Cheater Blog

So I was all prepared to write a blog on love and the many types of love and I may still do so but in one of the blogs I follow I was inspired by his words today-so today I am sharing THE DAILY LOVE…I hope you are able to get something from it…I did

I will write on my take on love later……But just think about when you have said I LOVE YOU to someone and to someone who is no longer around..do you really still love them..has the love changed..what does your heart say….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day and he is dating a new girl. He said it was fun, but it was starting to lack passion.

And that made me think.

Sometimes, you know people are just not compatible, but sometimes it's something else.

In my own relationship with Jenna, I've learned that passion is earned. It's not just given. Because you can't fake passion.

 

You can't MAKE yourself BE passionate because passion is something that YOU ARE. You can't fake it. You can try, but, at the end of the day, you and your partner will be able to FEEL the in authenticity of you trying to fake passion.

 

So, how does one CREATE passion in a relationship?

 

Well, Jenna and I have come to see that by through going through the dark times, the triggers and the tough times in a relationship - it is by weathering those storms that passion is earned and revealed. But not just passion - INTIMACY.

 

You see, intimacy and passion come from truth telling. In a loving relationship if you aren't telling the truth, your relationship is slowly dying. Passion - true passion, IN LOVE passion, comes like the dawn - after the darkest moments.

 

Like the calm waters after a storm.

 

Passion isn't something you can just EXPECT to happen; it is EARNED through trial and error. And if you REALLY love someone, by NOT LEAVING when it gets hard, but by staying - working THROUGH the problem and getting to the other side - that's how you create passion.

 

In my own relationship with Jenna, we have moments like this. Triggers happen. Disagreements happen. And it's on the other side of those moments where we have both been able to be ourselves - even if we're mad, frustrated or sad, and come out the other side. When someone loves you after you've shown them that side of you, passion comes, intimacy comes, LOVE blossoms even more.

 

If you are in a relationship and you two love each other but passion is missing, intimacy is missing - consider you both may not be telling the truth. And don't make the other person small by assuming they can't handle what's going on for you.

 

This is real LOVE.

 

This is how Jenna and I create an AMAZING passion-filled relationship!

 

Now, one caveat. When you express "your truth" - this is not a hall pass to justify being a jerk. You have to take responsibility for your side of the track. But if you want PASSION, you earn it through truth telling.

 

How does this apply to YOUR life?

 

 

april janelle

"Let go of the things you fear to lose. Die to your attachments. Free yourself from everything you think you are and embrace the truth that you are abundant, eternal, fearless and worth being loved."

 

- Jackson Kiddard, author and polymath.

 

 

Temptation

Catchy title...common theme

There is a movie coming out next week about it

my daily devotional touched on it today as well

we all face temptation, its unavoidable but how you handle it..its not a will you be tempted but when you are..what do you do..are you ready

temptation can be in our relationships..like the movie will touch on and hey when we receive attention from someone other than our spouse how do we handle it
do we think" they will never know" ...do we think..well they have been so busy lately...are we so excited to have someone new pay attention to us...are we tempted

are we tempted to join in office gossip
are we tempted to be mean or childish or selfish
temptation is beyond cheating, stealing, and/or lying
temptation can be found everywhere

my devotional today talks about how to avoid it..how to beat and overcome temptation and i think its important to share it

you do have to have your mind aware and present and want to overcome it..that can be done by thinking about the consequences...i listen to steve harvey's strawberry letter in the morning and it is all too evident what happens when folks live for the moment and give in to temptation without regarding themselves, their families, and the repercussions

be smart about it..think with your brain..think with your heart..think beyond yourself..think 5 minutes or even 5 months from now and what the worse case scenario can/would be

you have to know you can resist whatever is drawing you in..dont succumb to the "i'm weak" theory or other justifications for your actions
think about how good you will feel when you do not cave

also avoid the traps and areas of weakness....if you know dunkin donuts is your downfall..dont walk by...dont stop there for coffee or tea...dont set yourself up

it's like an alcoholic..they know there are certain situations they should not be in because it is too easy to slip

i am thinking of a friend now who is in a situation that involves having to deal with the mother of a child..its easy to have a match as to who is the better woman..my friend hands down is (not because she is my friend) but the other mom is a drug user and someone just not in a good or responsible place in her life

but i feel like my friend sometimes triumphs in spotlighting this womens faults and shortcomings

i feel like she is tempted to always prove why she is better or to dance on the failures of this woman

and while this other mom is not perfect she is a person and guess what who is without fault

