16 days into a new year and i am finally sitting to pen a blog....

I could have started the new year off with a recap of 2015 and all my lofty goals and plans for 2016 BUT instead I would rather take this new year as a gift and accept the gift one day at a time and simply just enjoy

i look forward to a year of new ventures, new faces, new experiences, a lot of laughter, and of course true to my form, a lot of LOVE

LOVE is always unpredictable
LOVE can look many different ways

LOVE is sometimes unforgiving and relentless
LOVE is EVER powerful and always all-consuming

LOVE has good, LOVE has bad
LOVE has conditions, true LOVE does not

This year as with the years of the past, I will not give up on LOVE but remain open to it
BUT I will only allow TRUE LOVE to capture my attention and TRUE LOVE to influence my actions, choices, and decisions

I will no longer be swayed by lukewarm or half-assed LOVE
I want solid as a rock, strong as a diamond, impenetrable, growing, thriving FOREVER ...TRUE LOVE

True Love is not based on emotions or a cute face, but it is grounded in the one who IS love and who loved us first
by seeking HIM first and taking his path THEN and ONLY then will TRUE LOVE be mine

Mine to enjoy and bask in

because while lust and like fade

Love NEVER Fails.................

Broken Together

 Hehhe so apparently I sent out a blank blog..MY Bad I was still writing!!


Every so often I hear a song and it really moves me and i connect with it.. but while listening to my WGTS 91.9 I heard this song entitled BROKEN TOGETHER and I thought "Wow-I got it"

I added the lyrics to the bottom as well as the songwriters interpretation, but as i heard it -the song was truly a Eureka moment for me.

So often when we go into relationships we have this idea of becoming whole..we have this understanding that our spouse will be our other half and that together we will become this more complete person..

I think its idealistic and fairytale-ish but this song nails it on the head.

As an adult when you enter into a relationship you bring all the pieces of who you are, you bring all of your jadedness, all of your preconceived notions, all of your failures, all of your hurt, all of your anger..its normal..its human...to say that you can check any of those elements at the door is impossible..

I think about my past, i think about the choices i have made, i think about choices that may not have been my top pick today

when two people become one, there is the idea (sometimes) that life will become perfect that somehow everything that happened before won't matter because you are now with your spouse..

we go into marriage with unreasonable expectations and as my Dad often tells me we cannot expect of others what we expect of ourselves because that is the definition of disappointment

and yet we do..we expect our spouse to read our mind, we expect our spouse to guess what we want and what we need at every moment
we expect perfection and our spouse is just human and just as human as us

think about your deepest darkest secret.....and with your spouse they have to know that..and that leaves you vulnerable...BUT love true love will be there undoubtedly no matter what ...

secrets come to light..and after the storm..true love should remain
as a spouse your job is not to change but to love, in loving someone that does not mean trying to fix them but loving them

they say that the first few years of marriage are the hardest and i think about what is going on during that times..well generally its the adjustment period..its seeing that person in the morning, late at night, when they are sick, when they are sad, when they are pissed...you are seeing that person completely

before when you had space and a the lack of accountability when times got rough or when the mood shifted and was more dark than sunny you could flee or ignore a call but when you are married and together you have to figure out what works for you both in order to get through it

i think this song speaks to loving someone for WHO and WHAT they are and not for what you want them to be
i think this song speaks to looking at your spouse or partner (if you are not married) and loving them flaws and all and saying I ACCEPT you and you accept me
it is loving their ugly and them loving yours and you guys just being two imperfect humans together


can you imagine if there ever was a PERFECT person or a PERFECT relationship

that would be incredibly draining and stressful...but since that is none of us and certainly not me
all i can offer to my other half is a truly FLAWED but loving woman

all i can offer is someone who has made mistakes and will make mistakes but who will love you and stand by you
i can't fix every problem but i will be by your side and we can figure it out together

instead of spending a lifetime trying to make changes lets just embrace our differences and acknowledging and respecting our weaknesses and playing up the strengths

and of course through time and love we can help mend some of the past hurt and disappointment and be the example of love that we were always looking for

sooo let's be Broken Together




 Writers interpretation: ‘Can you lay down who you thought I was and love the ‘me’ that is? Can we take this from where we are now and realize that I can’t be that person?

