a moment that lasted all day where it was not so much anger building but its that moment when you skip school and it's that go big or go home thought...yup that was me..I was basking in my wrongness and poor behavior that I was literally skipping and delighting in how wrong I was...The little piece of the conscious the good gal who taps you and says YOU KNOW THIS IS WRONG..well she was clearly taking a NAP
All day long I felt mildly justified in my behavior-even dolling out advice to others
By the afternoon-I was high on the hog-I would not say that I was self-righteous BUT I was determined to hold my position as the QUEEN of WRONG
and this morning I was still okay
and THEN I read my morning devotional (albeit not until 430) and the reign of wrong came to an end and was promptly filled with regret and apologetic thoughts and feelings
Communication is hard-heck its hard for EVERYONE
yet I strive to always work on mine because I know how much of a challenge it can be amongst people...I think about how when its an important relationship that communication has to be worked at that much harder if you want the relationship strong and intact
I will just cover the highlights of my devotional :
Words Fitly Spoken
While communicating frequently and with many people seems to be the goals in the culture today, there is a much more godly goal for you to keep in mind. Here are just a few of God's keys to loving communication. Your words are to be soft. A soft answer turns away wrath, and a harsh word stirs up anger. The Bible says pleasant words promote understanding. Your words are to be suitable -- sweet to the soul and health to the bones. And a difficult one for sure is "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry" (James 1:19 NIV).
So I consider myself a Christian woman and yet my behavior and words yesterday probably would not have looked any different from someone who does not see themselves in the same optic.
Our mouths are such an important tool-our words have the ability to hurt or the ability to heal.
Everything in the above passage is so true and so accurate-it is a excellent blueprint for communication with anyone and everyone.
But why is it so hard in the moment to calm ourselves and choose words that are soft and that are not inflammatory
why can't our words always be laced with love and tenderness
why do we instantly pull out our top 5 venomous lines
WE all know the moment your words are harsh or rude the other person becomes defensive and how many discussions end well when there is anger and unkind words??
I yearn to be a woman whose words are soft and who people can come to and tell anything to without fear of backlash or me using words to hurt or attack them
I want to be a woman of understanding and harmony-not conflict
I want to be a woman who is not selfish and considers the feelings and emotions of others and not just mine own
I don't know if anyone else has a problem with their tongue and doesn't always think about the AFTER and the effects of the things we say, but yesterday and then today was a sobering moment
I knew before but sometimes we just need a gentle reminder...and I got mine...well received
`
Friday, May 1, 2015
TGIF!!!! BEWARE this may be a feel good rant
I was sitting during my last few quiet hours of work, no let me rephrase quiet is fine, I was sitting listening to the ventilation system the last 3 hours of work after the entire UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT except me went home and therefore it was as my old coworker describes morgue quiet, but I was sitting and thinking of what topic was brewing for a blog
before i delve into the two things that came in mind (stemming from trolling Huff Post)
I took the love of my life, my little heart out for date night, we checked out a fabulous place by us, a farm to table or farm to fork whatever its called restaurant called NOT YOUR AVERAGE JOES
food was yum and i absolutely enjoy what is quickly become our Mommy daughter routine and a chance to unwind at the start of the weekend and decompress
NOW on to the blog
the first article i read was on a new phenomenon referred to as "mutual engagement", clearly I am out the loop because I had never heard of it and maybe this is once again some trendy new age "thing" that only New Yorkers or Californians do, as we ALL know they tend to be more out the box and on a different sheet of music.