i kinda have lost some respect for my friend the way in which she is handling this situation

instead of keeping it discrete and amongst a few its plastered on Facebook or pushed out to anyone who will listen

and at what point are you no better
you may not be doing the drugs but if your character triumphs in someone elses failures that is a reflection on you

i have had to deal with my own situations...where a coworker who i strongly dislike came to work on my team and i had to train her

i could have taken that situation several ways..i could have stooped to her level or been the bigger person

by not giving in to temptation i was the bigger person and it was noted by others

i wish she would do the same..unfortunately she is too busy justifying it saying -its not her fault that she did/does the drugs or she gets what she gets but

who are we to judge

we all stumble we all make mistakes but acknowledge it and move on..dont let your mistakes define you

dont let it take you over

i know i may have jumped topics or strayed from the original path

but maybe the next time temptation is knocking-whether that is being short with someone or lying about not wanting to talk to them

just pause and think how you can be the better person

and whether you are doing good or harm

--

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
― Dr. Seuss

Take it like a man Kwame

Where do I even begin with this

I love my city..I do...My city gets a bad rap..some of it well deserved BUT  I dont feel my city is any worse than any other..I feel the publicity hounds like to constantly keep their Detroit radar on...which utterly disgusts me and makes me feel if we are going to put bad cities out there let's put them ALL out there...right now let's be frank Chicago is doing pretty bad right now.....

I digress...i wanted to talk about honesty and owning your dirt....which brings me to exhibit A....Kwame K...

I've had my fair share of Kwame jokes and laughs but when you get to the bottom of it and really think about it..there is a big fundamental problem and theme..lack of HONESTY

I follow the news all the way in VA regarding Kwame and at this point in the game I feel like Kwame..own your shit...you are trying to pull a Barry Bonds and deny deny deny but dude really the writing is on the wall so we either are ALL liars and dumb or you did not do anything wrong

No one likes a liar...as someone in a position of trust people want to relate to you..people want to have faith in you..they want a hero....and when you break the trust..what the people want is for you to confess..say you are sorry and make amends...

what they dont want and dont need is for someone to continue to "pretend" and keep the charade up

Kwame in all of his arrogance and feeling invincible for a few moments felt that rules did not apply to him ..or maybe he thought he was connected enough or maybe he thought his charm and charisma would get him out of it

not sure his thoughts

but at the end of the day...the core issue here is honesty

are we truly honest with ourselves with those around us

are we

do we project our fears and angers on others

are we honest if someone hurts our feelings or do we mask it behind something else and try to hurt them

are we honest about disappointments or let downs in our life or do we display an air of nonchalance 

are we honest about our desires and our dreams or do we shut them down before they have the opportunity to grow

honesty

its a simple

word

but a daunting

concept

its the basis of human life and interaction

but yet something

so easily not practiced or forgone in place of sugar coating and being "politically" correct

why is that

my thoughts

honesty makes us vulnerable

honesty can sometimes mean we are not perfect 

we may not know it all

honesty means we may have to change

honestly is dealing with the good bad and ugly

we can deal with the good and sometimes the bad

but the ugly...

no

we prefer to keep it locked away

our own personal secrets

are you not relieved and more carefree when you dont have secrets

for example when you maybe dated someone and you told a little lie

and then the lie had to keep growing or whatever in order to cover your tracks or keep up the charade

but when you meet someone and they know all of the corners and crevices of you...its liberating

its easier 

relationships built on honesty are easy

you are not afraid to show your weaknesses and in a marriage that is the opportunity for them to be your strength

nothing good comes from lies

out of honesty comes growth 

comes potential

just a few thoughts

Kwame...i know you are deep in your lie at this point 

but its never to late to correct your lie...

you may still do the time but you may be able to gain a little bit of respect back...or a sliver of humanity

right now you are looked upon as the philandering cocky ex hip hop mayor

no one wants to focus on the good you did for the city

no one sees the education you have and how articulate you are

nope they flash back to the super nasty text you sent to chrisitine b and how you shamed yourself your wife and your kids

you cant take it back but showing a little humility could have gone a long way

--

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
― Dr. Seuss

Cookies in Bed

The subject line was misleading because while yes I just ate a cookie in bed that is not what my blog was about

Today I had a wonderful day...I started it off with a playdate with my daughters little buddy Lauren at 6am (some of you may say WHOA that's early but it wasn't bad)

by 930 Lauren was on her way back home and my sweet little Jordan was winding down for a morning nap