Lyrics:
What do you think about when you look at me
I know were not the fairytale you dreamed wed be
You wore the veil, you walked the aisle, you took my hand
And we dove into a mystery


How I wish we could go back to simpler times
Before all our scars and all our secrets were in the light
Now on this hallowed ground, weve drawn the battle lines
Will we make it through the night

Its going to take much more than promises this time
Only God can change our minds


Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together
If you can bring your shattered dreams and Ill bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us
The only way we'll last forever is broken together


How it must have been so lonely by my side
We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind
Im praying God will help our broken hearts align
And we wont give up the fight

Choices....Facebook...and Switzerland

I was on Facebook last night and as usual Facebook is the club of over sharing and TMI

Facebook is a place where people feel the need to share their most intimate pieces of their life with reckless abandon

The problem with social media however is when it's good it's good but when it's bad or fickle it's BAD

the whole world or your list of 600 followers gets to follow your life and your life drama play out like a bad soap opera

I noticed yesterday that a certain couple who I will describe their past two years of their marriage as a roller coaster of breaking up and getting back together

Are now back together again which is great

But I have realized that the best advice given to me by not just my mother but other very wise people is that you always remain neutral when it comes to other people relationships

People- while generally young and immature sometimes break up get back together all the time 

some people  maintain a high level of drama in their life and their relationship and  the key to dealing with these people in your life is to remain neutral and be Switzerland because if you take a stand on their relationship or on their partner when they do inevitably get back together again you can't still be the person who is hating their spouse because they don't anymore

 

It is nice to support your friend but that is a fine line-once you start bashing that person and then they reconcile-they potentially could turn on you because now you are bad mouthing their spouse who they are back to cuddling up to because there is nothing more persuasive than some cuddles to make the mind forget any anger once felt

And the other reality when dealing with these roller coaster relationships is that no one is being forced to be there, so if one party is complaining about their mate..they have choices..they can fix it or leave..and if they leave and choose to go back then at some point you have to think ..they must not be that unhappy or that person must not be as bad as they said

there are always three sides to every story, his side, her side, and the truth..and most people dont want to be totally honest and forthcoming about their side..

its ego, its pride, its perception

that's all 

she may be crazy but they say behind every crazy woman is a man who makes her that way...and that goes right back to his side of the story and hers......

that's really all

not getting furloughed...just lost a bet...feeling salty now..creating juices just dried up

 

Hindsight 20/20

Because I have insomnia tonight (note to self take a melatonin) and because I was reminded by my bestie that I have not written a blog in what has probably been months, here is a late night submission to appease you KSN

We are currently thick in what society likes to call "cuffing" season...and before anyone (EBH) starts thinking thats a reference to the literary disaster 50 Shades of Grey ...let me put the brakes on that and say simply its a term for marriage or wedding season

Last weekend I witnessed the most beautiful, loving, inspiring wedding..of my God-sister and her new husband... Having watched their chance meeting turn into a happily ever after, I was moved and my heart was overwhelmed with LOVE..I sat at the wedding with the eyes and the perspective of a 33 year old who has contributed to the divorce statistic and the 33 year old who despite obstacles still believes in LOVE.

Alyse-is 25 and I reflected later on what I wish I knew when I got married at 25, or what my now 33 year old self would tell my younger self.
I realize its a bit unfair because much of the wisdom (and I say that with extreme humility) has been learned the hard way.

The perspective I have now on love and marriage and commitment is far more honed and advanced from where I was at 25.

I think now at 33 almost 34 I finally have a better idea, I finally have a mature idea of "what it takes"..Its unfortunate that I had to get a few bruises along the way, but I can  honestly say I love myself and who I am today far more than I did at 25.. I possess more understanding, more patience, a deeper and greater capacity to LOVE, and clearer understanding of LOVE, and not superficial -temporary-replacable love, but soul-aching, tear-envoking, I will give you my ALL and move MOUNTAINS ..LOVE

In looking introspectively I believe I am a better woman now, a better friend, now a Mom, so many events and so much life has sculpted me and grounded me than before

Not to say that 25-year olds cannot make it in marriage, but I think that I was not ready, I had an idea but I lacked some of the pieces and "gumption" that I think now runs deep within my core

So as I thought about Alyse and I thought about me I thought what advice would I give myself then or what pearls have I since learned that I would pass along to someone else entering into marriage IF ASKED for my advice......