anyhow the article intrigued me because it was once again a shift and a change in traditional gender roles. i understand maybe this is part 2.0 of the last trend of women proposing to men because they are "feminists" and want to take their future into their own hands.....*insert long eye roll and excuse me while i put on my hemp shoes and tree sap dress*
but the whole idea of MUTUAL ENGAGEMENT evolved from women wanting to take a more active role in their engagements and wanting the engagement to not just be about him asking for her to spend the rest of her life with him but him wanting to spend the rest of his life with her *again insert the image of the pro feminist who doesnt shave her armpits and wears tank tops all summer *
NOW I am all for pro women and women being empowered to live the life they want to life and being true to themselves and finding their authentic "self" BUT I am going to just say WOW REALLY and not that I speak for all women or even most women but i am pretty sure i can speak for me, my mom, and even my other half AND her Mom and say enough already
I think that is one of the biggest problems in relationships and marriages is that the gender roles are becoming so blurred in an effort for everyone to exert and define their independence that we are losing that piece of femininity and masculinity that actually draws us to the opposite sex.
I think its progressive enough that women (even myself) are involved and know what their engagement ring looks like, whereas traditionally, engagement rings are actually a surprise. Men would ask your best friend and sneak around for clues as to what you like. Now men want to know and ensure you get exactly what you LOVE as it is such an investment. However, is that what marriage or even an engagement is about??? just a thought
but back to my point, women in their effort to sometimes prove they can do things for themselves and by themselves are taking away the role and need for a man and that is NOT the way God intended.
marriage was intended for men and women and for them to compliment one another and be each others cheerleaders and helpmate.
when you find that life partner your job is to love them and do so unconditionally
not love them when they are sweet and all the little things that make you smile
when you are married your role is to love them when they are unloveable and even when they may not love themselves
marriage is supposed to be a safe place, the safest relationship
but if the man and his role is threatened by a women who is afraid to submit and allow her mate the room to lead and be a man-you have a recipe for disaster
independence and being able to do it all is great
but knowing when to step aside and follow or support versus always leading is a powerful skill
i think in most relationships there is a power struggle and there is the fear of putting someone else's needs and wants before self
but i think that is the ULTIMATE test and definition of a relationship
when you talk to your mate-do you launch into how you are doing OR do you stop and allow them to vent and talk about their day
when they express a need or a feeling about something, are you able to hear them, really hear them
most people listen with the intent to respond and not the intent to understand
how about the next time someone anyone is talking to you , instead of forming your response, just LISTEN and if you REALLY want to drive home clear communication, repeat back to them what you heard or THINK you heard and allow them to say yes or no
there are so many tools out there and available so why is it so hard to put them into practice
why is it after our failures we become so wise and yet when it comes to doing it differently we still struggle
i know i bounced around with the topics but i guess the idea of wanting to be equal on EVERYTHING kinda rubbed me the wrong way
i am girl power all day long and as the mother of a little girl i definitely want her to conquer and change the world BUT at the same time i want her to be a lady
and know when to step back and allow a man to hold her door and pull out her chair
ok that's enough for a Friday
before i delve into the two things that came in mind (stemming from trolling Huff Post)
I took the love of my life, my little heart out for date night, we checked out a fabulous place by us, a farm to table or farm to fork whatever its called restaurant called NOT YOUR AVERAGE JOES
food was yum and i absolutely enjoy what is quickly become our Mommy daughter routine and a chance to unwind at the start of the weekend and decompress
NOW on to the blog
the first article i read was on a new phenomenon referred to as "mutual engagement", clearly I am out the loop because I had never heard of it and maybe this is once again some trendy new age "thing" that only New Yorkers or Californians do, as we ALL know they tend to be more out the box and on a different sheet of music.
anyhow the article intrigued me because it was once again a shift and a change in traditional gender roles. i understand maybe this is part 2.0 of the last trend of women proposing to men because they are "feminists" and want to take their future into their own hands.....*insert long eye roll and excuse me while i put on my hemp shoes and tree sap dress*
but the whole idea of MUTUAL ENGAGEMENT evolved from women wanting to take a more active role in their engagements and wanting the engagement to not just be about him asking for her to spend the rest of her life with him but him wanting to spend the rest of his life with her *again insert the image of the pro feminist who doesnt shave her armpits and wears tank tops all summer *
NOW I am all for pro women and women being empowered to live the life they want to life and being true to themselves and finding their authentic "self" BUT I am going to just say WOW REALLY and not that I speak for all women or even most women but i am pretty sure i can speak for me, my mom, and even my other half AND her Mom and say enough already
I think that is one of the biggest problems in relationships and marriages is that the gender roles are becoming so blurred in an effort for everyone to exert and define their independence that we are losing that piece of femininity and masculinity that actually draws us to the opposite sex.