As she lay there sleep next to me (because YES as the Mom of a toddler anytime I can get a nap-I get a nap) but when I awoke-I just stared at her ..I stared at her and reflected on my life during the past 18 months

Having a baby is the biggest change ...being married is an adjustment..having a child is a change

life as you know it changes

this is so hard to explain to anyone who doesn't have a kid...being an uncle or an aunt you think you know but trust me YOU DON'T 

like someone who has never experienced labor...you can read all the books..watch all the videos have ALL the empathy but you will NOT understand

I think about how self centered my life USED to be..I think about the freedoms I had..staying up late..sleeping in..I think about happy hours and hanging with my girls

I think about my husband and I having drinks and dinner on the fly...not anymore

I think about my old relationships and how much they have changed

It's hard for some to understand and some of my girls still want to hang out or say let's do happy hour after work and sometimes I want to go..MOST times I don't

There are always people who say you have to have your YOU time or find balance or not fall off the face of the planet after having a kid but just like with sleeping through the night-co sleeping-breast vs formula....HOW you are after a baby is a PERSONAL decision

my friends can i am sure rattle off a million examples of people they know who still are out kicking it and living it up after a baby.... GREAT for them

I LOVE my child...being a Mom is the BEST job ever and I think the fact that I waited until I was good and grown and settled allows me to be a better mom and truly enjoy it

my #1 priority is MY family

my child

my husband

my family

I watch (on occasion) Keeping up with the Kardashians and the oldest sister has two kids and her sisters never seem to understand why she wants to just be at home with them...we laugh at that because it's tv and "entertainment" but the reality is I completely agree and understand how and what she feels

my child is in daycare 9-10 hours a day -we get home by 5 pm and bedtime is 730 so  after work i dont want to hang out i want to go make the most of those 2 hours with my baby

i used to be glued to my phones..a slave to my email and social media but now that i am a mom...that's not my #1

if i dont get to my email ..oh well

phone calls..i try to return and you know what most people understand

my parents oh they know because they have been there

i may find time at the end of my day for emails or something but often by the time i get my baby to bed..its a decision between tv..a good book..checking emails...spending time with my hubby..and oops dont forget making my childs lunch for school or laundry

people dont know but they think they do

be a Mom for a day..not a babysitter a Mom

it forever change you

the most important thing i have learned as a mom

is to do what you have to do for your child..your house your well being

everyone else has to fall in line..it sounds very blunt but as a Mom you have enough juggling to do and if you start factoring in how your actions make other people feel you will start down the path of stress

happy mommy

happy baby 

happy world

being a mom you are constantly on a stage open for judgment

everyone has a better way to "raise" your child

everyone has a solution for what you need to do

every child is NOT the same

ive excepted my child just does not like to sleep all the way through the night

im sure this will change as she gets older but for now no

 everyone feels like they have the solution which i have long ago stopped solicitiing for "suggestions"

if there was a one stop answer there would not be a gazillion books out on sleep training

i digress

18 months ago i chatted it up everyday on the phone with my bestie

after i had my baby it was a blur i didnt talk to her as often

i was sad because things were changing and this was new...but now she has a baby and its a mutual understanding..we may not talk everyday but its not a drifting relationship..its moreso the next time we talk we have more to catch up with

in life change happens ...its inevitable 

we can either accept it and embrace it or continually fight the current and eventually drown in our disappointments that come when change happens and we did not expect it or want it

well its 847 and i hear a little 23 pounder stirring in her bed,,,

Mommy duty calls

--

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
― Dr. Seuss

How do WE treat others

Good morning
Happy monday-no matter what..we all are here and there are some who are not so let's put that in perspective first and foremost

So i was on pinterest this morning and came across a quote/saying that really screamed out to me...i have attached it below (well you have to click the link) but i will talk about it

The quote says treat everyone you come across today like it is their last day...treat them with respect and kindness expecting nothing in return

*that me paraphrasing*
How true this is...how do we treat people....how do we treat our brother (in the Biblical sense)
Are we patient or are we always rushing
Do we make the time for folks or do we push them off for "later"?

Does later always happen?
Do we talk to people sometimes without regard thinking we can apologize later
Are we always aware of what people are going through

Is it hard to treat people the way we want to be treated

I think we all get so absorbed in our own world and our own selfishness that we forget how our lives mesh with others...

We take forgiveness and understanding for granted

What if that one time you are mean or short with someone or that one fight is the LAST time......will it be worth it? Is that how you want to be remembered?  Is that what you want to be known as?

That leads me to wonder....what do people think of you? If someone speaks your name or talks behind your back....what are they saying?