1. The little things DO matter....because eventually little things become BIG
2. Great and AMAZING marriages do not just happen by luck or chance-they require work..the same way you exercise to maintain your body..you need to put in the work into what is the most important and long relationship...
3. Everyone is NOT a friend of your marriage-watch who you vent to and watch who you seek advice from...find couples who have the same values and levels of commitment who will encourage you to work AND who will be honest with you
4. There will be days and times that person will get on your nerves...SO what...get over it...better days will come
5. NO ONE is PERFECT..especially not YOU..
6. Forgiveness is EVERYTHING-practice it often and give it MORE
7. Laugh and then laugh some more
8. Men and Women fundamentally think different..always have always will..end of discussion
9. You can't change ANYONE but yourself...
10. Be your spouses #1 fan..always or someone else will
11. Love your spouse the way THEY need to be loved NOT the way you nee to be loved or the way you want to love them
12. Date nights are important-never stop dating-complacency is a relationship killer
13. Always hold their hand...don't let the space come between you...space is like #1..the more space you allow in..the more space you will have
14. COMPROMISE
15. Last but certainly not least PRAY...you may not quote scriptures or have 10 Bibles in your house, but when life gets tough, when life knocks you down, and you don't have an answer ..that's a good time to PRAY and ask for help......because what God has joined together let no man separate .
16. and one more for the road...Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.

untitled

today is Sunday and what a long 72 hours I have had
if I can sit and be honest since thursday there have been a series of obstacles and trying moments

all week i was feeling homesick..
the feeling crept in and just continued to build and build
while i am definitely one who thrives off of being around my "family"
this is the first time that i can say i am feeling homesick

i have been in VA for 10 years now and through many highs and many lows
i have always just kept moving forward and picked my head up and brushed off any feelings of missing home
for 10 years I have filled my time with adventures and work and living the Northern Virginia lifestyle

August 2011 changed that abruptly
The arrival of Jordan Lee Crump

The transformation from me being April to me being Mommy
changed everything, changed me, changed my WORLD and all that I thought I knew and
everything I thought I needed and wanted

Fast forward to 2015, the many many trips I take home, the miles up and down the turnpike to experience a bit of home

Going home sobers me, it grounds me in ways that nothing in this area could ever compare

Being 600 miles away while life changes and obstacles surface is hard, but having Jordan its even harder
not to say it can't be done, not to say i am weak
i realize many people do it, many single moms do it all the time and every day

but being strong all the time is draining and i want to safely be weak and be weak in the safety and security of my loved ones who i can depend on 100%

Being on vacation for 9 days contributed to this homesick feeling tremendously
lazy days spent on the porch watching the ways listening to the peace of nature
time to think
time to reflect
time to evaluate what is and is not important to me

the mitten, the midwest, is more grounded, the values are different, the pace is slower
not slow like the South but not like this rat race here

here in VA sure I have a great job, and while i am not thinking of quitting to go work at Starbucks, because that's not responsible

but now as a parent i realize my job is just that its a job, its not my LIFE
my life is what I do and what I have when I am not at work
work is just what i do and where i go to provide the means for being in this area

until one is a parent they will NEVER get that concept
until one is a parent they will never grasp the idea that work is really low on the list of priorities and the memories and the life you build far exceeds that 8 hour day

Its so funny because i thought i was alone in this feeling but now the Washington Post is reporting that for the first time they are seeing high numbers of people leaving this area, those who are not natives and returning HOME
and why because they miss the support, they now have kids and unless you are from here, many people are realizing they dont want to raise their kids here

i have 3 people in my office right now, from the Midwest and with kids Jordan's age and they are all waiting for that first thing smoking back HOME

I never thought I would be here, but then again its amazing how much richer my life has become since Jordan arrived with a scream

so here's to praying that my child and I return to the greatest state OUR state Michigan soon

A thought for today

Not my words, but words we can never hear enough


I hope this is something I continue to work at and work on....