I think its progressive enough that women (even myself) are involved and know what their engagement ring looks like, whereas traditionally, engagement rings are actually a surprise. Men would ask your best friend and sneak around for clues as to what you like. Now men want to know and ensure you get exactly what you LOVE as it is such an investment. However, is that what marriage or even an engagement is about??? just a thought
but back to my point, women in their effort to sometimes prove they can do things for themselves and by themselves are taking away the role and need for a man and that is NOT the way God intended.
marriage was intended for men and women and for them to compliment one another and be each others cheerleaders and helpmate.
when you find that life partner your job is to love them and do so unconditionally
not love them when they are sweet and all the little things that make you smile
when you are married your role is to love them when they are unloveable and even when they may not love themselves
marriage is supposed to be a safe place, the safest relationship
but if the man and his role is threatened by a women who is afraid to submit and allow her mate the room to lead and be a man-you have a recipe for disaster
independence and being able to do it all is great
but knowing when to step aside and follow or support versus always leading is a powerful skill
i think in most relationships there is a power struggle and there is the fear of putting someone else's needs and wants before self
but i think that is the ULTIMATE test and definition of a relationship
when you talk to your mate-do you launch into how you are doing OR do you stop and allow them to vent and talk about their day
when they express a need or a feeling about something, are you able to hear them, really hear them
most people listen with the intent to respond and not the intent to understand
how about the next time someone anyone is talking to you , instead of forming your response, just LISTEN and if you REALLY want to drive home clear communication, repeat back to them what you heard or THINK you heard and allow them to say yes or no
there are so many tools out there and available so why is it so hard to put them into practice
why is it after our failures we become so wise and yet when it comes to doing it differently we still struggle
i know i bounced around with the topics but i guess the idea of wanting to be equal on EVERYTHING kinda rubbed me the wrong way
i am girl power all day long and as the mother of a little girl i definitely want her to conquer and change the world BUT at the same time i want her to be a lady
and know when to step back and allow a man to hold her door and pull out her chair
ok that's enough for a Friday
Sunday, April 26, 2015
Sunday... a day to find peace..and calm ..or
dear diary,
this morning my mom returned to Detroit leaving me and her grandbaby teary eyed and feeling a serious sense of empty
i love my mom-i love her so much more as an adult and now as a mom
but this past week has been surreal and so amazing
having her here and then with me in W. VA with Jord
i have such an appreciation for her BUT at the same time it makes me realize how when you have a village or just having more than 1person around you-life can be so joyous and rich
hearing Jord and Gigi laugh and laugh and debate and negotiate warmed my heart in ways I can't fully articulate
i miss my mom
i can't deny it, 33 and i feel like she just left me at VBYC for a week in the sumer
as a result, Jord and i came home and slept the morning away and then we did what we knew how to do in order to soothe our aching hearts
laid around and cuddled
eventually i got up and threw myself into my child and let her go out and play and ride her bike, but it kept coming back to missing Gigi
normally i enjoy VA and our princess palace but right now i would trade this place for the comforts of my 15427 home and all the love that is there-every time and any time
second thought-today is my other half's anniversary and i want to say i love you and i am so happy for you
i am wishing you a lifetime of many mores and anniversary after anniversary
i am grateful to have a front row seat in your life and watching your family grow and life change and grow us
i love our past and i love our present and i am pretty sure our future will be such as wonderful
i wouldn't and couldn't ask for a better person to share my brain and my thoughts and who gets me and my emotions
i love you for understanding and getting me
we have proved that relationships based in love and good communication and mutual respect can stand the test of time and here we are 33 years strong
no one else has weathered the seasons and storms of life and still been there with me loving me and laughing with me *besides my parents and some family
third thought: people show you how they feel about you truly based on the things spoken and the things not spoken
fourth thought -tomorrow starts my spring cleanse as i once again reach inside of me for discipline and strength as i say no to processed foods and sugars and get back to eating good and feeling better..