Do you come across genuine...or you an asshole...are you a kind person...are you the person people confide in...are you trustworthy......

I guess my thought in all of this is to pause today-to really think about our interaction with others.....treat others like it is their last day and that means with respect and reverence.... smile more... be slow to anger....
Your time and your smile are the most important and biggest gifts we can give someone

So today on this monday..the day everyone drags through...be a gift to someone....

wow... - http://pinterest.com/pin/86272149084023715/

Girl power

I watched the Beyonce interview with Oprah as well as the HBO special yesterday
Initially i was torn between feeling disappointed that it still felt scripted and guarded as typical B....but i also respect that there is a line between her personal and professional life
In one breath i feel entertainers/celebs give too much of themselves but i wont deny that i read People and US Weekly magazine

Is it the fascination with how the other half lives.... is it wanting people who seem to live the unimaginable unattainable lives to be normal..to feel and hurt and experience some things like us "regular" folks???

Beyonce said she hurts and feels just like everyone else and having all the money in the world doesn't change that

Do we want her to be the girl next door in love with a mogul...is that what we want?
I can't say i was a full time B hater as i do have all her albums and funny because i am more a B fan then i was Destinys Child.....

There were some takeaways that i got from both special
She still controls what we know and see about her and her life...which is how she stays stable and normal vs.... well others....she wants the focus to be on her voice her work her albums and not what her kid is wearing

Beyonce Knowles Carter LOVES her man...i must say i was very much awed at her love of her man..it runs so deep...they have a good 11 years under the belt their foundation is strong and it shows and it makes sense..to be in the arenas they are in.....but she is quick to credit being the woman she is because she goes home to him each day....that is just heavy

Men can be haters and say Jay Z isnt attractive or Beyonce is artificial but WHY... why do we have to dissect everyone... what if that was done to us....what if someone questioned or hypothesised as to why we are with our mates....how cruel....they are not together for show...their love runs deep...i took that away...it was so rare to get such an intimate look into their marriage and their love...its so real...so pure.....thats the kind of love that we read about and we all want....they are friends they are lovers....they are each others support.....

Whether B gets lighter or we feel she is selling out or changing the one thing that will make me support B now and going forth is she is all about the girl power....she may grind a lot when she dances but who doesnt....b is all about girl power and her songs are empowering so next time she comes on the radio i will turn it up because she is working this industry she is iconic... she is humble..she is human...she is woman.......

Mrs C :)

valentine's day from a new parents perspective

i admit years ago...february 14th was an EXCITING time...i would roll out the red linen and red towels and find a cute red outfit...plan a romantic dinner or make plans to go out....when i was dating..valentine's day meant something...i am not sure if it was a day i was guaranteed some romance or where the one i was with would proclaim their feelings through a hallmark card and maybe some chocolates and flowers...

not sure but now here i am the mother of an 18 month old and valentine's day means something completely different

i didnt want flowers and i didn't need a card to say that here on this special day i love you and appreciate you

instead this year i was the anti cupid

what made my day special

waking up to my hubby and my darling charming chatterbox daughter..seeing her smile seeing her excitement over her daddy...that to me is what LOVE is about...and that extended into this weekend and seeing Jordan with her Uncle Josh...omg...I can't even begin to describe LOVE and what it looks like through my child's eyes...she sees who makes her happy and who is fun and THAT is LOVE to her....which leads me to ponder WHAT is LOVE and how do we show it...

is it who makes us happy...who makes us laugh ...is it who makes us reach into our very depths and fine a smile that we don't show everyday

maybe love is as simple as what I see through my child's eyes....

vday is not about cupid...valentines day is about commercialism but in the great words of the man i wake up to...valentine's day is loving someone everyday and them knowing it everyday and not just on the 14th  of one month...is it about gifts..i hope not...although someone told me their girl wanted diamond earrings...is it really about the material..i mean maybe i feel a bit different about "asking" for gifts..i love when someone thinks enough of me to get me something on their own or because maybe i suggested i might have an affinity for something ..but to give a list as if it is christmas and you are 7..i think its tacky...sorry

cards...buy me a card another day or better yet just write me a personal email just your honest thoughts for only me to read and cherish

flowers...love them but on the day when every other guy is in line waiting to buy the biggest and most obnoxious flower arrangement in hopes of a good ending after the date.....

not anymore...and going forth....maybe once the kids are older it will be a night when mommy and daddy go out but for now i want it to be about love and what i love is my family and my child and my other half...

--

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
― Dr. Seuss