Choose Your Words

 When unkind words are spoken about you or behind your back, they might trigger an impulse to respond with negative remarks. But you have a choice about the kind of words you speak. If you desire to walk closely with the Lord today, you will make the choice to keep your words and your thoughts clear of spite, falseness, or anger. Gossip is definitely not an option. Proverbs 25:11 sets the standard: "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver." You can speak, or not speak. You can destroy or build with your words. You can spread hatred or love. You can discourage or encourage. Scream or speak softly. Begin by making the choice to not speak evil of one another. We're to be peaceable and considerate and show true humility toward all. A loving word heals and blesses. Consider who you want to bless today with loving and lovely words.

Who am I ...REALLY

I promised my bestie a blog earlier this week and unfortunately work kept me busy and my days were busier than i anticipated so now 3 days later i am going to attempt to muster a blog out of the topic and inspiration that hit me on Monday...it may be a fail...maybe

as we as a culture dive into this idea of being authentic and being true to ourselves etc etc i think there is a sharp contrast with the surge and predominant ideology of commercialism and imagery

there is a fine line between what we deem the woman who is comfortable in herself and owning it vs the woman who lives up to the standard of society

when i think about what my authentic self looks like and what i see in the mirror versus what someone off the street making a 5 minute assessment might see...i am pretty sure they are not the same

all of us are as Shrek says onions with layers and multi-faceted but as a society we often only see the right there in front of you..we see the what our experiences have taught us to see, we see what our prejudices and insecurities see, so often what we see is not what is

i have been grappling with the concept of "mean girls" lately in my life and while this used to be a isolated "sweet valley high" concept this has now morphed into an adult catty women phenomenon as well
there are now shows like Real Housewives of...(insert a city) that sensationalize and capitalize on the drama and conflict between women over the most superficial and unreal things

it saddens me because that has become the norm in our society, not just in our schools, but in our workplaces, in our communities, amongst "friends", anywhere that more than 10 or so  gathered there is some level of superficial unauthentic unhealthy conflict going on

as someone who has been there but now likes to think i have learned the errors of my ways and participation in gossip and group thought -what i have learned is how even in adults there is the need and fear of competition
there is the fear of someone being prettier
there is the fear of someone getting what we perceive as "ours"

and at the root of all of that is insecurity

we all have insecurities we all have our deep dark fears and secrets

but why is it that instead of encouraging and supporting others we exploit them and tear them down
we know our vulnerabilities and yet we masquerade around as if our lives are perfect and without flaw in the first

why can we so easily view others as perfect or having the charmed life when we know the struggles we face
how can we think others are not struggling with the same issues that we are and give them some GRACE and understanding
We are quick to judge and slow to understand but what if and when the roles are reversed

when i say who am i really --i think of some of the preconceived notions or quick judgements people make about me

i hear all the time- i wish i were your height-WHY !!!! just like being short is not the answer to world hunger neither is being tall..do i like my height ??i do now as an adult but its just who i am but it was awkward as a kid growing up being WAY taller than everyone and being super thin and people asking if i eat or people constantly joking about my size...and no its not a cry me a river but there are two sides to everything if not more

i hear oh man you're thin you can eat whatever you want-NO i cant eat whatever i want... .what people dont know is that i have a hormone imbalance that mimics type 2 diabetes soo when i choose to pass on food its not because i am trying to maintain my undisclosed size its because i am trying to stay on top of my health and not require medication for my lifetime

we all have different values and view life through our lenses....its easy to look to other for comparison whether to make ourselves feel better or worst

but the bottom line is we are all human and lack perfection
we need to better about not judging too quickly or too harshly if you are not in someone's shoes

if you have not been in that situation you can't say "what you would do" and even if you have you still are NOT that person and we all react and respond differently

while i think the plan on Monday was to write about who i see myself as when i look in the mirror the script changed just a bit based on life between Monday and Wednesday

i like the edited golden rule that says treat others the way they want to be treated

its nice to treat people how u would want to be treated but i think u need to treat others better

go the extra mile for the people in your life, i bet you will never regret it