i can't wait to put on my bikini for Vegas..let the transformation begin :)
Happy Sunday all
this morning my mom returned to Detroit leaving me and her grandbaby teary eyed and feeling a serious sense of empty
i love my mom-i love her so much more as an adult and now as a mom
but this past week has been surreal and so amazing
having her here and then with me in W. VA with Jord
i have such an appreciation for her BUT at the same time it makes me realize how when you have a village or just having more than 1person around you-life can be so joyous and rich
hearing Jord and Gigi laugh and laugh and debate and negotiate warmed my heart in ways I can't fully articulate
i miss my mom
i can't deny it, 33 and i feel like she just left me at VBYC for a week in the sumer
as a result, Jord and i came home and slept the morning away and then we did what we knew how to do in order to soothe our aching hearts
laid around and cuddled
eventually i got up and threw myself into my child and let her go out and play and ride her bike, but it kept coming back to missing Gigi
normally i enjoy VA and our princess palace but right now i would trade this place for the comforts of my 15427 home and all the love that is there-every time and any time
second thought-today is my other half's anniversary and i want to say i love you and i am so happy for you
i am wishing you a lifetime of many mores and anniversary after anniversary
i am grateful to have a front row seat in your life and watching your family grow and life change and grow us
i love our past and i love our present and i am pretty sure our future will be such as wonderful
i wouldn't and couldn't ask for a better person to share my brain and my thoughts and who gets me and my emotions
i love you for understanding and getting me
we have proved that relationships based in love and good communication and mutual respect can stand the test of time and here we are 33 years strong
no one else has weathered the seasons and storms of life and still been there with me loving me and laughing with me *besides my parents and some family
third thought: people show you how they feel about you truly based on the things spoken and the things not spoken
fourth thought -tomorrow starts my spring cleanse as i once again reach inside of me for discipline and strength as i say no to processed foods and sugars and get back to eating good and feeling better..
i can't wait to put on my bikini for Vegas..let the transformation begin :)
Happy Sunday all
Friday, March 27, 2015
The Definition of......
characterized by understanding; prompted by, based on, or demonstrating comprehension, intelligence, discernment, empathy, or the like:
bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.
having the ability to impress the mind; arousing admiration, awe, respect, etc.; moving; admirable:
having acute mental or emotional sensibility; aware of and responsive to the feelings of others.
to maintain or advocate (a theory, principle, etc.).
having a capacity for moral decisions and therefore accountable; capable of rational thought or action:
all of the above definitions are what one may consider positive attributes, ones that we all hope to have and exude, and yet when they all are attributes of someone who is on your team and in your corner -these words are not just words but STRONG character traits.
sometimes in life someone absolutely blows you away and its not always in the biggest way but in something that is small and yet so critical.
people never understand the affect they have on you-generally they think they are just being themselves and its so sweet when them being them is all those definitions above and more
I am grateful for big things and little..i am grateful to know that in my life I have amazing people and that there is stability
as a result of hurt and past interactions where people fell below the bar, you begin to expect the worst and wait for the ball to drop and for the bad to come
and yet when someone says NO I am not going to follow that pattern and shows you a different way and a better way
what you do get is restoration and renewed belief and a warmer heart and a fuller heart and a stronger heart
and that results in LOVE:
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
not limited by conditions; absolute :
UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING
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